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An alternate definition of computer pseudonyms

FOR ALL THE COMPUTER USERS A BIT OF NECESSARY INFO

A little bit of Rural Aussie culcha…..
LOG ON:
Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
LOG OFF:
Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR:
Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD:
Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE:
Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD:
Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOW:
What you shut when the weather’s cold.
SCREEN:
What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE:
What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE:
What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP:
A bar snack.
MICROCHIP:
What’s left in the bag after you’ve eaten the chips.
MODEM:
What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP:
Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE:
Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE:
Stainless steel knives & forks – from K-Mart.
MOUSE:
The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME:
What holds the shed up.
WEB:
What spiders make.
WEBSITE:
Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE:
What you do when the Ute won’t go.
CURSOR:
What you say when the Ute won’t go.
YAHOO:
What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE:
A steep hill.
SERVER:
The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER:
The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch.
USER:
The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK:
What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET:
Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE:
What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE:
Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE:
Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren’t strong enough.

An alternate definition of computer pseudonyms

Craig Watson

Yorketown, Australia

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