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I Know Where Mommy Is
Bobby poked his tiny head around the corner and saw the man with the metal fingers pointing a long silvery one at his daddy. Daddy looked pale, scared even. The man was shouting something about money and payments. Bobby didn’t understand.
“And, if you want to see your wife again…”
“Noooo…please…don’t hurt her."
“Then have the money by sun down tomorrow. You don’t want the same thing to happen to her as what happened to your son. She already hates you for that.”
The man with the metal fingers turned and walked away, chuckling. Daddy fell to his knees. Face red and wet from sobbing, he mouthed the words “I’m Sorry” under his breath.
Bobby ran toward his father and stopped abruptly. His father looked right through him.
“Daddy?”
His father stopped, chilled as if the wind had just spoken his name.
“Daddy, I know where mommy is…”
© Copyright Brian Jaime and bchrsidesigns, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
I Know Where Mommy Is by bchrisdesigns
This piece of flash fiction was written because I was in a state where all I could think of was “sad ghosts”. Hmmm…
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CREATION INFORMATION
- Medium: Writing – Flash Fiction, Suspense/Horror/Mystery,
- Tools: Microsoft Word, My Brain/Imagination
- Topic: the Supernatural, the Mob
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CONTEST & CHALLENGE HISTORY
- 05/21/08 – Winner of Flash Fiction’s May – first challenge ‘Witness’ (Somebody pinch me!!!)
- 05/13/08 – Entry to Flash Fiction’s May – first challenge ‘Witness’
Comments
Ooh, got a little chill. Awesome piece B.
Thanks, Paul! Your feedback is always appreciated!!!! :o)
– bchrisdesigns
Great piece!
Alison, thanks so much!!!! :o)
– bchrisdesigns
I agree, chilling with a twist I didn’t see coming.
jc, thanks for your feedback! i am glad that you thought it was chilling! that was just the reaction i was going for. i just love ghost stories…
– bchrisdesigns
This is bittersweet and I like the immediate connection, that I felt, between the father and son regardless of whether or not the kid is a ghost; and not just because of their relationship.
Thank you! Great feedback! I appreciate it!
– bchrisdesigns
Ohhhh what a chiller and a thriller!!! I love it’s dark minimalism, sometimes the more left unsaid the better the reading between the lines! Brilliant in execution!
I agree. One of my favorite quotes is from JK Rowling who said thaat sometimes “…you have to resist the urge to tell everything.” I have that prominently displayed on my magnet board next to my desk! :o)
– bchrisdesigns
This was frightening at the beginning, then bone chilling with the twist. Enjoyed the ride.
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! :o)
– bchrisdesigns
Great piece, you tied it together so well, with an excellent finish, well done.
Thank you!!!! I appreciate it!
– bchrisdesigns
that last line sucks all the air out of the room….
Wow…that is like the best comment ever!!!! May I use it in my blog as a mini review?
– bchrisdesigns
I got a chill from this. Pretty strong.
Thank you. When someone gets a chill from one of my stories, I feel pretty accomplished. It is like one of the best compliments I can get! :o)
– bchrisdesigns
That’s a good ending. Nice work.
Thanks, Zolton! :o)
– bchrisdesigns