A Peek at my NaNoWriMo story
Taken from Chapter 14 of my NaNoWriMo novel (still in progress, I’m on Chapter 21 ATM, and will probably be about 30 in total).
It’s not polished, well, let’s be honest, it’s not even edited!
Magic, demons, spirits, psychics, travelling across 4000 years and a destiny to fulfill and save the world! I’m having fun :)
A Peek at my NaNoWriMo story belongs to the following groups:
Short stories - Spherical Scriptings and WMGThe demon vanished into a swirl of mist and was gone. Aida relaxed visibly while Shadan stood with her arms crossed. There was only a gentle breeze, yet her hair floated in defiance of gravity. The black iris of her eyes merged with the pupil and made her gaze difficult to gauge.
‘Why’s your hair float like that now?’ Tyler asked.
‘It is how the succubi are; bound in the physical, yet moving to the ebb and flow of the etheric currents.’
‘Oh. Are you happy we came for you? Are you still the Shadan that was with me a few days ago?’
Shadan looked at him and smiled. ‘Of course I am. Both happy that you came for me and survived, and I’m also the same girl that was yours.’
Tyler sighed in relief and stroked her arm. ‘Thanks goodness!’
‘However,’ she said, and Tyler’s smile slipped, ‘I’m now all that and more. I’m tied to the astral, and bound by the word of Nahemah. Her word is law to me and I must comply.’
‘What does she want with you?’
‘The same that she does of all of her succubi. Obedience. To target those for death, as directed by Abigar or Beelzeboul.’
‘What?!’ Tyler exclaimed, shocked to hear such an open admission. ‘You’d go and kill someone the same way that succubus was trying to kill me?’
‘Yes. If Nahemah commanded it of me.’
‘Do you need to kill to survive?’
‘No. I’m still unique. I’m connected to the physical energy flows and don’t need to drain the energy of men to live. The other succubi must feed to live. I can feed for enjoyment.’
‘Have you?’ Tyler asked, driven by a morbid curiosity. Desperate to know the answer, yet hating the idea of hearing it.
‘No,’ she said, and a wicked grin crossed her features as she stared at Tyler, ‘not yet.’
Tyler thought of the days he had been trapped by the other succubus, and the terror and delight he had experienced. The thought of Shadan being the face behind the sexual predator sent a thrill through him, and he had difficulty deciding if it was from fear or delight.
‘No way!’ Aida said, interrupting the discussion. ‘I saved him from the other succubus, and I’ll do the same again if I have to!’
‘You,’ Shadan said, glaring at her. ‘You’re the voice in my mind, prying into my thoughts.’
‘What’re you doing?’ Aida asked, uncertainty returning as Shadan faced her. The etheric currents whipped Shadan’s hair and her eyes darkened as she lifted slightly into the air. Their eyes locked and Aida froze, caught in the stare, feeling a weight come upon her limbs.
‘Mmmm,’ Shadan said, drifting closer. ‘Your mind is open to me. That’s a good starting place, but soon it won’t be just your mind.’
‘Shadan!’ Tyler yelled, and threw himself between them. ‘What’re you doing?’
The gaze of the succubus broke and Aida could move again. She collapsed to her knees sobbing, clutching at Tyler’s jeans.
‘Who is she, Tyler?’ Shadan asked icily. ‘You didn’t take long to move on.’
‘You need to snap out of it, Shads!’ Tyler said. ‘You’re going all demon on us.’
‘Oh? That’s a convenient line.’ The etheric currents had not abated and she lifted slightly higher into the air.
© 2008 Damian Herde
jastoffer
So awesome, highly entertaining, everything a good novel needs. But i hate how i only get a taste, I NEED MORE lol
congrats!
Damian replied
Thanks jastoffer, I’m glad you liked the snippet :)
The whole things needs some serious editing yet (and a conclusion, LOL!)
Leoni Venter
Wow, interesting! Want more :D
Damian replied
Thanks Lee! Glad you want more too, LOL! I need to keep writing it while I’m still in the zone from NaNo :)
warmsugarcube
wow great excerpt, tantalising and very witty. i love the bit with the hair, it’s an anime otaku’s dream and what i always wanted my hair to do. if i had to be a demon to get it though, well… hang on, i’m thinking! ;-D
Damian replied
Haha, you’ve got me! I think the hair’s very anime too :)
I hope you can get your hair to do it; that’d be very cool. Shadan’s not completely demon, so maybe you can line up something like that too? LOL :)
ChainmailChick
Awesomeness! I like Shadan, LOL. =)
Damian replied
Thanks Gayla :)
I’ve liked her a lot too and having her in the story’s changed the way it’s gone quite a lot. She’s interesting enough that she’s survived to this point of the story, LOL :)
Pinkpapayabec
Very much liking that! And definately will need to read this in its entirety!
Damian replied
Thanks, I’m glad you liked this! It’s a great push for me to keep motivated to finish the whole thing :)
Miri
well i’m hooked! it sounds delicious, funny with some serious action!
i’m loving reading the extracts of people’s nano’s, all those wonderful stories floating around in the ether!
Damian replied
Thanks Bex, you’re wonderful :)
I’ve still got to catch up with most of the NaNo stories, but I’m starting to wander around again and read :)
Empress
nope, kill her… and no sacrificing herself to save Tyler.
Damian replied
Oh no, kill her? I thought you wanted Aida dead instead, LOL! And she does seem to have it in her, to sacrifice herself for Tyler :)
Shadan’s been a lot of fun, and I still haven’t seen what happens when she gets really angry yet. I’ve got to annoy her a bit more (I can be annoying, LOL).
I’m sorta warming to Aida again as well.
warmsugarcube
i wouldn’t mind being a half breed demon, like inuyasha the dog boy. half human, half gazelle would be cool. the internal struggle could be trying at times but what’s the worst that could happen? uncontrollable jumping around in shopping queues maybe…
but even more than my life long desire for floating hair, what i really liked about it was your explanation. you managed to put a cinematic trick into words and it sounded good, plausable even. i’d like to be connected to the ebb and flow of the etheric currents.. no wait, i am!
yeah.. that’s why it’s good :)
Damian replied
Yes, inuyasha would be cool! LOL, half gazelle! That’d be like a very bouncy Pan-type :)
Oh, and well done, connected to the ebb and flow of the etheric currents! Very jealous :)
Milisa Ganey
Highly seductive.
Damian replied
Thanks Milisa, wonderful you think so :)
anaisnais
Great taster for us, lots of imagery within…and moves at a good pace to draw your reader in. Best of luck with the rest of the write, I’ve a friend from elsewhere doing this also, there’s some close competition involved…. Kindest thoughts as ever, Anna-Marie.