The Kensho Stream


Integral linear pyjama pants philosophy interrogation
And squirm I shall.
a faded celtic tattoo
feeding off the abundant energies being poured into me via a funnel by the universe
lycra leather and spandex
I often commit flowercide
the cosmos elapses into insanity
I am riding a wave of ectoplasm
psychic border-lining psychotic moments increase in frequency
sleep deprivation aids in meditation
thoughts are manifesting
heavenly entities spurting enlightening poetry visit me in my dreams
plant your seeds of consciousness and watch them grow
brimming over with absolute love and bliss for all that ever is, for this moment
bursting my heart and seeping out of my pores
mixed in with a healthy amount of confusion?

I am a high-pressure fireman’s hose gushing out energy with incredible force and writhing about uncontrollably
pouring this love unto the universe
receiving it ten fold
wonderful and surprising and yet overwhelming and even awkward
an incredible intensity
Yes I think I am being utilised as an outlet
a cosmic outpouring of the Source
Or an inpouring depending on your point of view
I am not who I was
This new me, remembered, realised
I plan to become friends with her
If I only strike myself as fit company
Live it. Accept it. Embrace it.
Integrate… let go
Play your Divine Magic card
It is time

And thank you.


I recently dug up this stream of consciousness I wrote sometime in 2006 or 2007, after my first flash of Satori, or sudden awareness. Needless to say I rode a wave of bliss for quite sometime. This was achieved after what I now see as having been a vital step; a consciousness-changing event (experienced alongside one of my closest friends, Zahlya!) in which my self image and ego were ripped mercilessly away from me, leaving me overwhelmingly humbled as I realised the importance of this process of reducing myself to nothing…
a necessary part in my own personal process of ‘waking up’.

“Riding the Wave” has no doubt contained its crests and falls, and the above experiences could possibly be a taste of what is to come, in continuing this journey, (and what I am currently going through). If so, potentially any of this may relate to the painful process of what has been known as The Dark Night Of The Soul or in Buddhism as passing through the “Knowledges of Suffering”; a spiritual phase which creates loneliness, uncertainty and confusion created when undergoing the difficult tasks of self-analysis achieved by recognising and detaching the ego from the self… as I have discovered, the loss of the sense of self and the realisation that you are nothing can be quite horrific, but also incredibly clarifying. Eventually, this pain and all else can be embraced and one can be returned, somewhat purified, back into the unified arms of oneness and bliss.

“By entering and accepting the intense pain and emptiness that accompany this state, liberation, enlightenment, and participation in Mystical Consciousness replace the ego’s distorted clouded perceptions with clear flowing light. The anguish and suffering within the self and the world can be transformed to profound understanding and joy. "

I am still learning for myself if riding this wave is a perpetual, never-ending cycle, or if I will one day emerge through the other side as an ‘enlightened’ or awakened being. Or perhaps the state of enlightenment I have tasted will only ever be fleeting. Perhaps the harder I seek it, the more elusive it will be – the tighter my grasp, the more slippery to hold on to. I have read before that
“Enlightenment is to understand that you can never be ‘totally’ enlightened!”
It is also entirely likely that the journey is just as important (perhaps even more so) than the end result. At this moment, this seems to make the most sense, and it also directly relates to my art-making process… as well as many other parts of life.

And although studying the process is of great interest to me I am weary of getting too caught up in the experiences of others. Surely those who first achieved the Awakened State did it without having piles of books on the subject or the internet or any other reference material available, as well as a lack of Masters to instruct them or set methods.

I am highly interested in what those who have truly achieved enlightenment have to say, but I am torn between whether it is best to follow some “How To Achieve Enlightenment” instruction booklet (which I fear could fill my head with the beliefs of others and hinder finding my own truths and methods) and I etching out my own path, where no man has trodden before (ha!), and follow my own instincts, albeit perhaps dangerously. However I know I have done and will continue to reap great benefits in expanding my theological, philosophical and spiritual literature collection, as well as sharing and comparing notes on my experience with others partaking in this same journey… the collective consciousness is the most precious and powerful resource we have, after all.
Being someone who is about finding the balance, whether that has anything to do with me being a Libran or not, (just another label/self illusion!) maybe I will be able to find a way to combine it all. I am constantly being torn between one thing and the other it seems, and in this particular case I think it is important to be capable of being open-minded without being too impressionable; to be skeptical without being cynical, etc…

It is likely that the above stream appears as mostly gibberish and meaningless to most people apart from myself, but I want to share it anyway. Reading over these following words is a personal reminder of a state that exists, and for me has existed, and it can be implicitly accessed at any time, which is so important to be reminded of in times of darkness.

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A stream of consciousness written after a “kensho” experience (or sudden awakening), followed by an account of my thoughts and ideas relating to my path to discovering my true nature, aka ‘enlightenment’.
If you are interested in reading more of my writings, please take a look at ‘part two’ here: Retro Magnolias

Tags

path, zen, journey, awakening, profound, enlightenment, taoism, gibberish, satori, psychoanalysis, stream of consciousness, self discovery, the dark night, kensho

Fine artist, graphic artist, musician, model, seamstress, sculptor, photographer, bookworm, chef, linguist, philosopher, dreamer, dancer, student, teacher, inquisitor, flower-sniffer, animal-lover, star-gazer, shoe-gazer, social hermit, enthusiastic pessimist melancholy optimist, inter-dimensional explorer- an intelligently naive, lucidly vague jungle woman drunk on soberism who dwells high on a mountain in the belly of the rain forest… (and does a whole lot of nothing.)

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Comments

  • RosaCobos
    RosaCobosabout 4 years ago

    I have read much…
    and heard much.
    Each reading awakanes a yearning.
    And is like the light to the moth.
    Me being the moth..and others the artificial light.
    For these insect do not bother for the sun.
    So there is a prespective here..
    I feel moved by your words…specially on that about The Dark Night Of The Soul.
    I beleive that there is inside a continous luring darkness….painful and attractive.
    I beleive that you do not need more books or comments about it..
    except for the re-assuring that this is something that should happen to any of us.
    It is like Grace..
    This concept has been coigned by the Catholic Church..
    we are saved…by Grace..and where does it come from?
    I prefer the Taoism….we are what it is and nothing else.
    No matter egoes, high or low, deleted or hidden.
    We are..That.
    We are…Whole.
    And well..the less we do…the more we make.
    And so…luring about stating out of the common consciousness.
    is something everysoul would love to get…
    or…
    not?
    If you have experienced this state…good to tell it..but be sure that what you are telling us…me, is not the real experience and that our brain loves the interpretation.
    It is the same with the famous “Light Tunnel” one see, on those near death experiences…
    I do not beleive in them and I beleive in all..can you fancy that?. Yes…death cannot be close..never..it is or it is not. Life is not half way..it is or it isnot…at the end…they are just..states..and from there..the Cosmos is playing with its hug imagination, and mistaking our hearts and minds with labels, books and words…..but we are like that.
    A guess..that an state like that cannot be told…narrated…but I am really happy to hear and see and feel how you have got it!!!!
    Thanks a lot for your sharing.
    I will be keeping a track on you…
    For I know that saying that beauty is contagious.
    A hug!
    Rosa

  • Bonnie Aungle
    Bonnie Aungleabout 4 years ago

    Thank you Rosa…
    I am also highly interested in the Tao… it seems to reflect and correlate with many of the core ideas and philosophies of Zen. That is one thing that is so great about Zen, it is not necessarily monotheistic like most religions are, and it can be supplemented and/or enhanced by any number of other Schools of Thought.
    And in being a student of my own school of thought, (utilising Zen mostly, amongst many others,) I have discovered paradox after contradiction; dualities within unities, etc… but getting too caught up in all that, (in relation to what you have said about “mistaking our hearts with labels, books and words…etc”,) is paramount to studying the language of the truth being described instead of realising the actual truth itself… or as I have heard it eloquently described before, “it’s like pointing at the finger that is pointing at the moon.” I think this is also very similar also to your metaphor about the moths and artificial light and the sun. So yes I can definitely relate to what you are saying, I think.
    Despite what I said, I don’t think I will ever stop reading and collecting books on these subjects; there have been some books in particular which have acted like keys unlocking new doors in my consciousness, and helped me to break through barriers, and therefore been hugely beneficial in my journey… and failure to acknowledge the absolute vitalness of the Collective Consciousness, not only as a personal resource, but as perhaps the most important catalyst for the evolution of humanity as a whole, would be unfortunate to say the least. Sometimes I read ideas in books, which resonate within me, in that I have been through almost the exact same thought processes before, but perhaps previously been unable to express the idea in such a clear and concise manner.
    I also relate when you say “if you have experienced this state…good to tell it..but be sure that what you are telling us…me, is not the real experience and that our brain loves the interpretation… a state like that cannot be told…narrated…”
    It is hugely important that knowing and understanding something by reading it in a book and directly experiencing it are two entirely different things.
    And while “the Cosmos is playing with it’s huge imagination” (as you describe it), it is vital to recognise the illusion most of us live in day by day, and the stories we act out (including the narrators inside our heads) is just that – story. But as deluded as the ego can sometimes be, yes, it is still a part of us, an a necessary one. Each experience we have is just as valid as the next… there is no good/bad/evil/just… it just IS. As we are all One Consciousness – the Universe experiencing itself subjectively. And indeed, the duality in this battle between our “smaller self” and “higher self” are both ultimately part of our Whole, the Oneness.
    Your reply has inspired me to make a few minor additions to my above writing too, (as our thoughts and ideas are constantly changing and expanding from one day to the next) and I thank you for taking the time to read my words, and to write such a wonderful, deep and detailed response.
    In fact I think I might add another piece of writing of my more recent thoughts on the subect and perhaps include another stream of consciousness… so thank you again so much for your own thoughts, words of support and open dialogue, and especially your encouragement and inspiration!
    Peace,
    Bonnie

  • RosaCobos
    RosaCobosabout 4 years ago

    Thanks to you….
    Your youth is so refreshing.
    Your beauty and art splendid.
    Your intelligence is outstanding.
    Your sensibility is beyond the normal rule.
    I am really gald to have met you. I would love to know what your “master books” have been.
    It is interesting to see how along our lives different books and writers, thinkers, have been pushing our souls to some place that it is really more a pathway than a place. Your interaction makes me smile with gratitude. It is had to meet souls with such a penetrating insight. Do not care about age…not matter for me. I have visited your “realm of art” and will go into it by little steps. So much to see and contemplate. !! Please…do feel free to dialogue when you feel like it. I think I am not going to travel much this days….(I mean geographically)
    Meanwhile..
    Keep on rocking!….it makes de world go round.
    A hug.
    Rosa

  • Thank you Rosa for your kind and lovely words. Sorry for the delayed response.
    There have been so many books that have touched me or connected with me on a deep level, but if I had to narrow it down, I would say there are 2 books in particular that truly cracked me open and shifted my consciousness in major ways.
    They are- “The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are” by Alan Watts, and “The Illuminatus! Trilogy: The Eye in the Pyramid, The Golden Apple, Leviathan” (3 books in one)
    by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson.
    The second one is actually an amazing work of science fiction, but has shaken up my whole perspective on the world, for the better, like no other book.
    I actually have several books by both Alan Watts and Robert Anton Wilson, they are definitely my favourites. Simply amazing.
    I would love to know about your master books in as well.
    I am also having fun cruising through your dimension/universe via your amazing art.
    Thank you again for the interaction, I am also grateful :) it is indeed a special and vital thing to correspond with those who speak the same language.
    Salute!

    – Bonnie Aungle

  • RosaCobos
    RosaCobosabout 4 years ago

    Hi dear Bonnie….
    Well..at least we are coinciding in something like a master book.
    Yes….it is one of my master ones.
    I have read practically of Aan Watt’s, book..including his memories, that is a fantastic one.You see…I am much older..and my books are appearing like layers of knowledge.
    My very first impression came when I read the “Steppenwolf” of Herman Hesse, and though I did not have the English standar that I have now..I read it in English!! and beleive me..it was a whole revolution in my soul..since then..my pursuit started. In my teens I was given The Prophet of Kalhil Gibran…and I turned it into a sort of Sacred Book..I still keep it..also in English with a lovely dedicatory of some American girlfriend. I would say that Gibran, Herman Hesse, Alan Watts, are a sort of triunvirate that are guiding my soul along my years.
    And of course…The Tao-Te-King. with the Wilhem Reich traduction from the chinese to the German and his wonderful prologue that islike another book apart from that in which the essence of Taoism is fully explained…It is magical.
    Well….I cannot tell about how many books have made me feel spiritual aroused. You see I love, truly love Somerset Maughan…I have read “On the Razor’s Edge”, uncountable times.
    Each one the more vibrant. Does is satisfy your curiosity?
    There are more..but surely I can´t tell you all…
    I am so glad with your correspondence….thank you Bonnie…
    we will talk some more..for sure.
    A hug.
    Rosa

  • Dartagnan
    Dartagnanover 3 years ago

    I was fascinated from first verse of this written splendor to the very last word, outstanding creation.

  • I’m so glad you enjoyed it Dartagnan :)

    – Bonnie Aungle

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