Once again, I’m running for governor of CA CA, lifornia. I didn’t do so well last time, for reasons unknown. On the other hand, my wife doesn’t think the reasons for my failure, or maybe I should say, all my failures, are not unknown. She thinks I’m dumb. I don’t take this as a personal insult. I think it is the duty of all wives to tell us we’re dumb, otherwise we might think we’re, we, smart. Who knows what would happen then.
To prove I’m smart, this time I hired and adviser, or as they like to be called out here, a “hired gun”. A terrifying title I say. His name is Seymour something or other. He’s better known for his nick name, “the worm”.
Talking to him is an experience I treasure. It goes like this.
W Do you have money
Me- For what?
W- To run this race
Me- Isn’t this the United States of America? The land of the free? The country where anyone can become governor. Actors, strip dancers, deviates, all have a chance.
W- Yes, but how are you going to let people know you’re running if you don’t let it be known?
Me-Well, I could go on Facebook and tell my 3 friends, they could tell their friends, if they have any.
W- That’s not enough, we need millions of people to know.
Me- Who has millions of friends? Meg Whittman doesn’t have them. Specially in the Latino communities. Not after she pissed her maid off.
W- Yes, but Meg’s opponents have millions of enemies
Me- How does she contact them?
W- Television adds my boy, you’ve heard of television, haven’t you?
Me- Is that expensive?
W-So far she has spent more than 19 million
Me- you’re efen kidding me aren’t you? What does she say?
W- She makes promises.
Me- Really? That gives me an idea. I think I can take the Spnish speaking vote away from her. I’ll promise a new Sylverado truck parked on every front lawn. How’s that?
W- Hey, promise two.
Me- I can’t afford two, come to think of it, I can’t even afford one.
W- You don’t think she plans on keeping those promises do you? You know what dude, I’m beginning to think you’re more than a bit naive, and that you don’t have any money.
I think I’ll check out on you. Have a nice day.
Me- That’s the nice thing about CA CA lifornia, no matter how much a person disrespects you, if they say, “have a nice day”, it’s all good.
One thing he left me is the thought that maybe I am naive, or God forbid, that my wife is right and I’m dumb. I’m going to have to think this over. You all stay tuned………and have a nice day, specially all you dumb males
A mature and realistic look at running for office.