I.
These pajamas
are just like the ones
I had when I was three-
permanent press cotton,
thin and cool
perfect for those
summer nights
when it’s not
quite hot enough
to turn on the AC,
so you open all the windows
and maybe have
an oscillating fan going
to help the air circulate…
II.
These buttons are white
but they’re just like
the little blue buttons
I had on my pajamas
when I was three.
The material was cotton-
thin and cool
it was yellow
with buttons,
round and flat—
they were light blue
like the blanket
I used to carry around…
III.
My clumsy fingers fumbled
as I unbuttoned my blue
and slipped out of my yellow;
left standing there
in my underwear
(the ones with the blue flowers)
then I was on the couch
and he was on top of me
and I couldn’t breathe
but it would be over soon
and I could go to bed
locked up safe in my room
and everything would be okay…
IV.
Afterwards,
my fingers fumbled
with my blue buttons
as I went upstairs
on rubberband legs,
hoping
I wouldn’t fall…
Blue Buttons
Reflection on loss of innocence.
©1995
pinkyjain, 6 months ago
Wow, now this is very heavy, & sad, & makes me rage inside that someone can do this to a baby. Its beautiful writing, i hope writing it helped you towards healing. It is amazing how many of these little horror secrets there are out there, & sad, & lonely, too, for the ones who have no one to cry out to, & for the ones scarred for life
Crockpot in reply to pinkyjain’s comment, 6 months ago
It is terrible to think about. I was fortunate though and have not suffered from the consequences nearly as much as many others I have known. I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones.
LocoCow, 6 months ago
Another very erotic piece well done..
Damian, 6 months ago
I’m really sorry to read about this, how shocking Lorie! Very well written and put together, the way you’ve done this certainly says it’s something that is still very close to the surface!
Crockpot in reply to LocoCow’s comment, 6 months ago
Hmm… erotic, eh? LOL! I guess I might have to do some rewriting… any suggestions? Thanks for reading!
Crockpot in reply to Damian’s comment, 6 months ago
It’s okay – really. I wrote this over 10 years ago and have done tons of therapy! I really am okay with it – the whole thing has actually made me much stronger than I ever thought I could be! :)