klokken
I wrote this piece for a zine in the US. The aim was to write your life story in only a few hundred words, and it was surprising for me to see which of my experiences flowed out of my pen.
klokken belongs to the following groups:
Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, Travel and Adventure and WMGI have….....
Held a decapitated human head in my hands, sliced neatly in half, and marvelled at the astounding beauty contained within. Always played with words, my childhood ambition to be ‘an authoress’ thwarted by my perfectionism on my first day of school, returning home to sob “I’ve had a whole day of classes, and I still can’t read and write yet!” Run away from home as a teenager, far away, to a land on the other side of the world where they drank black cherry beer and spoke in a hybrid of Flemish and French that charmed my ears and warmed my soul. Watched the most beautiful sunset of my life in the New Mexico desert, a fireball of burnt amber and scarlet trailing ribbons across the sky. Spent three years of my life locked away in my house, unable to reach even the mailbox without panic making me choke and flee back inside. Recited prayers in Irish, Old Norse and Russian at my altar as winter storms shook the windowpanes and made the candle flames dance, feeling blissfully at peace, and at home. Strutted through the streets of Berlin, tattoos spilling out of the sleeves of my fifties starlet dress, drunk on martinis and the knowledge that my world was unlocked again. Discovered the agonizing pain of breaking a lover’s heart, and felt strangely grateful, years later, to experience the grief of a lover breaking mine. Had conversations in Dutch, French, German and English in the Gare Central in Brussels, all within fifteen minutes, and upon realising this achievement almost tripped over in wonder and pride. Raised a whip over my shoulder and let fly on the tender flesh of a manacled slave on my journey as a dominatrix. Finally, blessedly, come up from underground and found my way back to the land of cherry beer, and nestled deep in my 400 year old blood red room high above the cobblestones, listened to the bells of the medieval Sablon church ring the hours in and thought, yes, this will do.
I have not…...
Lived in Russia, published a novel, given birth, bought a drumkit, gone skydiving, become a German translator, or learned to walk in six inch heels.
Yet.
© bellmusker 2006
Anne van Alkemade
Oh wow, what an amazing life you are leading.
Good luck with the ‘have nots’.
;o)
If you figure out the secret to the six inch heels, let me know!!!
mawaho
You’ve led a fascinating life. Publishing a novel should be next on the agenda.
Popular Mr
glup…...human head?
bellmusker
Not quite as sinister as it sounds! It was in the anatomy lab as part of my university degree – we were given the chance to inspect the ‘wet specimens’, and I was utterly fascinated at being able to literally see inside someone’s head. It was a profoundly moving experience for me, and I’m still grateful for the opportunity. Sheer magic.
Feel better now?!
David Spencer
Schoen, viel gluck!
Lisa Jewell
You are an inspiration :))) It was such a pleasure meeting you on Sunday….
Lisa
davoid
Hi Rain. It was nice to meet you on Sunday. You looked like an interesting person and from what I read above even more so.
My mum was Irish and my dad is Welsh, so I would love to hear you speak in Gaelic. Maybe at the next meet.
bellmusker
Thanks so much – it was such a wonderful opportunity to meet so many fellow bubblers. I’m really looking forward to the next get-together. As for speaking Gaelic, well, my two years of lessons have resulted in me being able to insult people, and order a pint of Guinness; and not much else! Such an amazing, but amazingly difficult language.
Lisa, the inspiration worked both ways!! Looking forward to our next meeting.
transmute
Hi Rain, great to meet you on Sunday. I like these fascinating fragments of life you’ve woven together here.
Jessica Tremp
Ein Leben ohne Schmerz ist ein ungelebtes Leben, das soll nicht heissen dass es ein einfaches Leben sein soll…wir streben alle nach etwas besonderem und unbekanntem. Viel Glueck fuer alles das noch kommen wird…was wonderful meeting you on Sunday, albeit briefly…
Dani Di Cesare
Intriguing…
Damian
What a wonderful piece of writing! Made me think I need to get out more…
I particularly liked this idea “and felt strangely grateful, years later, to experience the grief of a lover breaking mine.” Sounds odd, but I know what you mean.
bellmusker
Damian, I wondered whether that would speak to anyone…...you seem to know what I mean. It’s one thing to cause the one you love extraordinary pain, and feel you’ll never recover from the guilt. And then someone causes you to fracture, and you go underground, and you realise….that it doesn’t destroy you. And you, in turn, haven’t necessarily destroyed the one you fractured.
And you actually have a reason to reach for the whiskey and blues CDs and speak in monosyllables, for once!
At least, that’s part of the meaning behind that line for me. Not sure if that’s why it resonated with you, but thanks for the lovely comments.
Simon Mears
OMG this is the first piece of poetry i have read for years.. (apart from lyrics of my favourite songwriters which is different but kind of similar).. this is just great
Jennifer Vickers
Now this has been a well lived life… amazing too.
bellmusker
With 2007 about to shut its door, I can happily strike one item off my ‘have not’ list:
I can now strut through the streets of Melbourne in cherry red stilettos, and not even stumble. Sums up my emergence from this confronting and cleansing year. And feels pretty damn good.
Pagly2
2008 will see you list of ‘have nots’ go down…....and rise up again as you experience more….
there are many more hills for you to climb…Bon Voyage on your ‘journey’ through life….....Enjoy each and every one of them….......and Thank you for Being…....
Sara Hooker
loved this piece of writing.
greenbeards
would make a good case for a life worth livin’
Soxy Fleming
But Bell it sounds like you are easily capable of mastering all those things listed at the end and more. I am amazed by the way all of life seems to be a blessing for you. Your pain was at breaking someone elses heart and yet you were grateful to have your own broken. Even the three years locked in the house , you don’t make sound bad. I think you have wisdom to share
bellmusker replied
Ah, the glorious things are the easiest to write about, but the dark ones are threaded through my life to a wretched extent, believe me. The piece that’s the most personal for me is ‘poison & sunlit fur’, and it’s here that I tried to open the door on the demons of my twenties. But I always fear that I won’t be able to shut it again – and sometimes I can’t – so I prefer to count my blessings now. I’m done writing about hell…..no-one needs to read that.
I do wonder where you’ll turn next, Soxy! It’s like a little treasure hunt, finding your messages, hehe.
markgb
This is absolutely one of my fav’s of yours.
What a wonderful life you’ve led so far. Im jealous, especially the human head, the New Mexico sunset and bells of the medieval Sablon church ringing in the hours.
But I’VE bought a drumkit…four in fact! :~) (big farkin deal right)
bellmusker replied
Thanks Mark! It’s the bells that I long for most…sitting at that window with my pen raised, listening to them ring out from the fourteenth century church at the end of my cobblestoned street….it’s actually what my user name bellmusker is based on: the bells, and the Flemish slang for girl, maskker. So there you go….
bellmusker replied
Oh, I’m coveting your drumkits!! I want, I want, I want…..
Caroline Gorka
What a life…what a woman …no wonder you write as you do..
bellmusker replied
Aw, thank you so much….that’s so wonderful to hear :)
markgb
And I’m coveting a picture of that church at the end of that cobblestone street. It is you. it is the image I have of what I’ve learned of you so far. Dark, Mysterious, Glorious, Intriguing!
bellmusker replied
Ask and you shall receive….sometimes ;)
This is the church at the end of my street, facing a park where I would often sit and write, drinking black cherry beer.
And this is my beloved little cobblestone street, wending its way up the hill of the Sablon in Brussels. This street was first mentioned in city maps in the 1100s, so can you imagine the stories in its stones? Believe me, I tried….
markgb
Ask and you shall recieve…even more!
Love the pictures! thank you! Looks amazing.
We don’t have anything even close over here.
(and I’m assuming that is you!)
markgb
markgb
It dam didn’t work.
Holly Ringland
bell, every time i find a gem of yours that i haven’t read before, i don’t understand how i missed it in the first place. your writing actually takes my breath away, sharply, i suck it in and don’t realised i’ve stopped breathing until i finish the last delicious word and exhale.
stupidland
to wake in that red room would have been unbelievable!
bellmusker replied
Oh, it was extraordinary all right….imagine it with the medieval church bells floating in the window each morn.
I wrote this piece about sitting in that room, spying on people in the alleyway below, and it’s about to be printed in “The City” book. But when I went back to the Candlestick Street house last month, they’d painted my blood red walls cream. It’s true really…you can never truly go back.
Sigh.
Leith O'Malley
I have
Got to get that novel Bellmuster publishes one day.
Leith O'Malley
“You should never post on Red Bubble when you’re drunk”
I forgot that one.
Bellmuster?
..oops…
bellmusker replied
Does that explain Bellzibub? You know that’s my favourite!
Mel Brackstone
Wow, how can you have fitted all this in when you’re so young!!!!!!
Evie3
You know what’s really beautiful about you? Your ability to open the door for pain and joy and give them both an equal welcome. Can’t have been easy. But you’re making me look at things differently and giving me some good belly laughs too :))) Thank you!! Or should I say, Go raibh mile maith agat (don’t worry, I am Irish and I still can’t speak it properly!)
bellmusker replied
Evie, this is such a gorgeously candid comment, such a delight to read! It really means a lot to me…..it took me thirty years to learn how to embrace the cycles of darkness with those of light, and my life has never been richer. I’m so, so, so happy to think that comes across in my writing :-) As for your thanks, let me try a language that hasn’t come out of my fingertips for far too long: tá fáilte romhat. And thank you!
Evie3
Hey, an mhaith ar fad!!! You even used fada’s!! Your hopeful words mean alot to me – I’m going through a bit of a cycle myself at the moment (I think I must have put on a full wash!) so it’s really encouraging to meet a kindred spirit along the way, sticking up a few road signs :))