North Tower
Jason turned the corner of the abandoned warehouse, holding his gun steady. He glanced through its sight into the windows of the adjacent building. The last thing he needed was to get shot by some terrorist with a chip on his shoulder. Luis came up behind him, a pistol in each hand.
“I seen one of them terrorists going into the north tower. We gotta watch out for sniper fire.”
Jason nodded. The pair made their way to the short, tower-shaped building. There were only two entrances, one on each side.
“Flank the left.” Jason commanded. “Go, go, go…”
Luis was out of Jason’s sight in seconds. He entered the main entrance and saw a pistol lying at the base of the stone steps leading up to the tower’s apex. He quickly picked up the pistol and began down a small corridor to the tower’s west chamber. His mission was clear. One terrorist remained. He had come face to face with these terrorists several missions before and knew that they were ruthless killers who would show no mercy.
Several shots echoed through the air.
He entered the chamber and found Luis lying sprawled out across the stone floor in a pool of blood and bearing the mark of terrorist scum. It was up to him to complete the mission. Failure was not an option.
Without warning, a shot blasted through the air from somewhere behind. Infuriated, he threw off his earpiece.
The computer screen flashed the words: COUNTER TERRORISTS WIN!
© Copyright Brian Jaime and bchrsidesigns, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Comments
You shouldn’t have given this great twist away in your description! I love your details and the drawn out drama.
Natella, you are right. I thought about it after I posted it and you confirmed it for me. So, I edited out the spoiler in the description (I hope). Does it work better that way? Thanks for the feedback! It totally helped! Much appreciated! Cheers!
– bchrisdesigns
I think this is one of your best. I’ve reread it a couple of times, and your attention to detail has captured my admiration. Very nicely done.
very good – i thought it was real & was wondering who was going to be the traitor or was Luis going to shoot him etc etc….but it was all a game!
spotted something – should ‘site’ be ‘sight’?
Miri, yes, you are right! I changed it! Thank you for your great observation skills! Muah! :o)
– bchrisdesigns
An excellent story that really had me fooled. I wondered what twist the terrorists would come up with. Instead, it was just a game. You really built up the suspense in this.
Thanks for the comment, Wandering, I was trying to make it suspenseful so that the game thing would not be seen coming too quick. LOL!
– bchrisdesigns
Great read, and you do have to watch your creation info…I think it spilt a bit on another one of your stories.
Great read and great suspense.
Thanks, Paul, means a lot! BTW, I know which story you are talking about with the creation info. I think I caught in time here (with Natella’s suggestion), but I know the other story you are referring to. It was one that everyone “got”. LOL! I use the same format for my descriptions for ALL of my pieces because I am obsessive compulsive with OCDs and I like continuity. Wow… such a basket case! Huh? LOL!
– bchrisdesigns
As is to be expected from you very well written and neatly done. From a personal opinion I tend to find these stories where the twist is it’s all part of a computer game are akin to it was all a dream and I woke up type endings. I really enjoyed it up to the end, but just felt let down by the end. Sorry. :(
Thanks for the feedback, DBA! I am sorry to have let you down at the end. I never get let down by stories like that. Some writers see it as cheating or as a waste of time because it never really happened. But, it is all fiction so it never really happens, actually. Guess I am just a lover of dreams and alternate realities Some of the most beloved classics were dreams. But I do think that the device can be cliche if not used properly or used carelessly. I hope I did not do that here.
– bchrisdesigns
It’s a good thing that Luis was not really killed! I was relieved. Video games make me panic. Great build up to the end.
Zolton, yeah I am not really a gamer myself. I mean, I liked Super Mario Brothers, but I just can’t get into role play… I laugh way too much! LOL!
(Ummm…I think I just dated myself with this one. Damn!)
– bchrisdesigns
Ha ha ha. That’s okay. I remember playing Atari Pong at my friend’s house.
Yessssss… Atari Pong! That, and Colleco Vision! Shoot, now I am really dating myself….
– bchrisdesigns
I was thinking thinking of paint-balling for some reason…. or perhaps children at play, so when the computer game ending came up I was a bit surprised! It’s funny how people can read different things into the same story.
An enjoyable read
Thanks! I was hoping to not make it so obvious so I am glad to hear paintball! One of my friends said the same thing! LOL!
– bchrisdesigns
well written !
Thanks, Nicole!
– bchrisdesigns