Helpless
Waiting . . . waiting . . .
Time passes, immeasurably slowly;
Waiting . . . waiting . . . ;
The clock seems the same.
Waiting . . . waiting . . .
First call comes;
Progressing slowly but well;
More still to go.
Waiting . . . waiting . . .
Next call comes;
First part finished,
Little harder than expected.
Waiting . . . waiting . . .
Another call.
All is finished,
has gone okay; but
Waiting . . . waiting . . .
While this unwinds so very slowly
Make a call, Let another know.
Arrange a time and place.
Waiting . . . waiting . . .
Meet and go together
Waiting . . . waiting . . .
Until settled.
No more waiting,
Now we see.
Pain . . . immeasurable pain
Eyes tell the story . . when they’re open.
Tubes, equipment,
Supplies and noise . . .
All fade away in the face of
Pain.
Still not fully aware but
Afraid to move,
Can’t breathe properly
Mouth like cottonwool after so long.
Necessary intrusions
aggravate
Drawn skin and
Shallow breaths.
At long last,
Ice cubes come
Ahhhh, a minor relief
But it makes it minutely less.
A break is taken
to allow for care
It takes forever
to wend through passages.
Upon return,
the pain is still visible
But moisute has done it’s job
Awareness and speech.
Leave must be taken
To allow ones own care.
Knowing the pain is unavoidable but needed
Feeling so helpless in the knowledge of such pain.
It can’t be imagined,
only felt.
It can’t be prevented,
Only lessened a miniscule amount.
It will improve,
Slowly, ohhhhh, so slowly.
© J.V. Clarke
7th January 2011.
Comments
I really feel for you Jan – you have been so brave
I’m sorry, Chris, I didn’t put in the description that this wasn’t me. Nonetheless, I appreciate your comment very much. The perso who it’s about was very brave indeed; I’ve experienced some pretty bad pain myself but i can’t imagine what this was like.
– Jan Clarke
Emotional and I too feel your pain.Things will improve I pray for you sweetheart.
xxx
Thank you, Cynthia, it was painful just to see. I apologise for not putting in the description at the time of posting that it wasn’t me but it’s there now.
– Jan Clarke
Watching someone you care about, sick and in pain is the worst feeling. Went through this with my husband’s open heart surgery.
It was very upsetting to know that there was nothing I could do, I had to leave it all in the hands of other even though they were highly trained. One of the most amazing things was the visible difference that a tiny amount of moisture made – 7.5 hours in surgery without any moisture in the mouth is a very long time!
– Jan Clarke
Oh, gosh, Jan…I read this when you posted it and just couldn’t comment then. It made me cry…..
Such powerful words.
I’m sorry it made you cry, Robin, that wasn’t my intention but the fact that it drew a reaction from you means a lot to me, it means I was able to convey some of what happened, ad the helplessness felt in such circumstances.
– Jan Clarke
congratulations :)
Thank you for this honour, Red, I appreciate it very much.
– Jan Clarke
wow.
I’m sorry for the loss and having to face that – from the illness on out.
But want to thank you for sharing your heart and story.
May peace and unexpected blessings find your way…
I wrote this the day after Len had undergone major surgery and he was in ICU. To see him in so much pain and know that there was nothing I could do for him, that I had to trust others to care for him, was hard. I felt so helpless in the face of the immense pain Len was in.
Thank you very much for reading appreciating this, Cynthia. I appreciate your beautiful blessings and wishes for my future. The future unfilds at its own pace.
– Jan Clarke
a moving depth here
Thank you for taking the time to read and understand, Donna. I appreciate your lovely comment and the fave very much.
– Jan Clarke
you say its not you, either way I got rolled into the story some-how, it was great, as though you had passed on your understanding, personal, really well written. nicely done.
Thqnk you for taking the time to read and comment, Trevor. I’m pleased that my writing was able to involve you and give you, perhaps, a little understanding of what my husband went through and how helpless I felt at not being able to do anything to help him or relieve his unimaginable pain. I hope the future brings you wonderful things.
– Jan Clarke
Excellent write exposing all our frustrations.
Thank you very much for this wonderful gift, Carnal. I appreciate it.
– Jan Clarke