I don’t understand.
These wicked words run through my head.
Thursday afternoon replays through my mind like a broken record.
A broken record that won’t be taken off.
It’s been eight months.
Im still struggling.
No one knows it but me.
They all think im better. Sane. Healthy. Breathing.
I am breathing.
Barely. You still take my breath away.
Leave me speechless.
I’ve run out of words to tell you.
My mind is blank except of memories of us.
I can’t let go. But I need too.
I need you to let me let go.
Im begging you.
Answer my prayers.
Let me breathe easy.
Be my breath of fresh air again.
I haven’t forgotten.
Wandering these crowded streets.
Gasping for a breath of fresh air.
These memories are still fresh.
As I lay me down to sleep.
Keep you from my mind.
Im so sick. Bones are broken.
Lift me from this shattered ground.
As the glass cuts my feet.
Leaving my mark behind me.
Follow my footsteps into madness.
Madness is my life.
My life is insanity.
Insanity is looked down upon in this world.
Soft spoken words, meant to fall upon deaf ears.
Scream Loud. Your quiet whispers hurt me more than you know.
My heart is beating fast.
My temples keep beat to a never ending drum.
A drum that stops sounding, when I take a final breath.
A final breath will be my only peace.
Peace.
An unknown word to my soul.
Restless.
My body trembles.
My head is spinning.
Sing me sweet. Sweet Chariot take me home.
Tell me stories of better days.
Days when I held you tight.
Now you slip through my fingers.
I reach for you but your mirage fades with the sun.
Bringing yet another.
Cold. Sleepless. Haunted.
Night.
I pray to Father.
Keep me quiet.
Let me rest easy.
Ease my troubled soul.
The sun sets orange. Then bleeds to red.
Red runs down my wrist.
I feel no pain.
Pain,
A much to common word.
No one knows the pain I’ve felt.
The pain I feel.
Ever since you left me.
Since you left us.
I don’t understand.
Nor will I ever.
I almost followed in your footsteps.
But I was saved.
Saved by a mother. Lover. And friend.
She held me tight.
Prayed I was still breathing. That I would stop shaking.
That she found me in time.
She did.
I was still breathing.
Now I stand strong.
Strong for you.
Careful NOT to follow in your footsteps.
To take a straighter path.
Flickering like a candle.
Try my best to stand the heat.
So far I’m standing on my own.
And although I’m struggling.
Im standing.
I still have unanswered questions.
Unanswered prayers.
Unanswered Letters.
I think you would want me to stand on my own.
I think you would want me to breathe easy.
To let go.
To not let you control my life.
Try as I might.
I have failed.
But I do not stop trying.
I must do this.
Must move on.
So help me please.
Take me there.
To a place where fear does not exist.
Where love is abundant.
Where I feel safe.
Take me to utopia.
Leave me there.
So as the dark sky hangs heavy.
Let me fight the feeling.
Let me rest easy.
Let me dream of a brighter future.
And wake to find I’m there.
Add your comment
You need to login or signup to add your comment to this work.