Taken from my book...
These are excerpts from my book “Dead Day”
It follows the internal journey of discovering a way out of abuse, anger, frustration, and mostly “death”.
So often, we waste away what we could have by staying where we should not, out of fear for not finding anything better.
I am living proof that there is life after abuse.
There is life after cancer.
There is life after rape.
You can do it,
And if you already have…take time to pat yourself on the back.
It’s better on the other side!
Taken from my book... belongs to the following groups:
Compassion, Courage & Friendship, Everyday Life, Live, Love, Dream: May you have a Blessed Christmas Season and Stillness Speaks **Max 2 uploads per day** {{No NUDES, ABSTRACT, CANDIDS or ACTION IMAGES}}Through my eyes;
Resolved to sorrow.
Committed to life.
Wanting to be wanted.
Wantind to be free.
So sorry to be flawed;
Been trying not to be.
I want to believe you hear me.
Do you see me?
Will my stay go unnoticed?
Will I fade into the soil like I’d never been at all?
I just want to touch you.
Can you feel it?
But I can’t seem to reach you…
My whispered secrets and all my obsessions:
Inspired by your deceptions.
They are all shadows of living with you.
Would you believe I tried?
Would you hold me if I cried?
Would it matter any way?
Could I stay,
Just one more day?
Who is it I keep talking to…
Is it me?
Is it you?
I stole glances of the lives that moved around me.
I watched and waited for the sun to set.
The phone didn’t ring, but I didn’t mind.
By candle light, I redeemed my soul.
I cried the tears that only the lonely know.
I sang the songs that only the broken understand.
I cradled my hollow heart until it healed.
When it was done, I knew my name again.
Stunned and shallow, I learned how to move again.
Maybe I smoked way too much, but I was thinking too much to notice.
“You’re already dead” said the voice in my head.
“You’re alredy gone and don’t know it”
“You keep coming back ‘cause you just won’t let go.”
The echoes keep echoing.
That fan keeps on rattling.
Same song keeps playing again and again.
I’m going insane.
“But why are you here?” Asked the voice that’s in there.
So I pondered on that for a few.
“Let it go, let it be, it’s all done”
Time keeps ticking.
That train keeps on clicking.
No one here sees me ore cares.
Am I already dead?
Is this all in my head?
Where did the people all go?
I went for a walk on the day that I died.
Then I sat and I thought,
Maybe I cried.
Yet I felt such relief from the depths deep in side.
Found a willow tree weeping.
The waterfalls sleeping.
I did all of this on the day that I died.
I may never be pretty enough for you to call your own.
But I know my worth.
I’m content to be myself and like myself.
Holding the ocean of tears deep inside.
Now that I know who I am,
One you may never see.
Doesn’t matter any more,
I see above you, around you and far far beyond you.
It only hurts for an hour or two.
Watch intently as my life is flushed away.
Reach deep now,
Find strength.
Look right back when you should be looking away.
Strut, even when your fist connects with the bone of my cheek.
All of this is real,
I’m watching as I scream so hard I can’t hear a sound.
I am standing in a way that I can actually feel my soul letting go.
It doesn’t scare me any more.
I have found safety and solice.
I find it easier to breathe a little more every day.
Something new to embrace.
Something beautiful to look at.
Even if all I did was smile at myself in the mirror, I find something to be thankful for.
So,
Do you see yourself in these pages?
Do my words echo in the hallways of your mind?
Do they whisper memories?
But it’s not about you.
It’s not about me.
It’s about life.
Living.
Loving.
Being.
If you could fly….
Would you join me up here?
I’ve been reaching for you for so long now,
My arms are much stronger then they were before.
Jaybe
I can’t believe there aren’t any comments on here – I’m in tears!! I can sooo relate to this. Thankyou for emptying your head and putting it on paper – I’d like to read your book someday…and I applaud you.
Spiritinme
please , grab onto my hand, and let’s fly..I love to fly—AWAY
hugs xoxo
fordman
Wow i dont know what to say except a very heartfelt beautiful, & i know this was not easy for you to write !! & one day we will meet, under happier circumstances.