(sh. story) Aussie Scrooge's Christmas musings....©

Yeah, yeah…*It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas* here in Aus and its only bloody October! Scorchin’ sun and pissin’ rain. Yeah, bring on bloody Christmas I say! S’posed to be the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year too! For merchandisers, advertising agencies, redundancies and kids more like it! Sheer hell for anyone left sain like you and me (and I’m not so sure ‘bout you!).

And what’s with all this sharing, peace and goodwill? A Sleigh Ride together? For Two? Blah! Have to put a Rain Cheque on that one ‘cos it’s bloody Summer here now – and you can pay for your own ticket too! Winter wonderland? Let It Snow? Ha! Sloppy bloody mess snow is! Actually, probably will snow here soon – with Global warming – now there’s a happy thought!

Talkin’ ’bout thinkin’ – I never figured intelligent humans would make such a fuss over the first Noel. And I thought his name was Jesus? I stand corrected! Supposedly, brings Joy to the world too! Wasn’t she here already? Anyway, who do Joy and Noel think they are having such a big noisy party and not inviting me?

All that bloody noise and do you hear what I hear or is it my tinnitus playing up again? Could be Joy and Noel at it again perhaps OR those bloody Hark the Herald Angels singing again! (Wouldn’t see the Age’s angels makin fools of ‘emselves!) Hark, hark – I say STOP ! Stop with the Jingle (ing) and Silver Bells ringing too! Enough to make this scrooge barf – I’m prayin’ for a bloomin’ silent night or two I am!

Hey, by the bloomin’ way Santa; just a reminder. All I want(ed) for Christmas was my two front teeth all those years ago. Being now sixty three and STILL WAITING for them, a winning Tattslotto ticket will do to make up for YOUR forgetfulness then! I’m not greedy, I only want one ticket! And I’ve stopped complaining ‘bout the whistlin’ sound the gap makes too!

I do try to deck my halls with boughs of holly’. Yes, I’m really trying! Keepin’ in the spirit? Bah – prickly bloody stuff that holly is, so I’m glad actually, that this is AUSTRALIA MATE – bloody last decades tinsel and last years cards – all four of ‘em ‘decking my halls’. Very pretty dust traps I do say!

Christmas is s’posed to be filled with happy memories. Bahhhh Humbug! My only memory of Christmas (as a child) was when my Dad once said “*I’ll Be Home For Christmas*”, so my Mummy had to stop kissing Santa as I saw her do those nights! – Oh No! Here ‘Comes’ Santa Claus AGAIN!

Yeah…the only sensible one’s at Christmas are me and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer it seems. He, having that shiny, red nose meant HE got chosen over ALL the other reindeer. (Mind you, that meant he had to pull more than his weight. Hmmmm). I’ve a red nose AND I can whistle…wonder if that means Santa will……….

Anyway, apparently, away In The Manger in that little Town Of Bethlehem, those three Kings of Orient are – well, were supposedly; so we’re told. Well. That’s n..o..i..c..e..! BUT do I need to bloody know about poor Noel sleepin in a feed trough (at least it had some hay in it! Stop whinging!) and the fact that some rich giessers had nothing better to do than travel afar an’ give bloody herbs, smelly stuff and gold to ‘im? (hmmm…an’ all I want’s a winning Tattslotto ticket too……) And WHERE exactly on earth were they anyway? Only thing I know is I’ll have ANOTHER bloody miserably Blue Christmas here in bloody red hot ‘stralia and get bloody nothin’ again!

….and my last flippin’ thought ‘bout this bloody ‘season’ is to
have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas!
(it’s the thought that bloody counts…..not the size!!!!)

(sh. story) Aussie Scrooge's Christmas musings....©


Ascot Vale, Australia

  • Artist
  • Artwork Comments 4

Artist's Description

This is my slightly rude, slightly different slant on Charles Dicken’s ‘A Christmas Carol’ including (in story line) some of our ‘favorite’ Christmas song titles.

Have fun trying to find the 20 (ish) titles and above all,

Have yourselves a Merry Little Christmas


Artwork Comments

  • whiterabbit79
  • CDeblin
  • Matt Roberts
  • CDeblin
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