Nestled in folds of fabric
Curtains of cotton and silk
That will protect me from the world
I am piling on costume after costume
Curled up and twisted
In my closet filled with grief
My rage, stifled
Briefly pops and fizzles
Then congeals at the top
A fragile skin on my soul
Keeps them away, holds them off
My closet
Is always there
In my room, in my heart
Folding in and crying out
I open my lips to scream
And nothing escapes my mouth
But a near silent whimper
A pathetic excuse for a sound
I can’t stop biting my nails
I can’t stop doing a lot of things to myself
And everyone else as well
I am folding and folding and
Folding the sheets
With the stains from your cum
The stains from the way you used to ‘love’ me
And the stains from my blood
Stains: I am covered in stains and scars
I am draped in discolored skin
And bones that ache when I breathe
I am almost clear
You can see light pass through me
And when I let you catch a glimpse
You keep it, in that net
And then on your little album
you pin it
I dont wanna show you everything
I don’t want it flipped around
And shown back to me
I’m selfish and I want to keep it
But it would be impossible
To keep my secrets
And keep you
So I choose my secrets
My secrets and my memories
My fears and insecurities
And everyone says
That they want wings
So they can fly far way
From all the things
That make them cry
But I want fins
I don’t want to fly
I want to swim
I want to jump into my fish tank
I want to be like the goldfish
With no memory, always surprised
In a constant state
Of peace of primitive mind
I want to be interested
Every time I see that little fake rock
I want the water to shield my ears
From the ticks of my clocks
That only remind me of the time
The amount of time since you were here
How long it has been
Since I was supposed to quit caring
How long it will be until I finally do
You say “I’m good for other people…
“…but I’m bad for me.”
Well here I am, behind the drowning plastic diver
I’m screaming through my gills
Can’t you see?
Change the air pump
I am dying behind this glass
In the long run I still love you
I still lose you
I’ll end up all the same
I want to tear these pages apart
I want to scream and shout
And pound my fists into a brick wall
I want to take my pain
Into my arms
Then hold it so tight
I crush its bones
And everyone says
That they want wings
So they can fly far way
From all the things
That make them cry
But I want fins
I don’t want to fly
I want to swim
Fins
This was a poem I wrote this while I was in high school, i hope its not too terrible.
Lys •, 8 months ago
speechless.