my second skin
When he contacts me, no matter how long it’s been, I feel my hisses forming. I feel myself weave back and forth, that coiled dance that starts at the bottom of the spine and never quite finishes.
I know you won’t believe this, but I’m still not sure whether to strike.
my second skin belongs to the following groups:
A New Aesthetic.... Divine and Otherwise , Melbourne & Victoria, Short stories - Spherical Scriptings and WMGI think the skin sang to me.
It could’ve been the rain, but I can’t be sure. I hid in the doorway and watched as the drops hit the pavement, as they broke into rivulets against the shop window. To this day I can’t say exactly what the shop sold, but it smelled like ginger and looked like hell, so I pushed the door open. The walls were painted scarlet, hung with ebony ribbons that fluttered against the cornices as I shoved the door closed, and in such a small place the colours were oppressive, pushing against my skin and making me feel smaller and hotter than I needed to.
I ran my finger along the first shelf and it came up with a coat of dust, studded with tiny bodies of beetles and strands of hair from ghosts of customers past. There weren’t many goods on the shelves but they told more stories than my pen ever could; a mortar and pestle made from richly glowing mahogany, a set of scales with weights made from tiny jade elephants with lifted trunks, a bracelet formed from a fork, its burnished tines made to curl around a slender wrist.
The skin was in a corner, and I almost missed it. I say almost but really, it was waiting for me and wouldn’t have let me leave unknowing. The snake would have been young when it was shed, would’ve known only a few summers of long grass and warm sun, and it was so perfect I heard the sigh leave my mouth as my hand reached out. The fingers even trembled, but I pretended not to notice.
It was so delicate I was afraid to pick it up, but it’d weathered more storms than me. We’re all stronger than we want to know, and those of us with wild hearts and dark eyes shed more skins that we knew to count. I imagined my skin stretched on this shelf in the red walled room, in the palm of a hand, and wondered what form my renewal would take.
My scales would be ruby and gold. They would weave in diamond patterns down the thread of my spine, spilling colour onto the delicate bones beneath. They would glow in the twilight and catch dust motes that hung in the air. My skin would be shed in tiny steps, and if some ripped the scales and left delicate scars in their place, well, I would raise my head high and wear them as proof of my battles.
But this skin with its delicate strength was singing to me below the beat of the rain and the footsteps of the city, a song that urged me to pick it up and place it in my hand, my pocket, my heart.
I paid my gold coins and stepped into the sharp winter air, into the city dance that threw me left, right and off centre, far from where I needed to be. I walked with one hand in my pocket, one finger on the head of the snakeskin, tenderly stroking the frayed edges of a creature bound to live in cycles where darkness was as constant as light, and both were embraced.
If it ever crushes, my heart won’t leap or stumble. I’ll bend down to its beauty, open my mouth, and breathe new life into its gossamer strands.
I am the queen of regeneration, and I wear my skin well.
© bellmusker 2009
gretchen .
amen. xox
bellmusker replied
Thank you for understanding x
Mel Brackstone
My scales would be ruby and gold.
I can just see them!
bellmusker replied
If my writing can speak to your brilliant photographer’s eye, Mel, then I’m delighted!
Holly Ringland
yes, yes you do beautiful woman. fuck i love you. and fuck i love these strands and diamond cells of words, knitting together skins and skeins of regenerative strands and story. i love the wisdom your venom is laced with whether you strike or not… and the nourishment it provides to your muse and imagination. any night that calls for a red wine trip in flannel pj pants always excites me, because i know that at the end of the fusion within the walls of your magic flat await words that to read feel like slipping into an armour of lions, but light as a feather and so very strong and tender. i love this bell. i love it.
bellmusker replied
Hehe, I know, I always reach out to you when I’m locked in the flat in my smalls, furiously scribbling away – “watch out Tommy, here it comes!” But it wasn’t so much flannel pj’s (love your writer’s embellisment, hehe) but a Guns & Roses T-shirt and yoga pants, covered by my red Iceland coat as I braved Melbourne’s winter for the lure of pinot noir. And this came out… it began by spitting venom, but my fingers calmed as the light shone on my scales, and the wisdom won out in the end. Don’t let me forget that next time he comes calling, ok? I love you deeply x x x
BiographyofRed8
this is wonderfully written, very visual, it reminds me though of how the snake is the symbol of feminine energy, that which is powerful the ability to start again through the life-death-rebirth cycles, this reminded me of that. it takes so much strength to regenerate, the pain of re-birth, but i love how you write your intent to breathe new life!!
bellmusker replied
Red, thank you so much for reading into this every single thing I tried to say! That makes me so damn happy :-)
Paul Compton
Wow. I’ve always noticed the amount of emphasis on colour and atmosphere in your work bell and in this particular one it has reached a new level of intensity and richness. A work about strength and rejuvenation beautifully and evocatively written. Incredible.
bellmusker replied
Thanks so much Paul; it’s a rare piece indeed where I don’t weave words of colour or scent, they enrich my world so much. Regeneration as a theme is quite constant in my writing, and something I focus on to a huge extent in my daily life….as we all do, really, in our own special way, don’t you think? x
Jan Timmons
Your words moved me. I will read again tomorrow. Then again on Monday.
bellmusker replied
Jan, what a lovely thing to write…..thank you so much.
natapee
I love the themes that run through your work. Brilliant, as always. Especially the last line I am the queen of regeneration, and I wear my skin well x
bellmusker replied
I’m still learning, Nat, but it’s becoming a much better fit these days x
Pip Gerard
such an empowering and positively affirming story. I feel stronger from just reading it.
bellmusker replied
Pip, that’s truly one of the best comments I could hope to read….and very much appreciated :-)
DeviousLili
(exhaling)
Wow.
bellmusker replied
X
Lisa Jewell
You certainly wear your skin well…...I always sit to attention when I read your work…..I’m never hunched over….
I hear your bell chime.
A wonderful piece, full of sublime imagery xxx
bellmusker replied
I’m never hunched over
Ah, maybe that’s just because I’m so strict about posture :P Thank you darling, to have my bells heard by you is a pure pleasure x x x
roybarry
Sigh…..............
bellmusker replied
Lovely to have you pop your head in, dear friend.
roybarry
Always such a pleasure to see the world as you see it.x
Soxy Fleming
clever you, you have found your way
bellmusker replied
Oh, your comment made me clap my hands and beam….for you know, I think I have. Thank you!
Soxy Fleming
well done!
Sorina Williams
very visual, beautiful to watch..
bellmusker replied
Thank you, I appreciate that.
ArcadiaTempest
I could hear your voice…..sublime and clear. When you can hear the words you know it is something very very special. Wonderous :)) X
bellmusker replied
Thanks so much….every writer hopes for that, so it means a lot to me. Much appreciated! x
Pip Gerard
On the subject of your muse… Have you seen the movie ? Can’t wait to watch it…waiting for delivery. looks incredible. (I just love good doco’s)
bellmusker replied
Oh my god! Oh my god....there’s a doco of her?! My computer blocked the trailer in your link but the page is enough to whet my appetite and get my fingers frantically googling. The Gits have meant so much to me for years, I adore her voice and the passion in that woman, and those surrounding her. Thanks so much for the heads up, Pip…..I’m all aflutter now!
Pip Gerard
cheapest version I found was on ebay. You can get one from the US for around $25 Aussie dollars incl. postage.
Pip Gerard
I’ve heard them before and have known her to be quite the queen of the punk scene. But after reading your wonderful story and listening to the song again I must admit it’s made me do a lot of research into the woman and quite a woman she is!! So strong.. so true and so talented. Almost like she gave women strength through her strength (much like yourself). So very sad the way she died and at only 27!! I really think I’m going to be inspired by her story. Look forward to comparing notes with you after watching it.
bellmusker replied
Oh that’s just about made my damn day…..to think that someone actually followed my link and listened to the magic of The Gits (though that version is somewhat lacking, unfortunately), and actually thought to research the brilliance that is Mia Zapata, makes me sigh a huge contented sigh of joy and release, whether they knew her before or not. Losing her was devastating to the punk world in particular, but also to the world in large, for she was such a vibrant spirit with the soul of a warrior.
She wasn’t the inspiration for this, but as I started to write of snakeskins, she came to my mind and I dug out my Gits CDs. If anyone knew about resilience and backbone, it was her. Your comparison is utterly exhilarating to me…..thank you, Pip. Now I’m off to look for the DVD!
Pip Gerard
It was hearing her voice that affected me and made me want to hear more. So thank you for pointing me in that direction.
She has a special and soul affecting voice and mixed with those lyrics makes for something really special. And to think they were a big part of the Seattle scene that changed the music world forever. (the ones I love are Alice in Chains, Mudhoney, Pearl Jam, Nirvana) Can you imagine where The Gitts would’ve ended up had that monster not taken Mia!!
Just finished reading people’s reviews on the doco and I must say I’m even more eager to watch it now.
kiya
When I read this, a thought occurred of how we all shapeshift when we want a decent change. Beautifully written.
bellmusker replied
Thank you Kiya…..shapeshifting is a wrench for the heart but in the end, it’s often exactly what we need, hey?
oneperfectkiss
You certainly wear your skin very well Bell. xxx
bellmusker replied
Thank you sweetheart; it’s taken me years, but it fits like a glove these days x
Leith O'Malley
There’s no denying the girl is back..
and what wonderful scales and tales there are to come..
SSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssss….......
PS. Can’t wait for that Gits movie myself :)
bellmusker replied
Tales of scales are my speciality…...and the fact you’re a Gits fan makes me beam indeed :-)
PJ Ryan
beautiful strength in this piece .. my snakeskin experiences relate to it well…
and this
We’re all stronger than we want to know, and those of us with wild hearts and dark eyes shed more skins that we knew to count
yes. so true. x
bellmusker replied
I know you see what I meant….sometimes it’s a curse to be aware of your strength, because then it means you actually have to use it….and isn’t that a pain? :-) Thanks, love x
charliethetramp
a wonderfull flowing narrative belle
as we coil away thro a journey of shape shifting regenerative qualities
i just love your writting it so rich and evocative
of place feelings and movement
you have a talent for sure
bellmusker replied
Such a lovely thing to say….how you’ve made me smile this morning :-)
Karen Tillotson
Brillliant! You have exceptional talent…I have discovered your beautiful writing quite by accident. But if I believe what I say to others…there are no accidents. =)
bellmusker replied
Karen, you just made me blush…...I’m so pleased you enjoyed this.
Ushna Sardar
excellent bell!
bellmusker replied
Thanks Ushna, I’m glad you like this :-)
Priya ...
Did you know a snake stops eating and often hides in a safe place before shedding?
Apparently the skin dries the eyes cloud over. As the skin sheds the eyes clear up and the snake emerges out of its old skin showing the new skin underneath.
You probably know this already. But I just wanted you to know how apt your analogy is. Shedding is a terrible process, but worth it in the end, no?
bellmusker replied
Priya, I didn’t know that before shedding, snakes stop eating and hide, but it makes perfect sense – and yes, I do the same thing.
If there were one constant theme in my writing, it’s regeneration, pagan wench that I am. The shedding of skin is never a painless process, but if we know how, we wear the new skin with pride, and treat the old one with respect. And those cycles of light and dark fascinate me.
Damn, I’m longing for a snake as a pet! :-)