Joined July 2007

Bernd Talasch doesn’t remember being hatched in a research laboratory in Omaha in the late 1950s so maybe that never happened....

The Dictator Premiere - General Admiral Aleed of Wadiya!

By way of background, I liked Ali G and thought Borat was excellent. However, Bruno left me somewhat cold (and that not because I’m Austrian!). The Bruno premiere was fun, though

But according to paid advertisements festooned on the front and back page of today’s Metro, this film is meant to be funny. Well, if nothing else I had hopes for the premiere…

I’m reasonably sure there’s almost no chance of any religious or geopolitical groups finding this movie offensive… and more than that I’m sure it’s perfectly safe to go to the premiere : nobody’s seen the film yet? Right?

If nothing else, this premiere was smaller than yesterday’s Johnny Depp / Tim Burton Dark Shadows premiere, which Depp and Burton both attended. Which is weird, for a premiere attended by a(n alleged) head of state!

His Royal Excellency General Aladeen arrives, in a wheel-clamped Lamborghini on the back of a truck, driven behind a stretch metallic humvee carrying his ‘security’ entourage. I’ll be honest, it was the sultry pout of his security attendant inside the Lambo that I was even more impressed by. (That and the general’s gold-plated handguns).

“How are you enjoying the fine Wadiyan music we playing? By default I have executive producer credit on all songs exalting my awesomeness, which is all of them”. Well, the beard may be false, but if even a tenth of the medals on his jacket are for real military feats, this man is clearly someone to be reckoned with.

His Royal Greatness poses with his 90% female security detail. Not sure why they call him sexist : how many armed forces could claim such a percentage? (Speaking of percentages, he claims proudly that the 10% female literacy rate in this country should be down to 1% within the next decade..)

“There are no sculptures of me allowed in Wadiya, so every town plaza contains a lookalike who poses like this for eight hours every day. You should all try it”

As amazing as his Imperial Exaltedness is, I have arbitrarily decided that I should work on documenting the outstandingness of his Wadiyan security forces. (Because if I don’t, who will??)

When travelling, his excellency prefers hijacking random taxis, staying in Hilton hotels; liberating fluffy hotel bathrobes, and wearing purple felt shoes. I prefer Bed’n’Breakfasts myself….

“Look if all you’re going to ask me is about my security guards, this is going to be a very long and excruciatingly detailed interview. Please… continue…”

The Dictator / Sasha Baron Cohen (who?) apparently keeps a mistress in the UK – Aussie actress Isla Fischer who I should have remembered as having had a vocal role opposite Johnny Depp in “Rango” without having to check on imdb first…

“Barbara, you are still my favourite…. but please shave your legs”

The General signs autographs, fatwas and decrees that are unlikely to be recognised by the United Nations for adoring fans. Meanwhile, I may possibly continue to be distracted by the incredible pout of the lamborghini-accompanying security lady on his right.

“You wish me to make this out to ‘John’? Bah… you shall be called ‘infidel’ like everyone else…” Not that I’m looking at Aladeen, mind you.

“You want me to sign and authorise this deathmark on your grandmother? Sure. You want torture and human rights abuses with that?”

Aladeen pulls a golden gun on (former?) Harrods owner Mohamed Al-Fayed. Al-Fayed seemed to mind only a little. Still… nice to see the General is willing to get his hands dirty in front of the media in a foreign country. He did claim to be friends with Rupert Murdoch…

This is the back of the head of Actress Anna Faris, who stars in this movie, as well as providing a voice for ‘Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs’ which I watched in German and thus didn’t get to hear her perform in. Sadly, Megan Fox (who plays herself in The Dictator) did not attend the premiere

“I was in Lost in Translation? Get Out Of Here!!” ’tis true.

“It’s slightly less fake than General Aladeen’s” My first thought was : dude, is Billy Bob Thornton homeless these days?

“After he wrote the script, Sasha and I tossed a coin to see who would act and who would direct” Director Larry Charles also directed Cohen’s prior films Borat and Bruno, and also executive or supervising(ly) produced 24 episodes of Entourage, 48 episodes of Mad About you, and 66 episodes of Seinfeld. But the beard…? That thing’s got its own agent.

Weirdly unexpected candid shot of people in the upper floor of the cinema looking down upon us commoners. Your decadent days are numbered, if The General is right.

She was at the Bob Hoskins-less premiere of <somethig> <something> Odds about two weeks ago. Can’t rememer her name or the film’s. Well… kind of a lot has happened since then.

Plays a nuclear scientist in the film. I’ll leave it to you to figure out whether it’s the dude on the left or right based on racial profiling…

Plays a personal attendant to General Aladeen in the film. I heard something about a scene he was in that I’m hoping wasn’t filmed for real. Or shown. Or is never mentioned in any context again.

“Remember : Capitalism Sucks, Death to the West, and don’t touch my Lamborghini”

Well… it was quieter and less disappointing than Dark Shadows . That’s something. Next week…. I believe there are two large premieres, which is excellent and/or means considerable sleep deprivation and over-crowding. But it’s all fuel for the archive of movie premieres

Until next time!

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