Archibald Jughead, it has been said
That he earned his last name from the ears on his head
When weather was bad he would have to stay in
For fear that he’d get carried off by the wind

Always was picked on by bullies at school
Pinned up by his lugs when they acted the fool
As a baby his mother would tie his ears back
Thinking as the boy grew that the ears would retract

Now this didn’t work, they didn’t move back
The buggers grew bigger and that is a fact!
He suffered such taunts throughout his young years
Cursing his curse of indelible ears

The years wore on just as did his age
As did the teasing and cruel badinage
At age 26 he did have a few friends
He went on a jaunt to his pub, The Westend

They knocked a few back and spoke of old times
Teased Archibald and made up some rhymes
The clock struck eleven; drink up time was due
The lads needed something to cheer up their blues

All of a sudden Archy had an idea
His judgement was clouded because of the beer
By the looks of it booze had taken his toll
He shouted “I’m changing my name by deed poll!”

He went to the office pissed out of his head
And changed his surname from Dennis to Jughead!