Andy had been really helpful since he died. At least, Jenny thought he had died; her memory was pretty bad lately. All the little thoughts were cracked and broken inside her head. Every time she looked through them she found some that worked, but many of them sat in her hands lifelessly. It really was the most frustrating thing.
The moss-covered forest floor was soft beneath Jenny’s bare feet. She passed from shadow into a transient shaft of light, holding her hand out to catch the beam. She followed the light upwards to where the giant trees merged, seeming to stretch endlessly beyond her vision. Jenny knew they didn’t really, as she had been looking down on them only moments earlier.
‘Make sure you keep your glider safe,’ Andy had said. He was always looking out for her. She smiled quietly at him while he talked, watching the movement of his lips; enjoying the lurking humour behind his dark eyes. She gently brushed a loose strand of long brown hair behind an ear, thinking. Some of the memories that worked made her sure that he was her brother. It was hard to tell, but he was always so supportive when he was there.
The forest felt ancient; time radiated from the giant girths of the trees. It seemed a shame that she was going to carve a swath through this peacefulness, but her questing moved her beyond regret for a destroyed forest.
Her concession to the trees, her penance to them, was to scout through on foot first. She suffered some personal discomfort for them while choosing a direction that would cause the least amount of damage. The forest made her happy, and she spent some time quietly saying goodbye, feeling their cold strength through her fingers. Her small form made hardly a sound, and if Andy had not been whispering to her, his passage would have been equally silent.
Their skin was so pale it almost glowed. In Andy’s case, Jenny assumed it was because he was dead. For her part, it was because she had been forever locked away in her room. Kept safe from the dangerous world beyond, until an event that shattered both her mind and the imprisoning barriers. She wished she knew what had happened.
She had awoken to a world without reason, with an empty mind, and no-one to answer her questions. No-one except Andy.
Sometimes Jenny thought Andy couldn’t be dead, and that she must be dreaming instead. Sometimes either possibility made sense. Other times both explanations seemed too simplistic.
As she watched, Andy’s outline blurred and shifted.
‘Oh no,’ said Jenny, wringing her hands. ‘Something’s not real.’
The forest path flickered and disappeared, as if it had been simply a picture she was looking at. Andy was gone with the forest. Instead she was standing in a smoke-filled room full of tables of rough men, many on their feet already. The doorway was behind her and she turned to flee, but the route was already cut off.
The men who blocked her way smelt bad, and their hands hurt where they held her.
‘Little girl lost,’ the nearest said, leaning down to her eye level. ‘You picked a bad place to get lost in.’
The laughing and crude comments swept over her, and the men crowded around. Jenny’s mind shrieked with fear, but her voice had stopped working.
Within seconds, the wall of the bar exploded, spraying splintered timber and stone throughout the room. Her captors absorbed the impact and shrapnel instead of her, and they were now strewn about the floor, stunned or worse. Through the settling dust Jenny could see her glider hovering in front of her. She had never realised how strong it was, and would not have thought it capable of such destruction. The light metal frame had ribbed wings that extended from the side, and a smaller set at the tail, which also served as a foot rest in flight. Jenny used a pile of stunned men to step aboard, and she was flying again, out of the hole in the wall and into the sky.
From the air Jenny saw that there truly was a forest, so she can’t have imagined her entire walk. As she flew, her hands clenched tighter and tighter. The dirty little settlement was cut into the middle of the forest, blocking the natural pathways for travellers. That decided things for Jenny. Her path was simply straight ahead, over the settlement, with no need for subtle deviations.
It did not make sense to her that different versions of reality could be seen. The problem must lie within her. Whenever she found a peaceful moment, something bad happened to tear her from it, leaving her seeing red. If she were dreaming now, then the men were detritus in her subconscious. Jenny hoped so. If not, she wondered whether they would help their sisters, like Andy did, when they were dead. They would find out in a few moments.
Her body waited for her at the edge of the woods, unmoving but conspicuous. The giant figure of the young girl named Jenny was where she lived.
She returned to her room, looking out of the two windows at the world so far below. Racks lined the walls, filled with layer upon layer of egg-shaped objects. Inside of these were her damaged memories.
Jenny knew she was broken in some fundamental way, yet she didn’t know exactly how. The body responded to Jenny’s desires, moving as she wished it to. On rare occasions the view from the windows flashed from the world to a bright white room where the body lay, and even shouting did not make it move. She didn’t understand what she was seeing at those times, and so far hadn’t found a memory to explain it.
She watched the world passing by beneath her, trampled by insensate feet. Fires raged in her wake and in her heart; her passage shook the earth. Hers was a mind with wings, detached but questing unrelentingly to understand the world beyond her scarred body.
Constructive criticism welcome.
© 2007 Damian Herde
A Mind With Wings (Story)
Just had this away for a bit to see if I could get it into an eZine, but no joy, so I’ve put it back.
Michael Douglass, about 1 year ago
Good story Damian, the story kept me reading, didnt want to stop if you know what I mean. The initial paragraphs in the forest created an almost tangible mood which I felt the whole story through, was one of the highlights for me.
Damian, about 1 year ago
Thanks Kalb, I’m glad I was able to create some atmosphere!
craig scutt, about 1 year ago
Hi Damian,
I really like the conceptual aspect of this story – I haven’t seen the movie ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ but, and correct me if I’m wrong, you’re trying to introduce a similar theme here – where Jenny escapes reality by launching into fantasy. Or were thinking more fantasy/sci-fi in the sense that this girl is experiencing multiple forms of reality?
Either way, I want to know more. I know you posted this story online and people only have 2 second attention spans when reading from a screen but I think you could really develop your descriptions of the action.
I’m intrigued by the idea Jenny has a glider that breaks through walls (real and walls of the mind) at opportune moments. I wanted to feel just how lecherous and wrong the men were who were clawing at her in the bar, and where is this bar, and what about the settlement, who lives there, and why was she imprisoned?
I particularly liked the way you described her walking into shafts of light in the forest. The language was simple and serene, the way it feels when walking through a forest!
Damian, about 1 year ago
Thanks for all the comments and suggestions Craig.
I haven’t seen ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ yet, which I’m dirty about (!), but the general theme would be in common, of an escape from reality. In this case, my feeling of it is similar to a forced out-of-body experience, and the different layers of reality she is travelling through trying to reconnect, but with no idea of why things are occuring.
I see her as being in a state of confusion, so I hadn’t wanted to paint too clear a picture, but I hear you, and could add to much of the detail to help others see it as I see it.
Thanks.
Krystle, about 1 year ago
Hey Damian,
Thanks for the comment on my story. I’ve read a few of yours so far and I’m really enjoying them. This is my fave i think, but it’s hard to choose…
I actually quite like it the way it is – it kind of puts you into the same state of confusion she must be in. The whole thing is built from partial images and fleeting pieces of information and nothing can be held on to. But at the same time, you manage to piece together an idea of what has happened to her.
You really have to see pans labyrinth, it’s so cool. And watch the special features too – the guy who made it, Guillermo Del Toro, has some really interesting stuff to say and you obviously share a common interest :)
Damian, about 1 year ago
Hi Krystle, I’m glad you’ve been enjoying my stories; I haven’t finished with yours yet :)
Thanks for the comments as well. I know where Craig’s coming from, because I don’t explain a damn thing (heh!), but I did want it that way too. I haven’t got back to this one for another edit yet, but I plan to think about Craigs comments when I do, but I also don’t want to lose the confusion and make it too linear. I’m glad you liked that about it.
Thanks for the additional push to ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’. I’ve finally seen it, and thought it was fantastic. After watching it I chose to think she wasn’t retreating into her imagination, but was seeing a hidden world – although I’m not sure if it’s meant to be taken that way?
Suzanne German, 10 months ago
Damien – I just read this now – hadn’t got to it earlier. This is so raw and really challenges the way most people will look at a ‘fragmented self’ – i enjoyed it and the ease with which you used metaphor to describe the internal complexities. will there be a part 2?
Damian, 10 months ago
Hi Suzanne, thanks for that. I’m glad you like it, and the way it’s described. I’m not sure about a part 2, hadn’t thought of that! I have been thinking of this story at times still, and wondering why she is seeing things the way she is, and have finally been able to make sense of it myself. I’ll have to get back to it and add some expansions into the editing.
MickyMc, 4 months ago
In some strange way this reminds me of The Chrysalids by John Wyndham; not really in terms of plot, but with a character struggling to come to terms with ESP, and not beings sure if their powers are a symptom of their madness; A society incapable of understanding. It’s nicely written and engaging as it is, but I think that you could definitely develop this into a longer piece, and perhaps develop some of the themes into a series of sub plots.
Damian in reply to MickyMc’s comment, 4 months ago
Cheers Micky, that Wyndham story is great. Good ideas for further development too, it’d be interesting to see what this story could evolve into.
Lehane, 4 months ago
That opening line is an absolute pearler – it creates so many questions in the reader’s minds you are compelled to read on. The mood evoke throughout this was excellent and I was kept enthralled all the way to the end. Definitely something that can turn into a novel. Thanks for sharing this in Twisted Tales
Damian in reply to Lehane’s comment, 4 months ago
Thanks Darren! The opening line is something I usually think about, but this one came fully formed with the idea! Yes, thoughts of expansion. It could happen too, LOL!
Summayyah Sadi..., 4 months ago
Oh Damian I don’t have all the technical lingo to use in describing what I just read so I am just going to keep it simple from a layman’s point of view…first I must say that this is definitely a gem full of potentials… it just keeps you reading and watching at the same time you know what I mean… it can be tricky describing places in our minds and where they can take us to…and you did it beautifully and really skillfully too! Well done indeed! Still going to read again and savor slowly!
Damian in reply to Summayyah Sadiq-Ojibara’s comment, 4 months ago
Thanks Summayyah, I’m really glad you enjoyed it and appreciate your reading it!
ktcam, 4 months ago
Sush a lovely yet sad story which explores the detachment of self . You really do weave a wondeful tale.
Damian in reply to ktcam’s comment, 4 months ago
Thanks Kate, I’m glad you saw it like that, and glad you liked it :)
WanderingAuthor, about 1 month ago
The story drew me in from the beginning, and while I was confused for a while, I think that suits the purpose of your story well. I like the ambiguity; it can be read as her deliberate retreat from reality, or it can be read as some strange reality overcoming her and causing her to doubt her own sanity. Either way, it is powerful, and forces the reader to think about the very nature of reality. I think this could be expanded into a much larger story, exploring the theme more fully. I also enjoyed the moods you ‘painted’ with your words, I could feel each shift of reality.
Damian in reply to WanderingAuthor’s comment, about 1 month ago
Thanks WanderingAuthor. I’m glad you thought the confusion suited the beginning. I’d certainly meant it to be that way, although I’d been wondering whether I should just clarify the hell out of it, as the confusion was given as a rejection reason a few days ago.
I like the idea of expansion, as this feels (to me) like setting the scene for a series.
I’m happy to hear of anything that didn’t work for you to :)
Natella2020, about 1 month ago
This is a work of art, I really appreciate your skill in this.
Damian in reply to Natella2020’s comment, about 1 month ago
Thanks Natella, I really appreciate that, and it made me smile a lot :)
Sristy, about 1 month ago
makes me go ‘wow!!’
Damian in reply to Sristy’s comment, 12 days ago
Thanks Sristy! :)
shaktipat, 9 days ago
i really like reading your stories because of your unique style. although you use components of certain genres you do new things with them each time you write. i certainly felt scrambled reading this but felt like i was connecting with the protagonist through the deliberate confusion.
Damian in reply to shaktipat’s comment, 5 days ago
Thanks shaktipat, that’s such a compliment! I’m so pleased you think so :)