Integral linear pyjama pants philosophy interrogation
And squirm I shall.
a faded celtic tattoo
feeding off the abundant energies being poured into me via a funnel by the universe
lycra leather and spandex
I often commit flowercide
the cosmos elapses into insanity
I am riding a wave of ectoplasm
psychic border-lining psychotic moments increase in frequency
sleep deprivation aids in meditation
thoughts are manifesting
heavenly entities spurting enlightening poetry visit me in my dreams
plant your seeds of consciousness and watch them grow
brimming over with absolute love and bliss for all that ever is, for this moment
bursting my heart and seeping out of my pores
mixed in with a healthy amount of confusion?
I am a high-pressure fireman’s hose gushing out energy with incredible force and writhing about uncontrollably
pouring this love unto the universe
receiving it ten fold
wonderful and surprising and yet overwhelming and even awkward
an incredible intensity
Yes I think I am being utilised as an outlet
a cosmic outpouring of the Source
Or an inpouring depending on your point of view
I am not who I was
This new me, remembered, realised
I plan to become friends with her
If I only strike myself as fit company
Live it. Accept it. Embrace it.
Integrate… let go
Play your Divine Magic card
It is time
And thank you.
I recently dug up this stream of consciousness I wrote sometime in 2006 or 2007, after my first flash of Satori, or sudden awareness. Needless to say I rode a wave of bliss for quite sometime. This was achieved after what I now see as having been a vital step; a consciousness-changing event (experienced alongside one of my closest friends, Zahlya!) in which my self image and ego were ripped mercilessly away from me, leaving me overwhelmingly humbled as I realised the importance of this process of reducing myself to nothing…
a necessary part in my own personal process of ‘waking up’.
“Riding the Wave” has no doubt contained its crests and falls, and the above experiences could possibly be a taste of what is to come, in continuing this journey, (and what I am currently going through). If so, potentially any of this may relate to the painful process of what has been known as The Dark Night Of The Soul or in Buddhism as passing through the “Knowledges of Suffering”; a spiritual phase which creates loneliness, uncertainty and confusion created when undergoing the difficult tasks of self-analysis achieved by recognising and detaching the ego from the self… as I have discovered, the loss of the sense of self and the realisation that you are nothing can be quite horrific, but also incredibly clarifying. Eventually, this pain and all else can be embraced and one can be returned, somewhat purified, back into the unified arms of oneness and bliss.
“By entering and accepting the intense pain and emptiness that accompany this state, liberation, enlightenment, and participation in Mystical Consciousness replace the ego’s distorted clouded perceptions with clear flowing light. The anguish and suffering within the self and the world can be transformed to profound understanding and joy. "
I am still learning for myself if riding this wave is a perpetual, never-ending cycle, or if I will one day emerge through the other side as an ‘enlightened’ or awakened being. Or perhaps the state of enlightenment I have tasted will only ever be fleeting. Perhaps the harder I seek it, the more elusive it will be – the tighter my grasp, the more slippery to hold on to. I have read before that
“Enlightenment is to understand that you can never be ‘totally’ enlightened!”
It is also entirely likely that the journey is just as important (perhaps even more so) than the end result. At this moment, this seems to make the most sense, and it also directly relates to my art-making process… as well as many other parts of life.
And although studying the process is of great interest to me I am weary of getting too caught up in the experiences of others. Surely those who first achieved the Awakened State did it without having piles of books on the subject or the internet or any other reference material available, as well as a lack of Masters to instruct them or set methods.
I am highly interested in what those who have truly achieved enlightenment have to say, but I am torn between whether it is best to follow some “How To Achieve Enlightenment” instruction booklet (which I fear could fill my head with the beliefs of others and hinder finding my own truths and methods) and I etching out my own path, where no man has trodden before (ha!), and follow my own instincts, albeit perhaps dangerously. However I know I have done and will continue to reap great benefits in expanding my theological, philosophical and spiritual literature collection, as well as sharing and comparing notes on my experience with others partaking in this same journey… the collective consciousness is the most precious and powerful resource we have, after all.
Being someone who is about finding the balance, whether that has anything to do with me being a Libran or not, (just another label/self illusion!) maybe I will be able to find a way to combine it all. I am constantly being torn between one thing and the other it seems, and in this particular case I think it is important to be capable of being open-minded without being too impressionable; to be skeptical without being cynical, etc…
It is likely that the above stream appears as mostly gibberish and meaningless to most people apart from myself, but I want to share it anyway. Reading over these following words is a personal reminder of a state that exists, and for me has existed, and it can be implicitly accessed at any time, which is so important to be reminded of in times of darkness.
A stream of consciousness written after a “kensho” experience (or sudden awakening), followed by an account of my thoughts and ideas relating to my path to discovering my true nature, aka ‘enlightenment’.
If you are interested in reading more of my writings, please take a look at ‘part two’ here: Retro Magnolias