Self Confusion
I keep telling myself that I’m a logical, independent and in control woman. I’ve always known myself pretty well, and when I do something out of character or which embarrasses me, I get disgusted at myself, then sit back and think about why it happened and how I’m never going to let it happen again.
And then it happens again and I repeat the whole process.
Why do I do this? Am I really such an emotional person? I get upset about things that my logical mind tells me are just so small and unimportant. But my heart doesn’t seem to be reading the same guidebook to life as the rest of me. Damnit. I want my control back. Falling in love isn’t supposed to be so difficult is it? I’m supposed to know myself better, not be a mixed up mess of insecurity.
How can I expect him to understand me, when I don’t even understand myself? And do others feel the same way? Am I just as normal as the rest of the world?
RareSpecies
Don’t count on anyone to understand you. Enjoy how “integritive” you really are.
You sound totally logical and indipendant and in contol. BUT, you are a woman. Women are always an experience of a life time for men… there is nothing wrong with emotions… I was with a person that totally mixed me up for over 3 years until I went for therapy and learned I was missing out on how wonderful the world was… so I got an answering machine and never reacted to the messages with only huffs and puffing… and no I never called him up any more… and I got too busy with creating a life, and enjoying it… really enjoying it.. and crying all the time… because I am who I am… totally emotional… totally me… doing thins out of character and who cares if others are embarrassed… but I am me… because both small am important issues are BIG to me… it’s my life, not “HIS” and I am no island of stone… so I learned more about “love” and that is work… it is an active verb… but love really is hard for others… but I am living my life for me, like you for you? Be true to yourself…. be true to yourself… love yourself… love yourself… and tell all of this when you look into your mirrow… you are worth loving… your are special… you are a gift to the world…
RareSpecies