Pale as the flowers of the night (Poem)

This is your fault you know Chris, planting the seed for a poem in my lightning photo the other night :)

Thanks a lot for the encouragement, because poetry scares me!

Happy to take credit Damian, keep walking down this path. The changes they’re adding to the site should make it easier for writers. Soon we’ll take over…

Very nice Damian… I agree with Chris- post more poetry!
I really love the title, and the imagery has such a soft, yet dark touch to it.
On a (minor) critical side- I stumble a bit over the last line… and after re-reading it a few times w/o it I think the poem flows easier off the tongue…. just my own personal opinion though ;)

Thanks Chris – it’s not a path I thought I’d see myself looking at let alone stepping on. Can’t wait for the site changes!!! Take over, well, maybe not :)

Thanks kaolina, I’m very happy with ‘soft, yet dark’ :)
Also, thanks for adding a suggestion highlighting where it tripped up. I’ll have another look at it and see how I can make that part flow more, cheers!

Hear hear. Tis a wonderful thing poetry and you have a way with it. This is quite beautiful and has a nice flow to it too. Poetry scares me also – sometimes I write stuff and get so overwhealmed be emotions. I never shared it before RB (always just jottings on bits of paper) but am really enjoying the ride.

Poetry IS scary, it exposes far more than prose does in my opinion (2 bits worth!). This is lovely, dark, moody and lost. Brings on a ton of images when I read it which is exactly what I love in poetry (and I’m a huge prose fan). Very Yeats like quality to it, I think it’s excellent Damian!

Great work Damian, really like that first title/first line as well, and also want to join in with the mass fear of poetry.

very good, and yes you are brave for diving in with some poetry!
Poetry is not always accessible, but this was inviting and sensual.

Thanks for the comments on my short story ‘hallways of hell’ too!!

Thanks a lot Robert, your poetry is wonderful, so that means a lot! I’m pleased probably more than I should be that you find poetry scary too :)

Mariana, I think you’re right about poetry exposing more. I find I can hide behind a character in a short story, so have no problem writing from a POV not my own, but the poems haven’t given me that shield. Not that I’ve opened with a deep one, I didn’t want to leap to my death with my first :)
Thanks for the compliments, Yeats is a big call lol!

Thanks Kalb, LOL, I’m not sure if it’s just ‘misery loves company’, but I’m glad there’s a bit of mass fear of poetry :)
I’ve been hesitant to comment on a lot of poetry because I was never quite confident enough, but I’ll have to embrace it a lot more I think.

Hi Michelle, maybe a little brave. I hesitated more than a bit about hitting the submit button though LOL!

I’ve got thicker skin with my short stories, and would barely flinch if someone were to go over one with a red pen. I’m new to poems, and like Robert, had never displayed one before RB. Positive feedback has been wonderful :)

I enjoyed your latest story too, Hell is a wonderful setting :)

Damian – I started to read this poem and instantly felt intrigued…and enjoyed it..the energy and the symbiotic allusions touched me – I really like it.

Thanks for that Suzanne, I’m really pleased you liked it :)

just signed up. how about pawn instead of muse as the last word?

ok damian. i now have one journal entry and added an allusion ¨flowers of the night¨ to it. let me know what you think.

Hi hudson, thanks for stopping by and for your suggestion.

I need to leave ‘muse’ rather than pawn, just for my feelings with the poem. I’d meant it as a subtle (or not so) protest about working standard daylight hours, and needing early nights, which means I don’t get to see as much night as I’d like. I find my inspiration for writing during the dark hours (as opposed to my inspiration for photography by day).

I’ve tried to personify my night inspirations as coming from a seductive muse, but we have no intimate time together anymore. Any inspirations I get (and their spawn – the stories that flow from them) are destroyed by the glare of day.

So the daylight has come between the man and the muse. I actually enjoy the little trip up with the last two lines, because it makes you think one thing, but then sends you somewhere different. I like the backflip also because it gives ownership of my soul to the muse :)

I’m sure some of that goes without saying (so sorry!), but then again, no-one else can really see what’s going on in my head either :)

although someone´or something´ s muse could also be it´s pawn. a muse is one´s inspiration or meditation. and a pawn is one´s security or hostage. perhaps with inspiration or meditation we have no security. plus i like the strong rhyme at the end but it certainly isn´t my poem and i like it very much.

noone can see really whats going on in anyone´s head. and poetry is not about information transfer its about reader identification. the more a poem connotes and doesn´t denote the better it is as poetry. which is the beauty of it. as opposed to essays and prose which really are primarily about information transfer and denoting. much modern mainstream poetry is unfortunately flowery information transfer. the author telling the reader what to think and what to feel. it is elitist and not really poetry at all.

hey..
it is = it’s
belongs to it = its

Thanks again hudson. You’re right, and pawn could work (as well as add to the rhyme), which is why I thought I’d give you my head space to say why I’m going to stick with muse. I hope in doing that I haven’t ruined it for everyone LOL!

Hi Suzanne, I think I’m okay (or were you talking to hudson?)

I’m okay with hearing about grammar and the rules, and also hudson’s area of comment, as with poetry I’m pretty unaware. I’m just trying to capture a feeling, so if I put up any more poetry, I guarantee I’ll have some shocking errors in some form, or fall into cliche that any junior poetry student would be able to avoid. I’ll try not to though :)

You’ve captured a feeling :))) WOW….grammar, spelling each uniform…. oh but Damian a feeling….now that is the capture….

Thanks LisaG, I’m happy you thought so, and I’m glad I didn’t ruin it for you in the comments :)

any poems forthcoming damian? i promise i´ll try not to ruin the next one for anyone except myself…lol just like ChrisW said. you should write more poetry. cheers

LOL thanks hudson, I’ll just need to give a more minimalist description of what it meant to me on the next one.
I haven’t really put much thought into writing more poetry, but have spent my time on stories. Thanks for the vote for more though, you’ve made me think about it again.

Damian, your poems are amazing! i admire your courage to post them on here. poetry is so personal. Well done xo

Thanks a lot Katie! You almost made me think I might be giving too much away with the poems LOL! Glad you like them!

Damien this is one of my favourites – when I read it the first time – when RB was brand new – and again today – really lovely!

Thanks Suzanne, that means a lot! I still only have two written poems!

Enjoyed your poem so much. The images and rythmns mix beautifully.

Thanks Graham, I’m glad you like it!

Damien – how lovely to have one of your poems in our group – thanks for writing this and lovely to see it here – as you know I love this piece!

Thanks Suzanne, I don’t have many poems, but happy to share :)

beautiful poem- the words were were well chosen and have vivid meaning. Keep up the writing.
Once the bug has bitten it is hard to shake. I have only been here a few days and you have already grabbed my attention…trish

Hi Trish, thanks for your comment, glad you liked the poem. I’m sure you’ll have fun finding your way around RB :)

I loved your poem and you should definitely post more … I find writing poetry is a bit like an actor putting on a part – it is easier to hide behind yet sharpens the senses at the same time!

Thanks Jen, I appreciate your comment! Poetry has been quite random yet powerful for me, with the inspiration hitting suddenly, and leaving just as suddenly once I was finished!