"Lucky Strike"
A bittersweet mini-tale to be told without taking a breath or gathering one’s composure..
"Lucky Strike" belongs to the following groups:
All Things Poetic, Artistic, Philosophical, Masterpieces: Literary Workshop, Short stories - Spherical Scriptings and WMGshe lit her match and studied the clock five hours had passed
no quicker than the years that had left her chained to the walls
of her past the shed door shut the light sighed and then went
away leaving her alone with him her tattered doll couldn’t
save her now the bitter tear spilled from her chin and then she
lit her Lucky Strike as the clock struck shattering the silence of
her mind again she saw him coming from behind ashes fell
onto the floor and her gaze fell upon the speeding cars outside
frozen she stood smelling the thick smoke curl around her brain
she smelled his sweat and remembered the red button that fell
from her doll when he pushed her down black pools of rain spill
onto the ground she cries her eyes a canvas of sweet sorrow run
she wants to say to the little girl who died that day dragging her feet
over the ashes smearing them into the floor the clock ticks reminding
her that she is alone watching the child as she picks up the red
button and then her doll the girl sees her and for a moment there is
calm she takes a step and then walks out of the shed and disappears
the years fade away as the day grows into night she opens the door
and steps out into the bleeding rain the pain spilling down washing
her clean headlights come to greet her she runs through the fields
in her mind far away from the shed that stole her life clutching the red
button she laughs jumping over the flowers with the broken stems she
sees the road home steps into the highway and didn’t hear the horn
of the semi approaching there she stood silently in the road and smiled
finally letting go of the red button because for the first time in her life
she was free
Inspiration: LisaG
Lisa Jewell
The way you’ve told this; I did not take a breath, and I don’t think I would have wanted to….for a pause might have meant to miss a part.
Brave, raw writing that is the very best, despite its subject matter….which makes the maternal in me want to get up and change things, make them better. Yet, there is relief in the end….free.
Well written, Brave, Beautiful Brigitta.
XOX
Birgitta
Thanks again, Lisa, for making me want to write again. ;)
Wendy Slee
Wow Birgitta, this really smacked the breath out of me! What amazing writing, so raw and honest and deeply moving. I agree with everything that LisaG said….. it did make me want to come out fighting to try and make things right for children who go through such experiences or at least help them to heal.
Your gift for expression is overwhelming….. this story unleashes a lot of ghosts to haunt the reader…....ghosts that remain long after you close the screen…..
a sure sign of incredibly powerful writing….
Birgitta replied
Well, I wanted it to reach out & suck the reader in involuntarily-
ya know? I believe we’ve all got a wounded child in us somewhere..
and no matter how much we comfort it..it still cries from time to time.
(This story was my tears.)
Thanks so much for leaving your thoughts, Wendy.
And again, you too Lisa. :)
Marion Cullen
Powerful, confronting and incredibly courageous.
Birg, you are incredible.
natapee
wow i’m speechless and breathless. incredible.
natapee
and yes quite the bittersweet symphony that tale is.
Birgitta
Marion & Natapee…thanks so much for taking the time to read this!
It means a lot to me. :)
debb
Speechless -heavy heart – tears – bittersweet tale – beautiful Birgitta – God Bless
debb
When reading the above – I mean your beautiful – so talented
snafu
Captures those “momentd in time” beautifully.
Top notch expression… Thankyou
LittleHelen
An amazing piece of writing lovely lady :)
xo
John Arkleton
Bloody brilliant.
Cheri McEachin
WOW!!!
Paul Tupman
Wow, you certainly do have a talent for expressing yourself in new ways Birgitta.. this is very original writing with so much depth and personal emotion in it. A joy to read something new from you.
elisab
Your art always leaves me in a state! You have done another great job.
Birgitta
You guys, thanks so much for taking the time to read this, and leaving
your comments too. I wrote this after reading “Slip” by LisaG. I was so
moved that I had to grab my pen & pour out what I was feeling. Thanks
again you all. :) I appreciate you.
Lori Peters
This is such a well written piece. The sadnes is so profound but we can all relate on some level. Great work!!!!
markgb
This is amazing. Brilliant. So sad, at the end I was shocked yet relieved for her.
I loved the way you rhymed at certain points throughout and I like the fact that there is no break in the writting (periods to end a sentence) it makes it seem manic, like the characters thoughts must have been. Briliant.
Birgitta
Mark, I’m glad you picked up on the rhyming. It was so subtle (yet intentional)
that I wondered if anyone would catch that. You’re sharp! :) And yes, manic-y/
confused/desperate, etc. is what I wanted the reader to feel..or at least relate to.
Thanks so much for taking the time to check this out & sharing your thoughts &
feelings on it. :)
Jessica Tremp
a fantastic piece of writing
Birgitta
Why thank you Ms. Jessica. :)
VelvetGirl
ouch. it’s outstanding.
Rex Inkpen
phew, what an amazing maelstrom of words and emotions…