Today as a whole was okay I guess. Before work, nothing out of the usual happened. I did schoolwork, practiced my cello, played my guitar, worked a little bit on a project for school and also walked down the street to get a soda. All pretty usual stuff for me.
Work went okay. Very busy and I was slightly perturbed at a complaining and somewhat lazy co-worker and was also irked by the new headset system thing that we had installed a few days before hand. But as a whole, the day at work wasn’t too bad.
A few minutes before I got off work, my brother calls me and says, “We’re on our way to pick you up.” I asked who he was with but I don’t recall his exact words but he basically said again that “they” were on “their” way to get me. So I hung up with him and called Mom. As soon as she picked up, I could tell something was wrong. Really wrong. I felt sadness in her voice like I’ve never felt before. It bothered me- a lot. I ask her if there was anything she wanted me to get for her (because I work at Wendy’s) and she said no and told me that Ed (my step grand-father) and my brother, Dave, were on their way to come get me. I asked her, “Why them?” and she simply said, “I just don’t feel like driving.” So I said, “Are you okay??” She answers yes but I barely believed her.
At that point, I’m starting to panic and so I call Dave back and ask if everyone’s okay and what’s wrong. He says that he couldn’t tell me right then and there and that we would talk about it at home. This causes more panic to rise and adrenaline to rush thru my body. I again ask if everyone’s okay, who’s at our house, why Ed’s picking me up and what the heck is wrong with everyone. He once again says that we’ll talk about it at home. He then tells me to get Ed a frosty and Mommom (my grandmother) a salad and drink. We hang up and I get the stuff. A few moments later, Ed and Dave arrive and I’m on my way home. A minute after I hopped in the car, Ed receives a phone call from someone that attends his and Mommom’s church. I only caught part of the conversation (Ed’s end, obviously) but one of the first things he said was, “Yeah, they confirmed it tonight.” and another part was, “She’s at Lydia’s house; she’s just numb.” (Lydia is my mom, BTW.)
At that point, my mind races even more. I’m going crazy thinking what could be wrong with my Mommom or worse yet, was something wrong with my new cousin, Eoin?
Well, we finally arrive home and I put the stuff down on the coffee table in the living room. To my left was my little brother, Noah, sitting on the chair and sobbing with his head tucked between his knees and arms wrapped around his legs. My mom was sitting on the floor next to the chair Noah was sitting on. My Mommom was to my right sitting on the couch with this glazed look on her eyes. I could tell she was happy to see me but something was just wrong…very wrong…
Mom took me into the dining room then said, “Come in here…” So we walk into the kitchen and Noah and Dave. Noah is standing there crying a little bit, his cries getting harder and sounding more exasperated as my Mom proceeds to tell me some really bad news…
“Tonight…we found out….that….Uncle David….is…gone….”
At that point, Noah’s crying hysterically. Mom continues on tho.
“…and we think he took his own life….”
My face starts twitching with disbelief.
“What?” I try to yell but instead it escapes my mouth with a tiny whisper. My face is trembling even more at this point and I feel a tear glide down my cheek. Mom just nods and she starts crying again and we walk into the dining room.
I try to stop my tears and proceed with my “normal” activities of unwinding after work. I took off my shoes and kept tapping my hand against a dining room chair to control myself. Upon doing so, more tears trickled down my face. I tried to control it but when Mommom saw me crying, she started to cry and then that made me cry harder. I then basically fell to my knees and hugged her as I cried. She said she was sorry that she couldn’t fix this and that she wanted to but there was nothing she could do. She also said she like to make us happy and give us good news and good things, not bad.
We hugged for a little while longer and then we stopped for a little bit. She received a phone call about more information on Uncle David. I don’t remember details; I was too busy thinking about what Mom had just told me. Too busy asking, “Why would he do this? Didn’t he think about us? How could he? Why would he? This can’t be true…he’s probably still in his apartment…probably playing Runescape or something…not dead …he’s not gone….”
We all pretty much sat there for a little bit, just in shock. Before Mommom and Ed left, we decided it would be good to pray so Dave took that up and prayed for us all. Mom and Mommom were on the couch and while praying, Mom totally lost it so I walked over to her and sat next to her and held her as we prayed. Mommom was on her other side hugging her too and we three were just sitting there, crying and holding each other.
The prayer ended and we all said goodbye. I hugged Mommom and she said, “I love you Britt.” and I said, “I love you too.”
Then they left. I sat down on the floor in front of Mom’s chair and we cried a little bit. I just kept asking myself, “WHY??”
I just don’t get it…why would he do that? Didn’t he think about us (my Mom, Mommom, Noah, Dave and I)? What really made him feel so bad that he felt that he needed to take his own life?
I also keep thinking that he can’t really be gone…this just has to be some kind of evil joke.
I can say that I will definitely be more compassionate to others who have had this happen to them in their family and I will also do my best to reach out to those who seem lonely or sad.
This is my point of view during a tragic event that recently struck my family.