What? You’re a man? Ok… well, maybe just shake hands with your inner tough girl (yes, to your horror she’s probably in there somewhere) and don’t make direct eye contact ;)
I’ve heard so many stories about women having out and out battles with their inner… errr… umm…. (said in a hushed tone… bitch). My inner B and myself are good friends although, she does, have a propensity for wanting to kick someone’s arse.
I’ve tried hard to tame her with ‘Oms’ and meditation (wow, nothing sets her off more than being forced to sit for a mere 5 minutes while I try to better our mind and body), we do a lot of yoga (as a yoga teacher, that’s not really that shocking). I’ve stopped eating gluten, dairy, shellfish, sugar and have even incorporated an herbal coffee. However, she has become aware of that and there was much toe tapping and crossed arms this morning so we’ll probably have to go back to regular coffee (wink wink). We exercise, we’ve taken combat classes, we blast loud music (here I’ll add a shout out to my girl Rosemary) and will sometimes finally give in and just let her have her moment of fury.
Please keep in mind that her moment of fury usually involves typing and deleting and typing and deleting and typing and finally deleting a post on Facebook or imagining really letting someone have it… sometimes I’ll even let her write a nasty letter then while she’s off getting another tattoo, I delete it.
Yet, in all her fierceness, she is only trying to protect me. She protects me better than any man I’ve ever known (besides my brothers). She’s the one that reminds me to stand up taller, to always walk with confidence even when I’m scared, to make direct eye contact, and be aware of my surroundings. She’s the one that researches how to survive a bear attack on our hikes, she’s the one that says, “you will not yield, you will never quit”. She builds me up and when I need her… she is there without hesitation. She never calls me a wimp or criticizes me for crying or feeling weak although, she will often hand me a small gift wrapped in tiny gold box – I don’t get these often but when I open it I hear her say, “Get up. Dry your tears. You’re strong”. I always appreciate those little gifts.
However, it hasn’t all been lovely “holding hand time”. My Inner B and I used to be arch enemies. She was constantly undermining me at every turn. I would practice peace and love and she would point out why no one deserved love and peace was over-rated. Then, as if the world was at her mercy – something would happen and her point would be proven.
But one day, after she’d shown me that people can be rude and mean that they can hurt you and then laugh about it…. I turned to her while she said in a rage “SEE?? I told you so!!”. I gently (and quite cautiously) wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug. “Who cares what they do” I whispered in her ear.
And that is how we finally became fast friends. Because in the end, it’s just not worth getting all worked up over. Even though she is my Inner B and it is expected of her to get a bit wild eyed at times, it’s always good to remember that all of that “fight” and in her case “more fight” (as opposed to fight / flight) only hurts us.
We’ve decided we are saving up all that energy for a bear – ok that’s a total lie. I will scream until the bear’s ears bleed and will most likely end up spraying myself with the bear spray. Anyone that knows me this is the most likely outcome ;)