I carry Costa Rica
I carry the heat that rose above 100 before 10 a.m
I carry the flavor of the morning, coffee, rice and beans
I carry sisters too young to date, but old enough to move out
I miss them
I carry my last memory before I left my home
A century and four years of life
I carry my great grandmothers 104th birthday
I carry the beauty of family but none to be spoken of
I carry an empty hole where my memories should be
I carry that dog of a man whom I was supposed to call father
I carry my mother’s hate seeping through false words of love
I carry constant shift; a turbulence in the course of my life
I carry beautiful blue butterflies and beetles the size of my fist
I carry the monkeys in my grandmas backyard; greedy and vicious
I carry scenery from a tropical paradise with hopes to live there once again
I carry new lifestyles, having a hard time starting life anew
I carry experiences for the first time in the snow
I carry a new language, a barrier I was determined to overcome
I carry a new outlook to the same life from early on because my vision drives me to better my life
I carry mysterious Christmas elves, bringing us all when we had nothing
I carry beautiful Quinceanera parties; three daughters, three princesses, three beauties
I carry trips to Florida, Arkansas, Las Vegas
I carry endless wondrous summer days and brightly speckled summer nights
I carry meteor showers at 4 in the morning
I carry 6 months of useless therapy; spitting curses at the idiot sitting across the room from me
I carry rape…such a beloved relationship shattered by carnal desires
I carry the last time I saw my grandfather, the tears flowing down my face as I said,” “I NEVER want to see you again.”
I carry peace at heart, because life sucks, but you have to cry in order to be able to smile sometimes
But for always…
I carry me
I carry choices coldly examined, deathly executed
I carry no regrets, no limits
I carry no barriers because I’m not ready to give up just yet
I carry power, strength, love
I carry crazy steamy summers of love and years of endless passion
I carry a spicy attitude because nobody else will stand up for me
I carry time bomb emotions because the pain exposition granted me with a thousand gifts
I carry my best friends and all those who look up to me
I carry my influence over others like a badge of Humanity
I carry life forward because I deserve to be happy
I carry my love for my boyfriend tightly wrapped around the fourth finger on my left hand
I carry my new family graciously because without them I would not be here
I carry Dequan and Jarrell; Maya, Eric and Darrell because every home needs support
I carry Naheem and the beauty he describes with images
I carry Nana and aunt Tai; sources of comfort and protection
I carry Tonia and Brian; givers of all I never had; the reasons I smile once again
I carry Ti’Jay because I know he carries me; because through him I know my heart is finally where its supposed to be
I carry a rollercoaster lifestyle because nothing is set but death
I carry this weight; this package because it has made me stronger
And I know that if I carry this on…
My life might just be…
My biggest gift.