Sea Of Apathy
The man awakens at first light and lies in bed thinking about his life. He reflects that he just doesn’t care about anything anymore. His wife had died in an automobile accident on her way to a grocery store.
The man reflected on how they shared everything together. He remembered how they met each other at a concert in the park. They both learned to love classical music from that first experience together.
He missed her style. He missed her choices of bright colors that clashed and crashed loudly into his mind. Now his life had cooled down into blues and grays and other quiet colors.
His whole life has changed since she died. He ponders on his own apathy and remembers the life they had together. He briefly considered suicide to be together again with her, even in death.
But suddenly, he was startled back into the real world by the loud crying of his baby daughter, who just woke up and was hungry.
Comments
I enjoyed the twist and the story but I couldn’t help wondering why you didn’t give the man a name?
Perhaps the intention was to keep it matter of fact until reality struck withe the twist… trouble was you’d already drawn me in!
Thanks, Micky
Truth is, it just didn’t cross my mind. I was so worried about fitting the word style into it that i guess i just focused too much.
I feel that the star twisters have fallen into the shadow of apathy and need to be re-invigorated. My recent absence hasn’t helped much but that couldn’t be avoided. (hard drive crash)
What we need is a magic word that anyone would find it easy to write about. Perhaps that will happen soon. I don’t mean to be critical, but style was difficult for me. Anyway, I suppose it was good for me as an exercise in writing.
Thanks again for reading. JH
– Jim Hall
Lovely twist, I thought they were an older couple. Nice succinct writing
As I often say but am never listened to, no applause please, just throw money!. Thanks for your comment. Sometimes I wonder if there are more than just five or six people out there. Or perhaps most readers are just afraid to voice their opinions. I hope that’s not true, and once again, thanks! JH
– Jim Hall
Well done Jim!! Excellently written and a very poignant twist.
Thank you dearly, Alison. Your comments always mean very much to me.:) JH
– Jim Hall
I liked the sadness and grief in this piece Jim, although I am glad that the protagonist was pulled back from the edge by a simple baby’s cry. Otherwise I would have thought that there was no hope at all.
Thank you for commenting. In brief, I wrote this by using my imagination. I’m not one to dwell on death or suicide, but it seemed to be a compelling thought to put into words. I suppose my goal was to rescue those who do think of it. There is so much in this world for us to do and so many who are apathetic for whatever reason. We all need a good kick in the ass, so to speak! At least no one is shooting at us (except in Afghanistan and Iraq). When I went to Viet Nam, in another millennium, my associates cursed the buttons on their uniforms for holding them so high up off the ground. In my view, nothing helps you appreciate life so much as a situation where something or someone attempts to take it away! The protagonist was one of the lucky ones in that he had something to anchor him to this world. (I apologize for my wordiness, but sometimes I have to vent. Good thing I don’t drink on Sundays!)
Again, thanks for your comment. JH
– Jim Hall
Congrats, Mister!! Next prompt to you!
Thank you most graciously, Zolton. And thanks to all those who voted for my story. I know in my heart that Alison Pearce would have taken it with her story “Wednesday’s Child” if she had entered in time, though. At this point, I feel that she should get an honorable mention. But thanks to all and let’s get to work with the next challenge, and the next, etc. Mirrors are laden with latent magic that everyone accepts and then promptly forgets. Who knows what might arise from this prompt?
And remember, bubblers rule! JH
– Jim Hall
Congrats on a well deserved win Jim!!
Have I ever said “thank you, Alison” ? If not, why not? (an admirer) JH
– Jim Hall
wow! i was very surprised by the end, i had the feeling they were an older couple, too…‘he’ really exudes that sense of someone towards the end of life, which is logical given the circumstance of his wife’s death, but the fact that this is a mental/emotional state and not a physical (age) one really hits home with that last surprise line.
i had a few places where i was confused by the tense, though. it seems to alternate: he remembers, he remembered; he reflects, he reflected…i feel the story in the present tense, so those few past-tense verbs confused me a little. just a thought :)
Dearest Zoe,
I feel that your criticism is correct in this matter. However, The story was written in haste with the intent of sparking a response from a sluggish and sleepy contributing writer’s pool. I will attempt to improve with time and also to attempt to jump-start other writers into action. We, as a group, and in my view, have much to be proud of as writers. One never knows what level of great artist may arise from the ashes of our writing campfires. I know of one who, in my view, will become known as one of the best, but she will remain nameless for now. Wouldn’t want to jinx anyone.
Thanks for reading and for commenting, and I’ll try to keep your advice in mind, but with the state of affairs in the world of beer-drinking, I can make no long-term promises(chuckle!) JH
– Jim Hall
Congrats on this twister Jim ….a baby crying is such a reminder that life is new still.
Thank you. Children are the future of the Earth. Have been since the Garden of Eden. Many times I forget this fact of life, so let this story help to boost my Karma. Thanks for caring enough to read and comment. And as I said earlier, Bubblers rule! JH
– Jim Hall