(I wrote this little story about ten years ago for our newspapers. I came across it today and decided that a resurrection might be in order. Enjoy!)
Have you ever wondered about those little “baby” ears of corn that are pickled and used in oriental foods? Do they grow like that? Maybe they are really regular sized ears of corn that are subjected to the shrinking methods that were once used by South American head-hunters. Maybe there are tiny little fields of corn growing in the smallest state of our nation – Rhode Island. But if there are do they use midget-sized tractors to cultivate with and, if so, who drives them? Maybe they are just ears that were never allowed to reach maturity – never allowed to wave in the wind and look over the fields from a lofty stature. If that is the case shouldn’t we form some type of baby corn ears activist group?
What is the correct way to eat “baby” ears of corn? Do you nibble each little row like you do a regular sized ear? Can you pick them up with your fingers or does Emily Post say that you have to use little prongs? Maybe tweezers would work?
Brussel Sprouts must be from the same family as baby corn. Wouldn’t it be neat if you were driving along, just sight-seeing, and you came across a baby corn field right next to a Brussel Sprouts field. Aren’t Brussel Sprouts supposed to be little cabbages? Have you ever tried to make cole slaw out of these?
And speaking of cabbage, isn’t Sauer Kraut just rotten cabbage? I guess if we called it Rotten Cabbage then no one would eat it.
And then there’s cherry tomatoes. Are these really cherries that have been injected with tomato juice so that they look like real tomatoes and are attractive in salads? Have you ever tried to stuff a cherry tomato with tuna salad? It’s hard! Do cherry tomatoes grow on trees or on a vine? If they grow on a tree must you put a tomato cage around them so that they feel more like real tomatoes?
Now what about water chestnuts? Are they chestnuts off of a chestnut tree that have been soaked in water? If not then what do they grow on? I’ve wondered about harvesting water chestnuts. Do you use water buffalo’s like you would an ox? And are there water squirrels that store these things up for the winter?
Recently I discovered a new treat called “Dried Cranberries.” Since cranberries are usually grown in bogs couldn’t someone develop a strain that would grow in arid regions and are dry when harvested? That way they wouldn’t have to squash the water out of the other ones in order to make dried ones!
Rice is grown in fields flooded with water but when we cook it we have to do so in water. Why? After it’s cooked we drain all the water off of it before we eat it so why couldn’t it just be harvested from the watery regions in “ready to eat” form?
Wouldn’t it be fun if someone had a recipe for cookies made with powdered milk so that all you had to do was dunk them in water?
My grandbaby has a milk allergy and her mother gives her “almond milk.” Is it pressed out of almonds or do you have to milk them with little tiny milking machines? Are there herds of dairy almonds? And how many almonds would you have to milk to obtain one glass full?
When you cook pop-corn shrimp does it come in microwaveable packets or do you use a hot-air popper?
One thing I’ve never puchased is Toffu. That stuff sounds awful to me. It seems to me that if people would just wash their feet more then they wouldn’t have to deal with Toffu.
All this food for thought has made me tired so I think I’ll just play like a couch potato and watch my favorite show – The Galloping Gourmet – and then vegetate for a while.