Army wants you.
The problem is the same as always. We live in a world of limited resources, over which many nation states compete. With plummeting recruitment rates for traditional military roles, a new breed of warrior was required. This vexing problem was solved by Lt Gen Winston Pants in the late 1980s.
Inspired by a robust game of Hungry Hungry Hippos, General Pants saw the way to victory was not by confronting your enemies directly, but by starving them of little white balls. Victory by over-consumption. The future of warfare was born.
Recruitment and training was implemented in Operation “Popular Culture”. New recruits were powerless to resist the psychological onlaught of a powerful cocktail of marketing and entertainment. Somewhat suprisingly, many people eagerly embrace their new roles and demonstrate spectacular acts of unsustainable appetite on a daily basis. Now, in 2007, legions of shock troops consume at an exponetially increasing rate, thus ensuring ultimate victory will be accomplished within the next few decades.