tabula rasa
Some ghosts just won’t be exorcised.
tabula rasa belongs to the following groups:
Blue Room, Lesbian and Bi-Women's Art, Melbourne & Victoria, The Sensual Word, The Word Tree and WMGI don’t remember you
I don’t remember the way you slept
With your index finger tangled
In the curl above your left ear
At all
I don’t remember how
You fed me whiskey and jelly beans
When my first rejection letter
Was fed to the flames
Or that sultry weekend
We lay in the grass and sang
Every Smiths song we knew
To the lightning and bats above
I have no memory
Of the ink dark bruises
Your fingertips left willingly
On the heat of my thighs
Or how you looked
With green eyes and slow smile
From down there
On my knees
I don’t remember you at all
The apology you stammered
When caught with my diary
Open in your hand
Or your panicked grip
On the inside of my arm
Even though we both knew
I’d already flown
And I really don’t recall
That you smelled of clove cigarettes
Mixed with pear skin
And guilt.
I don’t remember you at all
I can’t even recall
Your name.
© bellmusker 2009
Lisa Jewell
Some people in our life can not be forgotten….I have come to accept that.
“I don’t remember you at all
The apology you stammered
When I caught you with my diary
Open in your hand”
I suspect that image will be very hard to wipe….
I love the rawness of this poem…xxx
bellmusker replied
I’ll forgive many sins, as you know, but that….that….thanks for your words, sweetheart. x
Mel Brackstone
ouch!
bellmusker replied
sigh I know, Mel…I know.
Lisa Jewell
Oh I don’t think the sins should be forgotten…...I meant that such an experience….will and can’t be forgotten….it can move to other places but it will remain…..
I’m sorry if I’m not making much sense my darling…..xxx
Leith O'Malley
My favourite verse is easily:
“Or that sultry weekend
We lay in the grass and sang
Every Smiths song we knew
To the lightning and bats above”
That’s because I know them all myself :)
- Leith
(Keats and Yeats are on your side
while Wilde is on mine)
bellmusker replied
Leith, you don’t know what you’ve just done! You’ve made me dig out my Smiths albums, pour the merlot, and now prepare to drive my neighbours crazy with as I feast on their sublime lyrics.
I dreamt about you last night
And I fell out of bed twice
Once you start dipping into their songs, you just can’t stop; as I found out that stormy weekend in the grass. But once I think of that, it brings these lyrics to mind:
Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
when I said
I’d like to smash every tooth
In your head
Ah Morrissey…a lyric for every cowboy :-)
Leith O'Malley
Funny, I was on a bus to an out of town exhibition only yesterday and had my old tshirt on!
I have two old LP record covers standing up on a shelf in my studio all the time. One is Hatful of Hollow and the other is Andy Warhol by Velvet Underground.
Hmmmmm, yes, one can never be too far from Moz and the boys.. glad to see (although not surprised) your taste in literature mimics your fine taste in music Bellbottoms :)
Ash180470
Ahhh The Smiths …....
I don’t remember either …..
Ax
bellmusker replied
I know; I’m on a Smiths nostalgia trip now because of this piece! Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before…..
BiographyofRed8
For me, it was never the Smiths, it was the Jesus and Mary Chain. And some things can never be forgiven..
bellmusker replied
Oh, now I recall a time when ‘barbed wire kisses’ never came off my stereo….ok, that’s it, my plans for the night are now officially cancelled. Time to dig out the records!
“Kill surf city” and “psycho candy” just rocked my teenage world….love the road this piece is now taking me down.
BiographyofRed8
my favourite was always “happy when it rains”: we lived our lives in black
Lolo Lost
Love it.
bellmusker replied
Thank you kindly….I’m a sight to behold when nostalgia gets the better of me.
yt sumner
oh, that dark ache in the lonely…good thing for pride, eh? ;)
bellmusker replied
Ah Cricket, I’m still waiting for that ache to dull. Much better to turn to wrath, hey? x
María González
So Sad and Wonderful…love this!
bellmusker replied
Thanks Blue….our relationship was both sad and wonderful…but aren’t they all? :-)
Digby
Wonderful writing.
bellmusker replied
Cheers Digby; always appreciate your comments!
Steve Strodder...
I wish it was that easy for me…great work bell
bellmusker replied
It’s never easy, sweetheart….it’s been three years and I still jump when someone says his name. Thanks for the comment :-)
ShadowDancer
I think sometimes a persons soul leaves a mark on our soul where they used to be.. it doesn’t wash away or wipe off, it lingers there with the scents and sounds that echo again and again.. and again…. so beautiful your writing is, bellmusker.
bellmusker replied
Ah, thank you, I appreciate that. Unfortunately this man didn’t just leave a mark, he left deep bruises. And he’d probably be pleased to know that. Well, at least I’ve learned something…I hope!
berndt2
Wow – really well done. Destruction and deconstruction in equal measure!
bellmusker replied
Thanks Berndt! Sipped any coconut beer in Holland lately? :-)
TheWanderingBoo
beautiful writing…such raw emotion…
bellmusker replied
Thank you so much…what can we do but write about these things, hey?
Delphine de Noire
Oh what emotions you conjure up… Beautiful…
Mx
bellmusker replied
Thank you, Medusa…..unfortunately, some of the emotions I conjure up with this man are less than beneficial. sigh But at least the ink still flows, hey?
Delphine de Noire
Would you have it any other way?... Pleasure and Pain is the Poets gain… ;-)
Mx
Steve Strodder...
yeah…i hate how im only 16 and i have to drag around the factt that i loved her and she fucked me over…
no problem for the comment, i love your work it’s always a pleasure :)
mstrace
bell…you conjurer. you wicked creature, you conjurer. i don’t know how you do it but your words always have such power over me, us, all of us. I can see him…the one who still has his poisonous barbed wire wrapped around your heart. let’s tabula rosa the unworthy ones, shall we?
bellmusker replied
let’s tabula rosa the unworthy ones, shall we?
Hell yeah sweetheart, that’s just what we need. Only…......how?
ps welcome home to the bubble! x x
Jessica Tremp
oh darling x
bellmusker replied
I know, Liebchen….I know x
lazydaze
very emotional..well written…ghosts never go away !!! but life is also full of nice suprises…if u look :))
bellmusker replied
You’re so right; life is full of joy and wonder….just not where this dark little relationship is concerned! Thanks for your comment :-)
tarawilson
love the sensory detail in this. a wonderful piece of writing.
bellmusker replied
Thanks so much, Tara….at least I got something out of the union, hey? :-)