I see him sometimes in the park. He’s generally sitting on a bench, sometimes feeding the pigeons with stale bread. They greedily devour these offerings with no more thought to their benefactor than a cornucopia, an outwelling of food. They don’t really see him as a fellow creature. He has a dreamy, faraway expression on his face, never seeming to focus upon this world at all. His mouth is set in a gentle smile, never altering, irrespective of the situation.
I come here every day to eat my lunch and relax from the office awhile. In the midst of this bustling city the dull grey is chased back by verdant green, a haven of peace, a sanctuary from the bottom line.
I hear the talk, though, the gossip, the seemingly benevolent words that are in reality mocking. I hate it when people do that. They say he’s simple. Slow. Dim-witted. Non compos-mentis, said as often in pity as in derision. Sometimes I wonder whether pity is a form of derision.
But the kids can be crueler:
“Moron!”
“Retard!”
“Big stupid head!”
(This last one always strikes me as the most undignified.)
Thankfully, they are only here during the summer break. Otherwise they would make his life hell all year round. He just takes the abuse, smiling all the while. I guess it really is a case of no sense, no feeling. I suppose in yesteryear he would have been considered the village idiot, but we no longer have any villages. Perhaps he should more accurately be called a city idiot, maybe a neighbourhood idiot? However, neither term seems to fit.
I always feel a little guilty whenever it happens. I know that the kids’ behaviour is wrong, but I can’t bring myself to intervene, to get involved. I guess I just don’t have the courage to affect someone’s life, even in such a minor way.
This summer though, someone picked up the gauntlet. A black suited executive type, power tie and all the mover-and-shaker paraphernalia strode purposefully into the park.
OK, I’ve got some of the company “uniform” on, but nothing like this guy. Definitely fast-track, high-flyer, corporate wolf in wolf’s clothing. He looked unbelievably out of place here, it seemed he should have had wandering flunkeys and yes-men clustering around him in droves, arcanely chanting meaningless management buzzwords like “proactive” and “paradigm”. I could see him carefully doling out pearls of company career wisdom, casting down phrases before the swine, like “Work Smarter, Not Harder.” and “Less Is More.” Eagerly snapped up by ambitious up-and-comers, whose eyes are definitely on the prize.
Seeing the small tormentors assault the idiot, this newcomer unleashed a cold, corporate stare, one look and the jackals fled the park in fear. He cut such a strong, imperious figure in the bright sunlight, a paladin reborn into tres chic, designer label three-piece suit.
I was no medieval maiden to toss a dainty garland or fine silk handkerchief to her knight in shining armour. I did not have the courage to applaud him openly for his noble deeds, but within the labyrinth of my heart I admired his valour. Defeating the demons of fear and social propriety and doing what needed to be done, something I lacked the courage to do.
What brought this champion within these alien demesnes? The idiot. He approached the inanely smiling man sitting on his bench and talked earnestly and rapidly to him. I just watched, I could not hear the monologue from where I sat, and I thought it would be impolite to get closer and eavesdrop.
A change crept over the defender of justice. As his words spilled forth, his noble, upright posture drooped, crumpled; knight changing into beggar before my very eyes. He now was almost prostrated before the idiot, a humble petitioner before his king. I could hear the sobbing, I could see the tears. This monarch and subject, in this strange tableau, fixed in place like resident statues of the park. The regent put his hands upon the shoulders of the supplicant, looked deep within his eyes and embraced him warmly, inane smile never-changing.
I was touched to witness this tender moment, although I didn’t really understand it. I think I had a unique perspective – anyone else entering the park right then would just have seen two men embracing, the better dressed one crying profusely upon the other one’s shoulder.
Eventually they broke apart, the beggar became the knight once again, donning his visor; his mirrorshades and going forth back to his kingdom of steel and glass, but I still could see the tears in his eyes. I knew they were still there. He couldn’t fool me. I had seen the truth. My eyes were open.
Nor could I leave such a mystery unsolved. I just had to see what secret had changed prince to pauper. I approached the idiot carefully. He was feeding the pigeons again. I thought through what I should say and how I would say it. I was procrastinating. I am very good at it, you know.
Give yourself up to the moment. The time is now.
Taking a deep breath I asked him slowly “What happened with the other man?” His gentle eyes focussed upon me, pondering my question. The inane smile never shifted. “We went to school together. He used to tease me like those kids did. But he once was reduced to a position in which he was considered stupid and useless. He then knew the pain that such a state brings. He wished to pay the ghosts, make amends with the past. I hope he feels better now.”
No rancour spoiled his words. He really did mean it. He held nothing against his former tormentor. Another thing struck me. He was remarkably erudite for an idiot.
I just couldn’t help blinking at this.
“OK … all well and good. He does you wrong, and he feels remorse and you forgive him. But you are obviously intelligent. Why do you put up with the abuse? People think you are an idiot” (I winced inwardly, even I had done so …) “but you aren’t.”
He put his finger to his lips in a hushing motion: “Shh! It’s a secret.” He smiled broadly at this, a hint of mischief in his otherwise placid eyes. He sighed somewhat theatrically. “Well, first thing, everyone thought that to start. And another, everyone picked on me because of it. That was the main reason.”
I was pretty damned confused. “What, are you some sort of masochist? You WANTED to be picked on?”
“Yes! I could take it. While they were busy taunting me, they let off the other kids. They were spared that fate. Who knows how they would have coped, being outcast? They joined in the taunting, accepted through a common enemy; the drooling idiot.”
Something twinged within me to hear this man denigrate himself.
“But you are NOT an idiot! You were NEVER an idiot! But you’ve kept the stigma of idiocy, totally undeserved!”
He quietly made a point: “The torments thrown at me would be unfair even if I was an idiot. They shouldn’t have been done in the first place. But they wanted something to attack. They would have just found someone else to lash out at. Even if I was an idiot, it would have been wrong.”
“You are right, though. OK, I’m no rocket scientist, but I’m not an idiot. And I always knew that. I knew they were wrong. There were more of them, but majority never rules justly, only through tyranny. I knew the truth.”
He looked at me earnestly, smile gone. “You always hear how the truth will set you free. The real secret is that it keeps you free too. They tried to warp my perceptions of myself, but I saw they were lies, and lies only have power if you accept them as truths. I did not. I never truly suffered. I knew the truth, and it didn’t matter who else did, as long as I knew.”
He was right.
How had I consigned this beautiful person to a mere label, “idiot”? I apologized, he knew why and accepted it easily. There was an understanding between us, a connection.
We left it at that, I got myself back to work and marched the treadmill.
But I still go to the park at lunch, and we chat. We have to do it secretly, he says, so I always have this “patient-person-talking-to-the-moron” face on. We chat about philosophy, what’s happening in our lives and I don’t know … stuff?
We’re great friends now. It’s nice.
I see the face of the idiot every day. I raise a hand to touch it, but the mirror’s glass always gets in the way.
Comments
Good one, Caelian.
Quite lovely
Thank you – I wrote this as part of my own experiences when I was considered an idiot in my youth. People laugh now – but I also say to them “We are more than our intelligence”. For myself, I don’t mind talking to people of a low intelligence – because often those not given too much naturally WORK theirs more. While you have some astonishingly intelligent people wasting it or just failing to apply it.
Some of the most stupid acts I have witnessed have been perpetrated by supposedly “intelligent” people. IQ = Incredibly Questionable.
So, yeah. “Who’s the idiot now?” That’s the subtext of this story, mentioned at the end.
– Cailean
Really enjoyed this. Made me think of my own experiences and how quickly people judge and dismiss. Good work
I can imagine, Bacchus. I often like to write stories where people can go “Yup, been there, thought that.” Even some of my stranger works have elements of that, because they still have an element of real life in them. Even in fiction, real aspects come through – for example, realistic characters in a fantasy or science fiction setting still reflect their creator and can have their own sense of “humanity” even if not human per se.
(but that’s another story. Or stories – a recurring theme in my stories is an exploration of the human condition, sometimes through non-human participants)
If you could relate to the sense of alienation and judgement – you may be also interested in The Beast
– Cailean
This is brilliant. I was once the kid everyone picked on from 4 to 16 yrs old for looking quirky, big teeth, big glasses and extremely shy – but it was most satisfying to bump into those cruel kids as adults and think “go on look at me now”and not having to say a word because their discomfort and shame was written all over them!
So great work Cailean, I could definately relate to it, and half way through I was desperate to know more about the guy in the park! You should put this in the Twisted Tales group.
I’m glad you could relate to it – as I mentioned to Bacchus above, I like writing work where people can relate to it, as a reflection of life. It’s funny you should mention how people are going “look at me now” – I had a fellow that was one of my tormentors (although not one of the worst) and he apologized after finding me on Facebook. He’d felt really bad but I had nothing against him. I think he found that a relief, although it’s a shame he has not continued talking with me.
As to Twisted Tales, don’t they have an extremely low word limit? I don’t work well with word limits normally, unless they’re very high – I can’t do flash fiction to save my life. A story will be as long as it needs to be, long or short. But thanks for the recommendation/suggestion :)
– Cailean
nice visuals!
Thanks, although this is one of my less visual works :) If you’d like something more visual, check out Dark Desires Marked Man Galatea The Legacy Under a Twin-Moon Sky Death’s Voice or The Cage
– Cailean
Good story Cailean. It has many interesting lines and a point very made.
Thank you, Digby.
– Cailean
Wonderful work and message Cailean.;)
Thank you, dear Shan :) I’m glad you enjoyed it :)
– Cailean
Nice work!
Thank you, checkma8
– Cailean
This is beautifully written and really moving, with an effective twist on the ending that speaks to the outcast in every one of us.
True words. It’s amazing how often we can think another person is having a life of all beer and skittles and find out on some level, they may feel an outcast themselves. Imagine the reverse of “Idiot”: someone who is seen as extremely intelligent and therefore always expected to be smart, to be profound and insightful. Big shoes to fill, lots of pressure.
Any attribute, negative or positive, can make us an outcast. What does this show us? That it is our attitudes and our preconceptions that complicate life, not life itself. Life, I feel, is actually quite simple – we make it complex for ourselves. Why? Humans are masochists! Perhaps, hehe.
– Cailean
Hello, Cailean, and thanks for your comprehensive response. I often think that when people think they have understood something (or someone) when they have categorized it, they are in error. Unfortunately this ‘method’ is sometimes taught in schools and needs to be unlearned before real understanding can be achieved. I think that the writer’s task is exactly to describe the other point of view and expand the reader’s experience, which you have done very well in this story.
Thank you – I think that categorization, of any type, hides a multitude of sins. The sheer act of labelling and definition can be a trap in label and name creating function rather than merely describing it, it can be a straightjacket to thinking clearly.
I think you are definitely right about unlearning this method. Too often in society there are blacks and whites and not shades of grey. We are not the final arbiters of everything and not everything we taught is automatically correct. We must discover things for ourselves, as the protagonist in this story does. They find themselves in error and correct that mistake. Many times, people do not explore the issue (for fear of being wrong) and even if they do, they may not wish to admit their possibility of being wrong and create change within themselves. Too often are we bound, imprisoned within our own minds by our own choice!
For more on this, especially about definition, check out Shadow sometime. It is almost my rant against what people “should” be conflicting with what people actually are.
– Cailean