THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A FLAMING BALL OF PHLEGM.

Its all started in the year 89 BC where all flaming balls of phlegm originated. It was a while before that holy dude was born and people were snorting into bowls and selling their phlegm on 89 BC eBay©. This became a huge hit just like the previous 100 BC Pokemon© and people began to think of new ways to sell their huge balls. Of phlegm that is.

They made their balls ( phlegm balls, not, you know… ) bigger and some made them smaller. Some dyed their balls different colors. Green and red was famous for Christmas even though Christmas was not even fathomed yet because that holy dude hadn’t made it. ( You know… J-dogg ) The orange balls were ever so popular for the non-existent Halloween, and Easter balls also were useless.

Then one day. A man by the name of Billy , accidentally left his balls a little too close to the fire ( Again, might I remind you that I mean his phlegm balls here ) and it became a flaming ball of phlegm! And for some reason, maybe it was because the holy dude was born that night. This flaming ball of phlegm could talk!

So this ball wandered the streets ( because it could somehow walk too. I mean. Talk but not walk? That would make the ‘talk the talk, but not walk the walk’ phrase unimportant! ). The ball wandered the streets looking for other balls to come and play their ball games inside their ball house and have a ball of a time! ( hehehe. BAD PUNS!!! )

Now we bring you to attention. My interview with this extraordinary ball of phlegm.

Jesse : So how long have you been a ball of phlegm?

Phlegm : Mmmm M Mmmm m Hmmm Hmmmm M mmmmm.

Jesse : I see. Can you speak English?

Phlegm : What? Oh yeah. I had some mashed potatoes in my mouth.

Jesse : Where is this mouth.

Phlegm : Here.

Jesse : OK. So how long have you been phlegm?

Phlegm : Since I can remember.

Jesse : Interesting. Does you ever go out?

Phlegm : Nice English there Jesse ( Sarcastically ). Yes. In fact every morning I have to bathe in fire. Let me tell you. It’s hard to find a hotel that will let a talking flaming ball of phlegm into their rooms and provide a fire bath in the morning.

Jesse : There are some?

Phlegm : Yes. 296 in this state alone.

Jesse : Well our time is up.

Phlegm : Good. ( Eats Jesse ). That’s some good human.

Phlegm had some tough times too. When he went to clown college, clowns kept spraying water at him. Phlegm had to run away to not cry in front of them. Phlegm’s parents also left him at a very young age. Around the year of his 45th birthday. They threw him out of a carriage window in the woods. He stayed with Robin Hood until Tinkerbell came and brought him to Never-Never Land. He stayed there until he accidentally burnt Peter Pan’s whole tree fort down and joined sides with Captain Hook. He then dated Cinderella and burned her evil step sisters.

Phlegm is also known as Eminem, Brittany Spears, George Bush, Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Anna Nichole Smith, and “Whoa! Look at the size of the huge freaking ball of phlegm! And it’s on fire! Ah! It can talk! RUN!”.

Phlegm is currently planning to open a software company called “Nicrosoft” where all his operating systems that he makes crashes every 5 minutes and drivers, games, and hardware cannot be installed. He may plan to make it download a virus every 3 days but he’s not sure about that.

Well this was the life and times of a flaming ball of phlegm.

I’m Chad Youbetcha saying. Goodnight.