I Know Where Mommy Is

Author: bchrisdesigns
Word Count: 160
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I Know Where Mommy Is

This piece of flash fiction was written because I was in a state where all I could think of was “sad ghosts”. Hmmm…

CREATION INFORMATION

Medium: Writing – Flash Fiction, Suspense/Horror/Mystery,
Tools: Microsoft Word, My Brain/Imagination
Topic: the Supernatural, the Mob

CONTEST & CHALLENGE HISTORY

05/21/08 – Winner of Flash Fiction’s May – first challenge ‘Witness’ (Somebody pinch me!!!)
05/13/08 – Entry to Flash Fiction’s May – first challenge ‘Witness’

I Know Where Mommy Is belongs to the following groups:

Flash Fiction, Monsters Ink, Practising the Dark Arts and Twisted Tales

Bobby poked his tiny head around the corner and saw the man with the metal fingers pointing a long silvery one at his daddy. Daddy looked pale, scared even. The man was shouting something about money and payments. Bobby didn’t understand.

“And, if you want to see your wife again…”

“Noooo…please…don’t hurt her.”

“Then have the money by sun down tomorrow. You don’t want the same thing to happen to her as what happened to your son. She already hates you for that.”

The man with the metal fingers turned and walked away, chuckling. Daddy fell to his knees. Face red and wet from sobbing, he mouthed the words “I’m Sorry” under his breath.

Bobby ran toward his father and stopped abruptly. His father looked right through him.

“Daddy?”

His father stopped, chilled as if the wind had just spoken his name.

“Daddy, I know where mommy is…”

Paul Compton

Ooh, got a little chill. Awesome piece B.
bchrisdesigns replied

Thanks, Paul! Your feedback is always appreciated!!!! :o)
Alison Pearce

Great piece!
bchrisdesigns replied

Alison, thanks so much!!!! :o)
jcmontgomery

I agree, chilling with a twist I didn’t see coming.
bchrisdesigns replied

jc, thanks for your feedback! i am glad that you thought it was chilling! that was just the reaction i was going for. i just love ghost stories…
kutkolors

This is bittersweet and I like the immediate connection, that I felt, between the father and son regardless of whether or not the kid is a ghost; and not just because of their relationship.
bchrisdesigns replied

Thank you! Great feedback! I appreciate it!
deliriousgirl

Ohhhh what a chiller and a thriller!!! I love it’s dark minimalism, sometimes the more left unsaid the better the reading between the lines! Brilliant in execution!
bchrisdesigns replied

I agree. One of my favorite quotes is from JK Rowling who said thaat sometimes ”...you have to resist the urge to tell everything.” I have that prominently displayed on my magnet board next to my desk! :o)
Solar Zorra

This was frightening at the beginning, then bone chilling with the twist. Enjoyed the ride.
bchrisdesigns replied

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! :o)
Cathryn Swanson

Great piece, you tied it together so well, with an excellent finish, well done.
bchrisdesigns replied

Thank you!!!! I appreciate it!
greeneyedlady

that last line sucks all the air out of the room….
bchrisdesigns replied

Wow…that is like the best comment ever!!!! May I use it in my blog as a mini review?????
CanvasMan

I got a chill from this. Pretty strong.
bchrisdesigns replied

Thank you. When someone gets a chill from one of my stories, I feel pretty accomplished. It is like one of the best compliments I can get! :o)
Zolton

That’s a good ending. Nice work.
bchrisdesigns replied

Thanks, Zolton! :o)
Damian

A wonderful ghost story, great work!
bchrisdesigns replied

Thank you, Damian! I appreciate it!
George Yesthal

Wow! Seldom is so much said in so few words. Very chillingly presented. Congratulations on an excellent piece.
bchrisdesigns replied

Thank you, George! Your comment means a lot! :o)
Arletta

Wow! That was good!
bchrisdesigns replied

Thank you!!!! :o)
Natella2020

Congratulations on the win! I can’t believe I missed this, it’s excellent!
bchrisdesigns replied

Thank you so much!!!!!
deliriousgirl

Congratulations!!! Great story!!
bchrisdesigns replied

Thanks!!!!!!!! Glad you liked it!
Mummified

excellent.
:-)
bchrisdesigns replied

Thank you! It means a lot! =]
greeneyedlady

yes you may! use it with my compliments!!!!