An Exercise in Supervision
My entry for Flash Fictions May First Challenge – Witness
An Exercise in Supervision belongs to the following groups:
Flash Fiction, Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, Twisted Tales and WMG‘What did you do?’ Sophia said
Jonah stood in the doorway, hands held out in front of him, blood red droplets dripped on the white carpet.
Sophia pushed past him into the hallway and glanced furtively over her shoulder, checking no neighbours were watching as she slammed the door.
‘Jonah, answer me!’ Sophia’s voice rose in panic, visions of chaos and carnage danced around her imagination.
She had only left them alone for half an hour; surely he couldn’t have done much damage.
Sophia dropped the plastic bag on the floor, her shopping forgotten.
‘I watched him do it.’
Sophia looked past her red paint covered 2 year old to the new nanny standing in the kitchen door way.
‘He made a painting for you, for mother’s day.’ the nanny held out a large piece of card with a messy blood red heart painted in the centre and hand prints all around.
Tanya Bell
Please comment
waarnie
Aah, Mum’s Day. Good twist. Good luck!
Tanya Bell replied
thank you, luck appreciated.
greeneyedlady
oh, sneaky, sneaky! I LOVE IT!
Tanya Bell replied
It was a bit sneaky wasn’t it, the ending snuck up on me also. Writing can take you to interesting places, sometimes even the writer can be surprised where it ends up!
WanderingAuthor
When I read “I watched him do it”, visions of carnage flashed into my head. LOL! That was good.
Tanya Bell replied
Exactly the visions I was going for, thanks WA!
Faith Puleston
Oh lovely. I particularly like this because it does not read trimmed down. It flows nicely. It’s so hard to write stylishly with such economy. Pat yourself on the back!
Tanya Bell replied
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words, patting myself on the back now!LOL
Alison Pearce
Excellent twist! Well crafted story that keeps the reader totally engaged followed by a sigh of relief and a good chuckle!
Tanya Bell replied
Yes the ending is a relief, i surprised myself.
Damian
LOL, that’s excellent! Kids and their carnage :)
Tanya Bell replied
Thanks Damian, kids creating carnage right now! Cymbals crashing and drums banging, I don’t know why I thought musical instruments were a great idea for toddlers!
Damian
Haha, what were you thinking?!! :)
Instruments are what you get for the kids of relatives you don’t like so much ;)
Zolton
Cute. : ) What parents go through! Great ending. The description of the card is good.
Tanya Bell replied
Thanks Zolton, I added the blood red bit to the description after my father inlaw commented that he thought I meant the 2 year old had painted the card in actual blood!
bchrisdesigns
I did not get it until I read it a few times more. I was sort of bummed that no one died. Oh well… lol! A definite twist, though! There are a few punctuation problems here and there, so thought I would mention it.
Tanya Bell replied
I have had a quick look and changed a couple of punctuations. If I have still missed something please feel free to BM me. Thanks for your comments, I was going for dissapointment with the lack of killing so Im glad you felt that way. I am toying with the idea of doing another peice to match, maybe your lust for death will be satisfied next time! LOL