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I Know Where Mommy Is

Bobby poked his tiny head around the corner and saw the man with the metal fingers pointing a long silvery one at his daddy. Daddy looked pale, scared even. The man was shouting something about money and payments. Bobby didn’t understand.

“And, if you want to see your wife again…”

“Noooo…please…don’t hurt her."

“Then have the money by sun down tomorrow. You don’t want the same thing to happen to her as what happened to your son. She already hates you for that.”

The man with the metal fingers turned and walked away, chuckling. Daddy fell to his knees. Face red and wet from sobbing, he mouthed the words “I’m Sorry” under his breath.

Bobby ran toward his father and stopped abruptly. His father looked right through him.

“Daddy?”

His father stopped, chilled as if the wind had just spoken his name.

“Daddy, I know where mommy is…”

© Copyright Brian Jaime and bchrsidesigns, 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Currently unavailable for purchase



This piece of flash fiction was written because I was in a state where all I could think of was “sad ghosts”. Hmmm…

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CREATION INFORMATION

  1. Medium: Writing – Flash Fiction, Suspense/Horror/Mystery,
  2. Tools: Microsoft Word, My Brain/Imagination
  3. Topic: the Supernatural, the Mob

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CONTEST & CHALLENGE HISTORY

  1. 05/21/08 – Winner of Flash Fiction’s May – first challenge ‘Witness’ (Somebody pinch me!!!)
  2. 05/13/08 – Entry to Flash Fiction’s May – first challenge ‘Witness’

 

Tags

bchrisdesigns, child, creepy, entry, fiction, flash, ghost, horror, loan, mob, mommy, money, mystery, story, supernatural, witness

Comments

  • paulcompton
    paulcomptonabout 6 years ago

    Ooh, got a little chill. Awesome piece B.

  • Thanks, Paul! Your feedback is always appreciated!!!! :o)

    – bchrisdesigns

  • Alison Pearce
    Alison Pearceabout 6 years ago

    Great piece!

  • Alison, thanks so much!!!! :o)

    – bchrisdesigns

  • jcmontgomery
    jcmontgomeryabout 6 years ago

    I agree, chilling with a twist I didn’t see coming.

  • jc, thanks for your feedback! i am glad that you thought it was chilling! that was just the reaction i was going for. i just love ghost stories…

    – bchrisdesigns

  • kutkolors
    kutkolorsabout 6 years ago

    This is bittersweet and I like the immediate connection, that I felt, between the father and son regardless of whether or not the kid is a ghost; and not just because of their relationship.

  • Thank you! Great feedback! I appreciate it!

    – bchrisdesigns

  • deliriousgirl
    deliriousgirlabout 6 years ago

    Ohhhh what a chiller and a thriller!!! I love it’s dark minimalism, sometimes the more left unsaid the better the reading between the lines! Brilliant in execution!

  • I agree. One of my favorite quotes is from JK Rowling who said thaat sometimes “…you have to resist the urge to tell everything.” I have that prominently displayed on my magnet board next to my desk! :o)

    – bchrisdesigns

  • Solar Zorra
    Solar Zorraabout 6 years ago

    This was frightening at the beginning, then bone chilling with the twist. Enjoyed the ride.

  • Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! :o)

    – bchrisdesigns

  • Cathryn Swanson
    Cathryn Swansonabout 6 years ago

    Great piece, you tied it together so well, with an excellent finish, well done.

  • Thank you!!!! I appreciate it!

    – bchrisdesigns

  • greeneyedlady
    greeneyedladyabout 6 years ago

    that last line sucks all the air out of the room….

  • Wow…that is like the best comment ever!!!! May I use it in my blog as a mini review?

    – bchrisdesigns

  • CanvasMan
    CanvasManabout 6 years ago

    I got a chill from this. Pretty strong.

  • Thank you. When someone gets a chill from one of my stories, I feel pretty accomplished. It is like one of the best compliments I can get! :o)

    – bchrisdesigns

  • Zolton
    Zoltonabout 6 years ago

    That’s a good ending. Nice work.

  • Thanks, Zolton! :o)

    – bchrisdesigns

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