thirteen seconds

In only the way you can tell it…..your writing is poignant, sublime and is crimson.

I wonder if all of us have a varying degree of OCD…..I can only walk to the left of people….yet there is no reason for this. I don’t feel like something is going to happen to me, or I’m going to do anything….

I am paranoid the house is going to burn down…..I have ritual’s associated to anything that might be flammable…

What you speak of is another level…..a counter spell almost…

I hope people will discuss…....

You are right it is unfortunate but it is a manageable ??? ok so here I am thinking how do I term OCD by it’s own definition it is a ‘disorder”...which always seems like such an extreme term to me. And if there are a high percentage of people that have OCD – is it a disorder or an order….

Ok I’m going off on a tangent….

Ok…well I know I don’t suffer from OCD. I have daily tendencies or things I might do if I’m nervous or angry…we all do…as Lisa describes. But I can’t imagine it being something which controls you…unlike what you have described Bell…and what others go through.
I also have a friend who suffers from Trichotillomania…he pulls his eyebrows out :| He is a really hairy guy and could pull hair out of anywhere…but he doesn’t…only his eyebrows.

You know when I was a kid there was no such thing as a disorder…unless you were blind or deaf etc? People suffered with things like this….they were considered mad….no help = suicide.
I’m glad you write about this :)

x

I applaud you writing about this Bell. A courageous act, well done.

How great is this? Not just because of what you write about, but the quality by which you execute it. It’s like a vivid transporting into your 19 year old mind on that day on the tram, fast paced and anxiety ridden. I felt all of it. Wonderful, really really wonderful.

I’ve never had OCD, but I do have anxieties…turbulence on a plane will send me straight into a panic attack, an eye-twitch when I’m stressed, the fact that I must NEVER sit with my back to the door, I’ve always got to be facing it. If I’m not…if I’m forced to sit somewhere with my back to the door or (gasp) in a room with multiple doors I can feel the hairs on my back and neck crawl.

Look how far you’ve come. You amaze me. You should amaze yourself.

Fascinating piece of writing Bellz and as usual you have a knack of making me, making all of us I’m sure, feel right there. I love how you express little moments and expand on them.. a mini analysis if you will.
Watch the fiery strand curl into itself, a spiky ball of defiance and defence, absorbing all my poison and diluting my fear, strand by strand
I’m always eager to read your words, your work, your expressions and am rewarded every time.
You have the gift and thankfully you don’t paint, or I think I’d be pulling my hair out..

Salute!

Incredible piece of writing bell .. there’s an ambiguity to it .. and although your side notes help to contain it, the gift of it being adaptable is stunning. It’s very powerful ..

one hand on the army in my pocket and the sourness of fear on my tongue

that line is pulling on my heart strings .. absolutely sublime.

Biggest hugs

xx

OCD is one of, if not THE hardest disorder to overcome. You’ve done so well to get through that, and furthermore used it to render such a wonderful, haunting piece of writing. You’ve conveyed so well through your language and punctuation the desperation, fraticness and emotion behind it. Well done! really well written! I was blown away!

I have no idea what it feels like what you are writing about – but your writing just touches me every time and I might think I understand it, feel it – but I guess that assumption is wrong.

Another brilliant piece of work Belle! You give insight into the Inner Worlds in a way that is quite extraordinary. I’m sorry I did not make it to the meeting yesterday – wound up test driving a couple of cars, searching Bunnings for shelving and tending to a sick partner. Don’t know if you caught up with my little piece of Christmas Stupidity
Shall fire off another missive soon. Take care eh?

That is a hell of a burden to bear – feeling that you are responsible for the lives, for the deaths, of other people. I wanted to cry, then I realised that you weren’t crying. In the story you bear all this but you don’t breakdown. And I wondered if your strength was what got you into trouble in the first place.

As you can see I got right into it which is testament to the fearless way in which you’ve written this piece.

I finally went and sought treatment for my OCD. It is helping. People close to me have noticed a big difference with the medication and therapy. I think the hardest part is being aware of what you are doing and just being completely unable to stop yourself from doing it.

I have all kinds of little rituals. Once I get locked into something the world could be on fire and I’m just not going to be able to stop. Good, bad, ugly…doesn’t matter. I must ‘complete’ what I’m doing.

I cannot tell you how much time I’ve used up, how many nights I have not slept, or how many people I have driven away with my obsessions. And all that does is make it worse. For instance, if I’ve had a day where I have taken photos. I MUST have them all uploaded into the computer, edited at least once, and put in folders. All the folders must contain an even number of photos. I can’t sleep until I’m done. Once while doing this my computer’s power supply petered out. I had a major anxiety attack and was completely out of sorts until it was repaired.

Cheers!

bell. i ground my teeth reading this. the sheer obsession your words in this piece are coated in makes me want to tug and tear at my skin. it’s as though the words have driven themselves, nailed themselves into sentences and paragraphs here instead of being gathered together by your pen. i’m uncomfortable and want to shake my head violently to clear myself of what I feel from these words. brilliant. my grandmother often told me as a girl that the greatest way to face my lions was by turning them into lambs; i applaud you for how you dance with the demons in this piece. i could hear the snakes hissing. and these words bell, your ink, i swear to god they sizzle as they extinguish the anguish one drop at a time. your words are… incendiary.

Yes! Celebrate! Dance like a dervish darling Bell!! Your words here made me uncomfortable in the best way: I ached for the torment and sorrow in them. So don’t blush girl of Bells, just turn it up loud and dance and shimmy around with your fabulous talented self x x

I have mild OCD with Tourettes….and how you write this is beyond powerful…..it is pure beauty in its description…..thankyou…

This is such a great piece of writing, a creative insight into the inner workings of the brain, the world of this person. I have relations and friends with OCD and have seen how it can become all to the person. Thanks for writing this. x Leila

Well done, this has a quality about it that just makes me see things differently. I am young and uneducated about “certain things” and when you aren’t affected by OCD in your inner circle (or another form of disorder), you shed a blind eye towards it…this writing shifts my focus and makes me unblinded. For that, I thank you. This is a great write. =)