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The Lab Rat

how are you?
she said
as she gazed at my face
with a questioning look.

how am i?
i thought
as i blankly looked
past her shoulder
and out into space

who am i?
i thought
i used to be me
but now I’m not sure
who I am any more

i sense there’s worry afoot
and it’s landing on me
i don’t understand why
i won’t harm anyone
i won’t drown when I cry
- i don’t think

i don’t think I’ll drown
or hurt anyone
but I’m closer than I’ve been in my life
i feel assertion grow into aggression
the devil take over my life
- and laugh at me

but i’ll laugh back
i know how to laugh
it will all turn out to be fine
it’s just an experiment – a weird experiment
the lab rat is loose in my mind
- it’s a white one
- called Clare

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Written about the same time I found RB.
Not connected :)
I was broken hearted.
Studying Counselling at University
Not connected:)

I think those of you that may have visited Psychs will understand this poem.

I hope you feel better too.

Clare, a photographic artist, lives on the Mid North Coast of NSW. She sees the world both vast and microscopic through the eyes of her Pentax cameras. This is her passion. This is her life!

She sends her heartfelt appreciation to those of you who have bought her work.

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  • Purplecactus
    Purplecactusover 4 years ago

    This is a take on depression that I have not come across before and it really is an interesting one. It can often feel like you are the subject of some cruel experiment, thats for sure.

    I am host for a group called The wonderful world of words and i would be really chuffed if you would pop by, have a look and maybe add this corking piece of work

  • Thank you for your comments on this work. I wrote this about 2 years while I was very depressed, crying and studying Grad. dip in Counselling. Re-reading it can take me straight back to that feeling….which isn’t so good really.
    I will certainly look at your writing group.
    thank you for the invitation,

    – Clare Colins

  • Corri Gryting Gutzman
    Corri Gryting ...over 4 years ago

    Love it!
    Thanks for sharing!

  • Most welcome.

    – Clare Colins

  • DragonFlyer
    DragonFlyerover 4 years ago

    O my friends – which one of you wrote this? Can she talk to the others? Do they feel the same too – or not???

    What an amazing combination of words – powerful – such a deep metaphor with so many meanings and implications… I hope things settle down here in my world – I so want to come and visit you…
    K xxx

  • I wrote this about the same time I joined RB. What a remarkable healing place RB is. where would we be otherwise? I wonder!
    Clare xx

    – Clare Colins

  • Zefira
    Zefiraover 4 years ago

    such creative expression

  • Thank you for reading my poem Zefira,

    – Clare Colins

  • Danica Radman
    Danica Radmanalmost 4 years ago

    Clare i hug you.

  • Thank you Danica.
    The Lab Rat is well fed and happy these days. She’s in retirement :))

    – Clare Colins

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