Rhythm

Craig Mowat
Author: Craig Mowat
Word Count: 522
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Rhythm

Rhythm belongs to the following groups:

Melbourne & Victoria, Sci Fi , Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, Twisted Tales and WMG

The clip fell to the floor, clattering on the tiles. Before it had come to a stop another clip was slapped into place. Lock. Load. Fire again. He counted as they left the barrel. One. Two. Three. With every shot a step back. Steady. Buying time.
They’d stopped coming so hard now, but enough for the rhythm to still hold. Seven. Eight. Lay them straight.
The thought kept trying to get through, but he couldn’t let it stop the count. There were no second chances.
He felt he’d come to an intersection in the corridor. The path flashed in his mind and he turned right. Taking three steps to the beat to clear the corner. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen.
The thought again. What? No. Keep going. They have to make it. Just give them more time. Twenty-one. Twenty-two. Time? Give them time. What’s that thought? Count. Concentrate. It’s coming. Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Grab fresh clip. Thirty. Eject. Step quickly. Slap. Lock. Load. Fire again. One. Two.
What’s your problem? You’ve got to give them time. Why are they only coming fast enough to keep me firing? Five. Six. Pick up sticks. There’s only so many. They can’t go on forever. Nine. Ten. Eleven.
Neither can the bullets. Thud. Wall? Door. Open it? The path flashed. No. Left? Surely they are there now. Turn and run? Am I missing something? Eighteen. Nineteen. Got to give them time. How much?
How many? Clips. Clips! Have I kept count? Twenty-three. Twenty-four. No. Focus. Have to keep going. Buy time. For me? Twenty-nine. Grab clip. Thirty. Eject. They don’t even charge on the change now. What are they waiting for? Who are they giving time to? For me? Check the map. I’m on the path. Didn’t expect to get so far. Didn’t check. Nine. Ten. Begin again.
What other ways get to this spot? Check behind you. No. Got to keep steady. Can’t break rhythm. You do, you die.
Always meant to. One life for many and all that. Not afraid. How long do they need? Who am I giving time to?
Behind you. There’s nothing. I don’t need to look. Nineteen. Twenty? No. Twenty-one – two? Check for a clip. Eject early? Count the clips with your fingers. Shots are wild without two hands. Not everyone a kill. They sense it. Twenty… Forget it. Eject. Clatter. Slap. Lock. Load. Fire again.
They’re building again. Is this what they are waiting for? For others. Where did they come from? Are there more anywhere else?
Keep count. Concentrate. Three. Four. Should I have taken the door? You’re on the path. Nearly there. With these behind me. The building rumbles. I’m leading these straight to them. The engine sounds reach me. The transport.
My radio crackles. “Thank you, Ethan.” They’re leaving. “I love you.” I want to say it back, but they are surging now. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen. Now that I am no use to them. Now that she is safe.
Didn’t expect to get this far.
Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five. Time to start running. I’m still alive.

  • Devalyn Marshall

    Devalyn Marshall

    Cool writing, gave me goose bumps!!!!!!

  • Craig Mowat replied

    Thanks for the compliment.

  • Miri

    Miri

    the short staccato sentences really worked….felt almost stressed reading it!
    Not really sure what’s happening but i did like it!

  • Craig Mowat replied

    Thanks. I was trying to get into the mind of a stressed person in a confusing situation. That’s part of why it’s a bit ambiguous. The people were attacked, they don’t know why. I skipped the scene setting, the initial attack, the plan to get away and started with the heroic stand. I tried to give the story some rhythm and pace, and I think it worked.

  • Damian

    Damian

    Cool work Craig, loved the scenario.

    It reminded me of the movie Aliens, so I guess that was the face I put on the chasers, whether that was right or not?

  • Craig Mowat replied

    Thanks Damian. What ever you saw is right, as long as they were a scary threat. I left it to the reader to decide how scared to be. That said, most readers I’ve spoken to see Aliens too.

  • Natella2020

    Natella2020

    No aliens in my mind, only humans. This is very tense, loved the flow of it. Skillful ending, very well-written.

  • Craig Mowat replied

    I’m glad you enjoyed the ending. It came long after the beginning, and I was worried it would ruin the flow. You’ve set me at ease. Thank you.

  • bearpaw

    bearpaw

    it felt like my breathing was going with the flow of your writing… very amazing and yeah just wow

  • Craig Mowat replied

    Thank you for the compliment Bearpaw. I’m glad you got into the story.

  • parth0009

    parth0009

    hey man that was really grreat keep it up

  • Craig Mowat replied

    Will do. Thanks for commenting.

  • Digby

    Digby

    You’ll never make it!

  • Craig Mowat replied

    You can only keep trying.

  • MuscularTeeth

    MuscularTeethVoted Most Helpful Bubbler

    keep them shots short and precise. conserve ammo. keep moving. lay traps.

  • ArcadiaTempest

    ArcadiaTempest

    The pace of this reels you in….I imagined ghost like aliens that were more powerful as I group….don’t ask why…it just felt like that. I wanted to tell him to just run! Really enjoyable read….should do more on this :))

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Tags:

melviccomp and rhythm