Why Do I Love Him, When I Hate Him So Much?

Why do I love him, when I hate him so much? Is what I always ask myself.
When I’m at school, when I’m in close proximity from him, when I’m at home, when I’m in bed.
This stupid question is always in my head!
Even now when I’m writing this stupid poem to him!
I hate the thought of him being with another girl and me fearing I might know her.
Which he claims I don’t.
I hate the fact that he not only broke my heart but he took part of my soul.
And I had about enough with people taking part of my soul!

He told me I was the only girl he needed and I believed his words!
I’ve heard this in the past from other guys and I should’ve learned by now! But stupid me fell to my knees and praised him!
I might be the dumbest girl on this God forsaken planet!
Because of him not only did I betray the trust of my friends but I also broke my promise that I would never ever hurt myself to solve my problems. And I also came up with this bothersome question, which sometimes doesn’t let me sleep for days!

I know I should be over this, but I’m not!
And that’s really frustrating!
Every time I’m trying to listen some of my favorite bands on my ipod I can’t because their songs remind me of the past when him and I were together and they remind me of the present.
When I cry, when I’m mad, when I hate, when I love, their songs remind me of him!
And I hate it!

Why did everything have to go up in flames?
What went wrong! ?
Was it because I avoided him?
Maybe because I ditched him when he waited for me?
Or was it because I ignored him?
Was it that?
Was it my fault that tore us apart, that drove him away?

I tore us apart for your own safety, because I loved you.
And I hate myself for saying it but,
I still do.

Why Do I Love Him, When I Hate Him So Much?

clarisesteff101

Joined August 2009

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