shadow of grief

my heart has stopped
my mind from forming
words…

out of sorrow
I search for release
to write it all away
…there is none

day by day
my spirit a fragile balloon
filling up
swelling tighter
about to burst

I ever wonder
if I might become untethered
and simply drift away …
rather than rupture
and bleed…

there is no such thing
in the matters of the heart
and grief
does not let go
so easily

lately I have read
how it is the darkness
that brings us light

these are powerful
beautiful truths
to hold onto
tightly
so tightly my hands
have become numb
as I try to grasp
the ultimate reason…

but, it is not to be found.

what am I reaching for?

I have seen death before
many times

they say it is part of life
it is rebirth
it is necessary for all living things

perhaps
what is most unbearable
is the just before

but the shadow
of emptiness after
cannot be better
it is a permanent hollow space
we are told to fill
with memories

yet time the great healer
can never heal
the wounds of loss

I am not alone
none of us are spared

resilience is golden
a quality I seem to lack

for I have never
been able to bend
with the winds of pain and sorrow
never

only to present a façade
for those who need
to believe
I live in the light

I begin to see
this is often
the true face we bear
a required disguise…

until it actually
adheres itself
and we convince ourselves
it is so…

the ocean of tears
is never full
and the shimmering surface
under the sun
is but a token reflection
and does not reach
the waters deep

shadow of grief

autumnwind

Joined April 2009

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