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This week, folks, dust off your cerebellum, grab a spot by the roaring fire of your own hypothalamus, and open your mind to the universal language of… Rawr!

by Paul McClintock

Do you believe in monsters?

Monsters absolutely exist. Have you seen any of the crazy shit that lives at the bottom of the sea? Not just disgusting blobby things with a million eyes, but even cute stuff that you wish you’d invented like Kiwa hirsut, a weird crab thing with luscious blonde fur. Seriously, nature is awesome… so much better than Lord of the Rings.

Do designs come naturally to you? Do you scribble stuff down and everything’s gold, or do you rework and rework until you’re mad?

I can’t stand to see a blank piece of paper. It must be drawn on! I spend about 27 hours a day doodling or thinking about doodling, and have done so ever since my thumbs developed enough to allow me to hold a pencil… having said that, about 95% of everything I produce is absolute junk. I use to sit in our lounge room as a small child and completely cover the carpet with a layer of scrunched up paper that people had to wade through. I also have such a horribly short attention span so that I abandon projects very quickly… so yes, anything that gets finished needs to have been almost complete within a couple of minutes of starting, otherwise I’m on to something else and it will never see the light of day.

I would not recommend this process at all. You should probably do the exact opposite of anything I do, and you’ll probably succeed. And when you do succeed please give me spare change when you see me on the street.

Where do you find inspiration?

Insomnia. My inspiration comes to me when I should be asleep, when everyone else is asleep. This causes problems when I have to leave for work at 8.30 in the morning and I’m still awake at 3am. Of course, when daytime comes around my brain refuses to recall any of the brilliant ideas it had the night before. This makes for perfect tragic irony.

What are the main messages you like to communicate when you commit your work to paper/cloth/video?

For the most part I absorb opinions from people I respect and regurgitate them in my own way, which results in something that is less poignant and/or thought provoking than the initial source. I think of it as my personal contribution to mediocrity.

Occasionally I come up with something on my own, and it usually has something to do with one or more of the following:
a) Life is absurd and pretty meaningless and awful… but fun anyway.
b) Robots kick arse… and monsters do too.
c) God doesn’t exist, but if he did he’d be agnostic (and a yeti).

What has been your favourite tshirt you’ve ever worn?

I have a new favourite shirt every six months or so. I usually wear something until it falls apart and then replace it. For the immediate future I will be wearing a Tambatoys shirt of a boy riding an armadillo. It’s yellow.

What are some random thoughts you’ve had but never vocalised, that you could vocalise for us right now?

I get more junk mail offering carpet cleaning than anything else.

Is there anything you’ve ever found supremely hilarious that nobody else has?

Religious people are so cute with their totally random beliefs. It’s like they’ve figured out a way to stay children forever with their clubhouses and in many cases, superhero costumes and secret handshakes and passwords and arbitrary rules that they all must abide by so sayeth Garlak teh Destroyer. (typo deliberate)

My favourite religious person is currently Tom Cruise, simply because he has picked the most utterly silly fantasy world you could possibly imagine. He actually thinks that Scientology will give him SUPER POWERS. It’s true!
DISCLAIMER: For those who may be offended by the above statements, please grow a sense of humour, smiley face.

If you could pick six people to rocket away to a new planet and start civilisation over again while we all die screaming, who would you pick?

Well, I wouldn’t be among them… so I guess I’d send a bunch of genetically superior jerks that I don’t get along with. They’d have to be good at farming and building robots and fighting off the wildlife of this new planet, which I’m not very good at. I’d also force them to wear lycra jumpsuits and send transmissions back to Earth so we’d have some entertainment during the end times. Meanwhile, I’d spend the rest of Earth’s existence living it up. First, I’d quit my job and go visit Nepal.

What does your future hold?

Years of menial labour, followed by my getting old, my hair receding and my mind atrophying. FUN!

Seriously though, I hope I can work creatively in some capacity. I have so many interests, if I can get paid to do any of them I think I’d be happy … this is a very subtle hint at the universe.

Previous Shirtheads

Shirtheads – Issue Zero
Shirtheads – featuring BigFatRobot
Shirtheads – featuring Chris Richards

And tune in next sunday for the next Shirtheads!

Will it be you? Only you know for sure. ;o)