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Taking things personally (no.2 of the 'Spiritual Taboos')

As I addressed in my previous article about assumption, we need to pick apart these spiritual taboos in order to redefine who we really are. I named them the ‘taboos’ because if you are on your path to enlightenment and still practice these traits – you are hindering your development.

This one – not taking things personally – is a real humdinger.

When you take something personally or are offended, you are, in a nutshell, agreeing with what has been said about you. Does this ring true or are you still having a hard time grappling with this concept? When you feel offended you are agreeing with the offender because it has touched a nerve. Nerves aren’t always twisted, you know – let me explain:

If someone tried to hurt you, or perhaps even inadvertently, says something to you that you don’t agree with – no problem – you usually shrug off this kind of ‘offense’ because it really doesn’t bother you. For example: You are happy with your appearance and feel you are a fine specimen, someone passes by in a vehicle and shouts out ‘hey, freak!’ Here is your moment; do you agree with that or not? If you are 100% confident that you are a perfectly chic human being then you would most likely shrug the comment off and have a good laugh. Why? This is because you don’t agree with the statement.

Now, if you think you are ‘okay’ looking but there could be room for improvement, or, in the extreme, if you are someone with downright low self esteem, this statement would be devastating because a part of you, or perhaps – most of you, agrees with this. You are shocked that someone else has found you out! You thought if you could keep your head down no-one would notice you but here someone has clearly seen your faults. This feels like a low blow and you become all knotted up in your stomach (solar plexus area).

This is actually rooted in fear – the fear of imperfection and/or of not being accepted, which is, of course, an illusion. Who get’s to be the judge and jury on what is deemed beautiful accepted or hideous? The tabloids? Hollywood? Just spare a thought as to who you give your power over to, that which dictates what beauty and normal is, and try to see that it is all fake. True beauty and acceptance is in the eye of the beholder. So anyone claiming to know what beauty or normal definitely is needs very close examining if they are not including every member of the human race in their synopsis.

To agree with anyone over anything stemming from feelings of lack would be disempowering.

The same could be said over someone slighting your intelligence. If you don’t feel stupid then any snide remark over your competence could be easily overlooked but if you are worried about what others think, a dig at your IQ could mean the world to you.

This is not truly the fault of the insulter – it is actually your fault. Sounds harsh and it is. But if we are going to get real about this we need to dive right into the core of the problem and bring it up for close inspection. The person doing the insulting is only reminding you of something that needs to be taken out within yourself to have a good, long and hard look at – and to rectify. Although you probably won’t want to give them a gold medal for their efforts at the time, I assure you that some people are in this life to push your buttons, in a seemingly unloving way, to actually give you the opportunity to reconsider your belief structures – this may be on a level that even they are not aware of. If there are no buttons to push, then you can walk away head held high knowing that that is something you have overcome or never had a doubt about in the first place. It is the slights that leave us feeling wounded that mean that we have a program still running within us that wants to be ended, a cache that needs clearing.

What offends you? What is it that you are always dreading might come up in conversation? You have to be cruel in examining these beliefs in order to be kind to yourself. We all face difficult, dark moments of self realization, when we see the agreements we have made about ourselves and have to try to turn it around. When you can out these undesirable contracts you can begin to repair them. We have to discover why we felt the lack and how we are feeling now about the same issue. Then we must align it to our higher self by breaking down the agreement piece by piece and offer it up to the light to be cleansed. What do I mean by this? This simply means to shed light on a problem. When it has come to our full attention we can dissemble it and make a new beneficial agreement about ourselves. We need to look at ourselves and find the beauty inherent in us, not always trying to fish out our perceived faults. When you treat yourself with loving kindness and nurture your self esteem with positive thoughts, you will begin to shift into alignment with your higher self.

Some of these agreements we made at a very young age. When we are young we have no inhibitions and sang at the top of our voices, danced our hearts out (whether someone was looking or not) and thought we were princesses and superheroes. Then one day someone came along and made you feel less than what you felt about yourself. You may have paused to take it in – then you made a crucial decision. Either you agreed with what they said or you didn’t. That is why some of us can still dance freely and not be bothered whilst others cringe at the thought of dancing in public – this could be due to an earlier experience of being made to feel like you were no good by someone who was only giving you one piece of the puzzle.

Let me explain. When I said that the person was only giving one piece of the puzzle I mean that they have a preference based on their version of reality. That is one person’s perspective in a sea of other possible candidates – ones who may have loved your form of expression. This person could have also been a child, an acquaintance, a stranger or it could have been someone you trusted and loved deeply. The latter is often the case and can make the hurt twice as strong. However, we must consider that some things are said in the heat of the moment and not really meant by the offender, so we really need to see why we made the agreement.

You also need to know that you can never have universal appeal with absolutely everyone. You or your talents may not be one person’s cup of tea but what about all the other people in the world who will resonate with your particular brand of uniqueness. Neither being important though because it is ultimately you who needs to please you. When you do this then you are immediately accepted and no outside influence can make you feel anything other than what you know yourself to be.

We always tend to disregard the ones who encourage us, leaving only space in our thoughts for the ones who hurt us. Why is this, I wonder? Everyone has the urge to be liked and accepted for who they are. This is normal. But what we need to redefine is what is normal? Every soul is special and has equally unique attributes, abilities and ways of expressing themselves creatively. There should be no judgment. When there is judgment on this, we must question the one doing the judging. Without freedom of expression this world would be a very dull place. Without diversity in hair colour, body shapes, talents, voices, tastes, etc we would be tantamount to sheep running around in a field day in and day out – bah-bah-boring! Love your difference, embrace yourself. Begin to discover, on the deepest level, who you truly are and what you have done – not only in this lifetime but in the countless life experiences you have had. Draw on the wealth of talents you have that you haven’t even begun to extract from your being.

As the oracle in the movie The Matrix had written above her kitchen door: ‘Know thyself’ (a long established ancient Greek aphorism).

When you do, there is nothing anyone can say or do to you that would ever hurt you because you will be resolute as to who you are and nobody can take that away from you, unless you allow them to.

When you are living with the statement ‘be the best you can be’ and you are doing this with all your integrity and might then you have nothing to fear. Empowerment comes from fearing nothing and facing every day with courage and love in your heart. Strive to be the best and do the best you can in every situation and you will be living in your integrity and you will know yourself. Then words or energy that does not fit with your frequency or vibration will not even penetrate your field of self. You have become the master of your life and your reality.

Something worth looking into, wouldn’t you say?

Taking things personally (no.2 of the 'Spiritual Taboos')

Cherie Roe Dirksen

Barrydale, South Africa

  • Artist
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Artist's Description

How to not take things personally or be offended.

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