Open the Cage

Awww, beautiful! So poignant :)

great words pictured it perfectly.nice one

So very beautiful!

Depression can be one of the most stubborn of ‘cages’ enslaving our emotions. At least that is what I felt when reading this. Beautiful.

the little ones are always the most switched on. lovely writing.

aw, nice work with a sweet twist…like it

Wow – hard subject to write about but you do it well. It’s as if the path to magic lost (the musician) is via innocence (the child)?

Very moving write Damian, well done

Simple, wonderfully expressive language and scene – and very touching mate. Well done.

What a great use of metaphor, Damian. It was such a touching story.

That’s some good writing, Damian. I really like the words you used to tell the story. Nice.

I saw the little girl as an imagined element rather than simply a little girl. Maybe an inner voice? I liked it.

This is just brilliant. Very touching in the way you approach and bring us into the scene. Master piece and the language serves it’s purpose.

I feel that this is you or the character connecting to a hurt placein your inner child perhaps. Its beautiflul, well done.

Congrats on the win Damian!

Such gorgeous, deft observation. I really liked this Damian. ;)

Pretty good stuff!

This is really nice imagery Damian (and as usual well written)
Plase take no offence…
but i’m not sure where the twist comes in?

I love this! It’s the kind of piece you want to read outloud the second (or third) time, just to hear the words flow from your lips.

this is an amazing poem, so much depth, and compassion

I loved this Damian .. i think you should enter this into the CITY challenge for writing too ..

xx

great writing Damian….inspired me to join this and add some of my stuff.

damian, how you’ve managed to say so much using so few words… i take my hat off to you in a deep appreciative bow. i could see this all so clearly, and relished how simply you captured the wonder and enormity of a little person’s logic and wisdom. beautiful work.

It’s not so easy to shake loneliness. I know what it feels like to feel alone in a crowded room. Beautiful written work; thank you.

hey damien

this is great it really captures how

being depressed can make you feel if you coop it up.

reckon you could read my latest writing?

its the one that has expletive language warning in the title

Wow- I could really feel this – well written – very capturing.

You’ve got a great writing style, Damian..you paint a picture in my head..

Very moving… Darkly innocent, if there’s such a thing or if you understand what I mean. Great writing!

That was fantastic – a moving, and very human moment. Haven’t been by in RB for a while. Hope you’re doing ok

and I went looking for the comp too

good !!

‘Her presence tugged at the cage holding the pain in his heart, and she reached up and held his hand’....... Such a beautiful line (and gesture) in a beautiful piece.

...Damien… ‘but his face was not ready’... and ‘she came and stood beside him’...
So graphic and utterly moving, as is the whole…
Got a lump in my throat…

Amazing piece…will have to have a cuppa to try to remove the lump from my throat!

bravo

i wish i could put that little girl in my pocket and take her with me where ever i go -so when my cage is heavy, she could reach open and let my tears run free…. i guess, we all need a ‘little girl’ to help us open our cage once in a while, don’t we?...

thank u.

if only we could view life as a child… sometimes it takes a child to change our view… this was beautiful and much as it feels when depressed as if you are alone and life breezes past without noticing you unless they are inconvenienced in some way… beautiful !

nice use of a child in the story, a great way to bring around a topic so heavy upon many shoulders to one of hope. children do this in stories and in life, its why we relate and can all connect with this story.

sorry how we relate

“The man watched in silence, staring like an automaton through red eyes.”

Very poignant. I thought that sentence let the reader know how much pain the man was in. That paragraph was very thought provoking. Great work.

I came back to read this again today as … I had a very heavy heart today. This story is … comforting.

thank u again.

Damian,

You know I have only the utmost respect for you, but in the name of that truth you asked for, the ending of this made me gag (literally… thankfully I keep a bucket around at all times when I’m reading various works on this site… &smirk&). You write as well as any could hope, and you have a style that can be recognized, the two traits you need to do this “thing we do”, but you made a fatal mistake in trying to wrap the end in the beauty blanket you had devised as would be the ending to begin with, likely why you wrote it anyway (it’s not so long as for me to think it just came to you as you wrote…) And there is nothing wrong with beginning with an ending, so long as you don’t enjoy and let free while working your way there, showing your true skills and thoughtfulness of characters and plot before realizing it is the end and you mail the Hallmark card you had been holding from the get go.
I’d rather be disappointed completely and think it’s a bad day for Damian, than see you fly and then fall because you placed an out of place inspire into something already enveloping us as it was – that just hurts my heart and head and your ego editorial prospects. ;)

You wrapped a life of observation, emotion and ultimately salvation with 250 exquisite words.

Yes, this is one to be read again, and again. Thank you for this.

Oi Damien – don’t listen to G he just didn’t like the twist bit! I mean when you have an angry character in a twist tale you have to twist it into “Nicity” :O) Thus you fulfilled the twist requirement brilliantly! You were setting it up that this guy was angry and about to kick the busker’s face in – I was expecting the busker to be blind I was NOT expecting the child to come and make him better!
That had me… I am not a huge fan of “Sin City” stuff but I will read / watch it for it’s cleverness, I look for the cracks in the shields and this tale of yours is exactly what I have been looking for!
You did it bloody well! BRAVO!!!
You ask for Constructive Critics well I was about to say make him angrier make him more lost but on re-reading it [to see what G was on about] I think now NO! You did it Bloody Well just as it is! BRAVO!!
Chookas! X♥X

Astounding. Constructive criticism? Only that you should write lots more like this.

Damn that was a picture well drawn, great read…

Damian- reading this just left me speechless….

this is absolutely gorgeous. i especially love the last three lines…...wow. xx

Brillant writing my friend.. Long time no hear from…. And the cage awaits…...

Amazing

Great piece of writing. Nice and simple, but good depth.