A mere two days ago, I was at a premiere so obscure to my Australian eyes that I basically needed the assistance of friends, bystanders, wikipedia, imdb, wireimage and a seance for every single person passing by my lens. That premiere was for Run for your Wife . Today, however, it was “A Good Day to Die Hard”. And wouldn’t you know it… there was even an Australian in attendance!
Here’s how it went down..
Wheelclamp THAT, municipal inspectors of the City of London. It’s a premiere, and they’ve moved in military grade hardware. Or maybe balsa wood replica models – I can’t really tell the difference.
“Hey, wasn’t this guy in the second Die Hard film??”
“Actually, I think he was in all of them…”
About two half hours later, I have my spot, things are set up, the rocknroll music is pumping and it looks like (a) it’s about to start (b) to rain. And, no, the connection between the fifth Die Hard film and women on motorbikes dressed in leather/pvc has not yet been established. But I say go with it until proven otherwise.
She’s the advance unit for a motorbike escort for a large urban SUV belonging to the event’s sponsor. I’m not a fan of this kind of thing – not the women on bikes, that I’m more than fine with. But a luxury car company sponsoring a premiere for a movie that’s not about luxury cars? I’d rather they turned up in a Taco Bell van.
“You watched Flight of the Phoenix? You and four others. And Dennis Quaid’s Mom” The sponsored SUV (Mazda? Nissan? Tata?) has dispensed three not-Bruce-Willises associated with the film – two actors and director John Moore.
“My doctor advises that chewing on these things releases toxins into my bloodstream that are slightly less dangerous than smoking. So I decided to take this up”
“Care to Tango?”
“Yes I would”
John Moore also directed Owen Wilson in one of his rare dramatic roles : Behind Enemy lines. That and Zoolander, which everybody knows is based on fact.
“You’ve never heard of ‘Packed to the Rafters’? That’s hilarious!” Australia’s own Jai Courtney was not merely a lead in the TV series ‘Packed to the Rafters’, but was also in some episodes of ‘All Saints’. In contrast to most of the people at yesterday’s premiere, I at least have heard of them, if not him.
“So I says ’that’s not a knife, THIS is a knife’. Okay, fine, that was somebody else…. and it was actually a garden rake. But you get my point”
“I don’t care. Bioware has ONE more chance to make a DLC to properly end Mass Effect 3 and it would be nice if they didn’t create some obscenely commercialised piece of 5hit. Unlike the other DLCs, which were… well.. all commercialised pieces of 5hit. I guess I’m saying : a boy can dream, right?” . Right you are, sir.
Germany’s Sebastian Koch has not been in any moves that I’ve seen, but the movie ‘Unknown’ with Liam Neeson is currently on my Pile Of Unwatched DVDs, behind Ong Bak, The Horde and Little Miss Sunshine. And, genuinely, also John Moore’s “Flight of the Phoenix”. Can’t wait for a rainy weekend.
“So is this weather usual?”. Sebastian Koch makes a fair point. The Bureau of Meteorology forecast 1hr of rain earlier in the day, then reversed it to say there’d be no rain from noon til midnight. Needless to say, it rained nonstop for three hours.
Thinks about grabbing another one of those xylene based pens to sustain the habit.
“Do I object to Germans being the bad guys in so many Hollywood films? Firstly – no, it pays quite well. Secondly – no, because I play a Russian”
“Wait.. did John Moore graze on this thing?”
“With all these umbrellas and your country’s experience with this kind of weather, I would have thought I’d be more dry.” I don’t care if the bureau of meteorology is using supercomputers or chicken entrails to forecast weather. It’s clearly not working so they might as well try the one they’re NOT currently using.
Bruce Willis has arrived, late but triumphant, to his own premiere. For the first two hundred frames, this was as about as good as I got. But that’s great news for his ear surgeon if he ever needs to reconstruct the right one – I’ve got tons of shots of it!
One of the producers explains how, when director John Moore decided an 82 day shoot for a car chase was required, the studio didn’t send out a hitman to take him down. And that he wants his local tattoo parlour to make a face tattoo just like the shadow falling on his face.
Jai Courtney is also better known for being in the recent series ‘Spartacus’. Based on the photos I saw some autograph hunters/dealers holding, I’m thinking they might have been surprised to see him wearing a suit to this premiere.
Just found out that her boyfriend lied about this being a night out to watch Les Miserables. Tough break. Hope your relationship survives the fallout.
“Right. I’m here with Bruce Willis and I’m going to ask him the question on everyone’s mind. When the hell are we going to see a sequel to The Fifth Element? Plenty of more substances in the periodic table, Bruce”
“I watched the film this afternoon. I laughed, I cried, I spilled some popcorn. And, twenty five minutes in I realised I was watching Zero Dark Thirty and had to go into the other cinema”
Then, all of a sudden, Bruce Willis, the man, the myth, the hair, was heading in my direction. He and Jason Statham are my two biggest unhirsuited heroes.
Then, in lieu of signing autographs, Bruce (I mean “Mr Willis”) elected to stand and regard his fans. And at some length. Great for photography, and it sure was quite the sight, but it did feel rather odd. I… think I might owe him five dollars?
Not my flash, but somebody’s. Or maybe Bruce Willis’ ego generates its own bioluminescence? I kid because I love.
“Thanks guys. Please watch the movie. Or alternatively just transfer money straight into my bank account via Direct Debit. Peace!”
“Stop. I wanna watch this trailer. Is this for Les Mis? Shit – that looks awesome! Oh, that’s MY film. That looks great too!”
“Premier wuz Awzome, LOLZ. CU soon”. I assume that’s how kids text these days. She’s arguably right, though. This one was fun. Rain notwithstanding.
Indeed, it was time to head home, waterlogged, reheat some leftovers and Live The Hollywood Dream. I’m single by the way 8)
And needless to say it joins The Archive of Movie Premieres which I’m sure must be getting close to 200 entries? I’ll have to do a count.
Until next time, if you could all find a meteorologist and back them into a corner and make them explain how they can keep their jobs when their short-range forecasting is about as rubbish as their long-range forecasting, and whether it’s evidence of man’s hubris that they’re even trying. It’s not about the science – it’s about the fact that you’re too damn wrong, too damn often, to ascribe any kind of science to your efforts specifically. Alternatively, give me their email addresses.
Until next time!