Body?
Is it an object? do we really own ours? Is it a gift if the body of a woman or a man is desirably structured and a curse if its not?
Who decides what is a perfect bodily structure? Who decides what is not?
What if I just eat less and exercise more? will i portray aesthetic perfection and will I fit in with society?
This is such a controversial topic as body issues contribute to society everyday. They have a massive effect on what we eat, what we wear, what size looks good in what and is easily blamed for the high rate of anorexic and insecure teenage girls and much more surprisingly, teenage boys.
I have felt very strongly about this topic as I have had and at times still do have body image problems. I have been so disconnected from my body my whole life, as I have always been taught that private parts were meant to stay private. I even developed a guilt complex about being nude even though it brings me so much freedom and joy.
My breast size was always an issue as I felt small breasts were unattractive and young girlish.
I have written this journal entry to express my compassion to those, who themselves, have body issues, who’s daughters, sisters or even brothers or sons may have been effected by this phenomena.
It has touched my heart greatly and has consumed my life more often than not.
I am now 24 and thanks to a very special friend of mine, am learning to love the body that I know I can share gracefully through humble energy.
I feel it is not just the media that portray skinny as attractive. It is perhaps the absent learning of celebrating body and body connectedness that has us in personal wars with our figures..
Just because our bodies carry us physically doesn’t mean that us and our bodies are one. We tend to abuse our bodies by not eating, by eating too much, by drinking obscene amounts of alcohol.
We are forgetting that the function of our bodies is here to express emotion and be appreciated, not here to be harshly judged constantly by the inner critic that has been formed through relentless hardship and chaos.
It is very easy for one to judge another by her/his aesthetic potential, however it is a very humble person indeed that can hold and honor the image of a naked body in their mind and appreciate what it is right then in that moment. Not what it could be and not what they wish it would be.
We easily blame skinny people and deem them as potentially dangerous in our society by announcing their weight as our problem. We then judge them as young if they have not developed breasts or a penis to the desired size, or if there figure does not match that of a woman or man. We judge the aesthetic image of others by projecting onto them what we are insecure about in ourselves.
Having said this I have done and at times still do become insecure about what I look like naked, as I have struggled with body image my whole life. I have had depression and abused my body in ways of which I though would never heal and still wear the scars from that every day.
However achieving the body I have always wanted and wiping out the race of skinny women was never going to take away the pain driving my desperate need to look perfect.
Since then I have found that my desperate need for perfection was actually a desire for a perfect life.I wanted perfect love and thought that I would find this more if I had the perfect aesthetic. This thought was subconscious and dangerous, as I sought after media hype of skinny celebs to blame them for my addiction. Having done this on numerous occasions with only short bouts of temporary relief, I decided it was time to look at what this illness is “really” about.
So I bring this issue out of the dark as I feel that body insecurities are far more deeper than what the media, television, fashion labels and boutique stores portray.
It isn’t really possible to constantly blame what we see, because it isn’t really possible to control it… However what we can control is how we react to the images we see or just understand why………
Shoaib .
i like the thoughts you’ve expressed here… i think its natural for everyone; male and female to have issues with the self preception of their bodies… i think its true that we certainly have media – magazines tv for a lot of the way we precieve “ideal” bodies to look – enhanced breast size, 6 pack abs…. but it comes form other places to – what people say… we tend to be very affected by how others judge us and how we feel others judge us…
now contrary to popular belief men really dont find “thin” to be the sexiest, actually we perfer a womens hip to waist ratio to be .7 and have to symmetric faces (indicators of genetic fitness as done by cross cultural studies)
Im 24 also and maybe i dont have the best body image myself – but i think you come to a point where you just say F$#@ it… and feel the freedom of being in ur own skin
once you do that you can embrace being you
much love
ClaireV:
Hey thanks heaps for your comment.
I think what I was trying to say is that perhaps it might be an idea to take the emphasis off blaming what others look like for our body image issues. I just feel as you have also commented that the actual issue itself might be a little deeper than what we first percieved.
Its nice to hear from someone who is also passionate about this topic.
thanks again
claire
Biggzie
Claire, this is very open, honest & thought provoking
Beautifully written
ClaireV:
Hey nice to hear from you! thank you so much for taking the time to comment.. It means a lot..
Claire
Tony Ryan
Hi Claire,
Think it is such a positive thing for women like yourself to write as you have here. So many women and people in general seem to want to blame externals for their pain and insecurity. Once we have adult minds I beleive we have the opportunity to take responsibility for our past experiences and also for the society pressures we encounter.
When all is said and done I believe most humans are interested in looks even though it is easier to say beauty is only skin deep and that true beauty is in the soul. This may be true but it is covering up the desire that most have to look good and I beleive there is nothing wrong with having pride in your appearance. The key is to have balance with everything. In our hearts I beleive we know what looks beautiful and healthy and so long as we follow this I can see no issues. This of course means looking deeper into our influences to make sure we are projecting from our hearts.
As you mention so many of us also see our bodies as commodities and get very compeditive and possessive. To me anything we have be it a talent or a body or intelligence is a gift. It doesn’t make us better or worse than the next person. However if we accept our gift with humility our gift becomes empowering to all.
For what it is worth whilst I like you best when you have some extra weight on I find you to be a very beautiful looking woman. Also am very glad that you have kept your natural breasts as they are in my opinion a work of art. Most of all I love your honesty and the humility and grace that you have when you are honest. Funny thing is when you are at your most humble I have never seen you look better. On the recent weekend in Millicent I felt that your looks and honesty and integrity was truly inspiring.
Best Wishes Tony.
Best Wishes Tony.
Evan Steele
I believe body image is purely one’s perception. One person may like the full rounded look of a person and then another will like a slim petite person. Neither are right nor wrong, it is only wrong when a person implies their belief onto another.
The beauty of a person is purely from within, and that can be from any physical shape or size.
But you’re so lucky to gifted with both, on the outside and within, in my opinion.
But of course that’s only my opinion, you have to think it and believe it for yourself.
I have found it difficult to be myself, I guess I didn’t think I was good enough for people to like me, but as I get older I realise you have to be true to yourself and let people accept you as you are and it all seems to fall into place. It’s building the self confidence that then gives you the power to except yourself as you are.
I’m sure that special friend would be telling you something like this, all you have to do is believe it.
Evan Steele
P.S. Perfectly said Tony.
Chris Curnow
Thank you for such a wonderful and honest piece Claire. I found it very touching and will point to it on my blog if you don’t mind.
We men spend very little time thinking about what it must be like to be a women. To be honest when I first saw you I thought you must be a woman who is very happy with her body. But then something deeper in me kicked in and I remembered all the discussions I have had with women over my life and that it was probably quite hard for you as you describe in this piece.
Also, to agree with Tony, during the session the other day, I came very close to saying something I have have only ever said to one woman in my life – “you have gorgeous breasts.”
Even saying it with the separation of writing rather than with the spoken word, I am fearful of your reaction when I say that.
Anyway, thanks again for your beautiful piece. You are a wonderful and amazing woman.
Ianm
Hi Claire, if you want to experience perfect Love you might like to check out www.Louix.org
matt1973
i agree with you claire. its only our own minds that can control what we see in ourselves. we cant control forced upon us on a daily basis in all forms of media. We control our own perception of ourselves. when someone can see whats inside themselves and the beauty in there. we can then be happy in our own world.
hsvg8r
Hi Claire. As a father of a teenage daughter and son, your essay is thought provoking and true into today’s media centric culture. On the other hand, historical culture, 19th century art, and stone age artifacts suggest different body types, particularly feminine and less famished, is much more the eternal standard of beauty.