HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL!

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens its mouth, pop the pill into the mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail; get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.

Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any puppies.

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HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL! by 


Another laugh from an unknown source… Hope you all have a good chuckle!

Comments

  • Maximus
    Maximusabout 6 years ago

    now that’s funny, especially when you’ve done it, or there abouts. :)

  • It is bloody difficult to achieve the task, isn’t it!

    – Craig Watson

  • Irene  Burdell
    Irene Burdellabout 6 years ago

    I have seen this before but being an owner of three cats I can relate to it and it does make me laugh.

  • Thanks for the visit and comment… isn’t it amazing how these spread around on the electronic super highway???

    – Craig Watson

  • midzing
    midzingabout 6 years ago

    LOL… very humerous!!

  • Glad you got a laugh out of this submission to the “bubble”!

    – Craig Watson

  • midzing
    midzingabout 6 years ago

    I almost peed my pants!! I am still laughing,,,(I dont really like cats, so it was the sadistic midzing shining through!!! lol)

  • GlennAlderson
    GlennAldersonabout 6 years ago

    That is awsome, I have tears from LOL. My wife is asking whats so funny.

  • Interpretations
    Interpretationsabout 6 years ago

    That is totally hysterical – I am still wiping tears from my eyes! I have 4 cats and worm tablets are always such a joy to dish out lol I can totally relate :D

  • solareclips~Julie  Alexander
    solareclips~Ju...about 6 years ago

    LOLOLOLOL……… literally!!!!! ;-)

  • RLHall
    RLHallabout 6 years ago

    LOL!!!! They got that right! Ha ha ha…..

  • Lesley  Hill
    Lesley Hillabout 6 years ago

    Craig, wonderful descriptive piece of writing. SO funny! Love it!

  • georgiegirl
    georgiegirlabout 6 years ago

    ha ha ha ha…. I’ll be ROFL all day now!!!! sooooooo funny and so true!!!! This is why we use those little squirty things on the back of their necks!!

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