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Joined July 2007

Bernd Talasch doesn’t remember being hatched in a research laboratory in Omaha in the late 1950s so maybe that never happened....

Twilight : Breaking Dawn pt2 – RPatz! TLautz! KStewz!

If it seems like only yesterday that I was at a premiere at Leciester Square that’s because it was. And if it seems like I, a fully grown male human biped, has already been to a Twilight Breaking Dawn premiere that’s because about a year ago I was

And though some people had been camping out since Sunday, and the 400 First Entry wristbands went to people who’d been camping out since at latest Tuesday evening, and I had nothing but a full day of work to get through, I headed down to Leicester Square with a a sense of optimism, as I’d already decided that if it was all retardedly stupid, I’d turn around and go home and clean my apartment for an inspection tomorrow.

Here’s how it went down (and why my apartment is still somewhat of a pigsty)

Three hours to go, and I had my spot. It was the only spot available – a roadway behind a thoroughfare right outside the Haagen Dasz shop probably about 30 meters and three barriers away from the stage. If we weren’t cleared out in some kind of OH&S purge of the outskirts of Leicester Square, this could be quite promising. Civilised, even. (in answer to the obvious question, yes, I have a zoom lens and 16megapixels on a DSLR gives a lot of scope for cropping!)

I had a monopod and a wide angle lens with me, but dared I to even hope that I might have enough elevation to use the 70-200mm? (I guess I should have been spending more time hyperventilating at the thought of RPatz and Tlautz showing up)

Oh, now THAT’S a good idea. Buy a burger at Burger King, and nurse it for 2.5hrs at a window seat! Brilliant!

Half an hour later : the greatest betrayal since… Rupert Sanders (? Mass Effect 3’s ending, at any rate) has just gone down at Burger King. I might be exaggerating slightly…. but farq. That’s some pretty low behaviour by a Burger they call King.

The sun, it sets. The trailer, it plays. The gargantuan crowd starts screaming now and then just to get in some practice. Meanwhile, Security are starting to eye the crowd in our section, and it actually looks (briefly, horribly) like we might be dispersed for not being in an official pen. I’d fight that with every fibre of my being. Because, I’ve always felt it would add to my rakish charm to have a low-level police record. Though being arrested for failure to vacate a Twilight premiere is now really how I want that record to read…

Ten minutes to go, and Life finds a Way.

Yaaaaaayyyyy!!!!! Justice prevails and I don’t care how crap this premiere might turn out, I was witness to something beautiful, and the greatest popular uprising since the felling of the Berlin Wall destroys The King’s callous divide.

Meanwhile, this is not annoying at all. Webcam on a 42 inch Sony Vaio, is it?

And, in a gap behind the main wall leading to the stage, it begins. There is some screaming. At least I think there is. I’m fairly deafened by this stage.

“I swear if I hear the word ‘reboot’ in any context from any reporter, I’m punching them”. The three majors arrive. Unless you’re a fan of Ashley Greene or Michael Sheen or that Kellan Lutz dude, I suppose…

“Yeah, I thought the suit and tie was MUCH classier than the open suit jacket with black t-shirt underneath. Thanks for noticing!!”

“I’m gonna stare ahead into the camera like this until somebody agrees with me that there’s no way James Bond could have survived that in Skyfall. I know it’s off-franchise, but it means a lot to me, you know?” RPatz, KStewz and TLautz have dispersed to different segments of the crowd to mingle, sign, or dispense blessings or whatever.

Reporter : “So… The Hunger Games. What’s your view on that franchise?”. No? Really? I thought they were pretty great books, actually.

They be fans. And there’s little chance they be camping out for tomorrow’s “Rise of the Guardians” premiere as well.

Me : “Alternatively, ma’am, why not use your device to stream the premiere live and get an even better view?”

“OMG that screen icon is frikkin awesome. Wait… I think I’ve got a Big Bird one saved on MY phone. No… I’m sure everybody is happy to wait while I do this..”

OMG he’s walking right for me. Is this the part where I can shoot and argue Self Defense?

This may come as a surprise, but I’m not enough of a Twilight fan to recognise the secondary cast. (But I believe she wore red at the prior Twilight Breaking Dawn premiere…)

Can’t wait to get home and tell his wife and kids about his exciting day at work…

“Spotted woodpecker? No problem” TLautz gets interviewed on the stage, and may have been asked to make woodland sound effects.

“Susan? I think I’ve lost my voice. Can you scream for me?”

KStewz hits the main stage! I think we made a connection. My name’s Bernd, by the way

True confession? it’s not so much photography as it is mathematics. 7 frames per second means that it only takes 57 seconds to take about 400 photos. (though the damn buffer means that’s closer to about 115 seconds). Remove the autofocus failures (15%) and the ones where KStew is looking at the interviewer (60%) or hidden behind the cameraman (15%) and the rest is…. okay.

There’s a comment to be put here, but testament to my lack of sleep at this hour, it eludes me.

In among a lot of shots of Kristen Stewart intently listening to the next excruciatingly detailed question, she paused. And I watched.

We made another connection! Sigh. If only I had a business card legible under natural sunlight that I could hand her…. . (I’m still happily single) (well… single)

I’m trying hard not to be a DSLR snob here. Because, like, to get to this spot these people had to CAMP OUT and not shower for at least 24 hours. (So basically I’m a hygiene snob)

Barely remembers Cedric Diggory (RIP), and is probably jetlagged enough to be hazy on why he had to fly 8 hours to get to a country that speaks the same language as the one he just left.

Bill Condon directed x number of Twilight films, where ‘x’ = one more visit to imdb than I’m willing to make right now, at 1:15am, still editing through these.

If you’re going to point your telezooms past just one random red carpet celeb at this premiere, why not make it this one?

Britain’s own Jamie Campbell-Bower is, along with RPatz, an alumni of both Harry Potter and Twilight franchises. And that scarf? I want.

The stars are slowly heading in. My view, while having been pretty amazing under the circumstances, does not give me a view of KStew being photographed by the three or four tiers of paparazzi assembled nearby. But the flashes remind me of those videos of anti-aircraft artillery footage from the first Gulf War.

Looks uncertain as to the situation of whether you’re allowed to show up at your own premiere without a movie ticket and getting into the cinema.

It appears to be all over, but the main screens are showing a photo of the Empire Cinema, including the balcony…. interesting. Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for a girlfriend with shoulder strength sufficient to carry me, my camera and possibly one or two additional lenses at premieres.

“I know you’re all thinking ’he’s just up here recreating that scene from Evita because he got his hands to the keys to the balcony’ but that’s only partially true’.

The director claimed that he realised that the success of the Twilight franchise was in part due to the amazing cast, and he invited three of the cast out to the balcony. They were the three Brtish ones. Clever….

And then the Main Three joined them. “So… uh. Any of y’all watched ‘On The Road’, cause I’m totally in that” And I wish them nothing but the best in their post-Twilight movie careers. But I’m probably going to stop short of watching Taylor Lautner in last year’s “Abduction”.

“Hi Guys. I’ve been told to say ‘will the owner of the red falcon please return to their vehicle, or otherwise it’ll be towed’. Beyond that, thanks everyone for showing up”

So… that was, surprisingly, against all the odds, that. There were other celebs, including Olympians and people from boy and girl groups and X-Factor. But.. really? No thanks.

Needless to say, it goes front and centre in the Archive of Movie Premieres

And it will find a natural spot right next to the Breaking Dawn Part 1 Premiere from last year.

As for whether I’m actually thinking of watching the movie? HA!

Until next time!

Journal Comments

  • Mel Brackstone