Another legend says that, if you were to, instead, turn right at the
gates of Piccolo Rancido and were then to travel for twenty miles on
foot, you would come upon a deep fissure.
Then, If you were to cast yourself, trustingly, into that fissure, a
warm wind would buoy you up and keep you from plummeting to your,
otherwise, certain death.
As well as conveniently delaying your demise, this wind would
make it possible to reach for a door set in the wall of the earth that
forms the left side of the fissure; a door that only opens to those who
have proven themselves to be of the most valiant heart.
There are skeptics who have tried, for as long as these legends
have existed, to disprove various points. These skeptics would30
expostulate31 about various other legends that completely disprove the
above two legends of Piccolo Rancido.
“These other legends,” they would twitter"prove that any legends
that involve a real city with such a silly name as Piccolo Rancido are
not but hooey."
The most important legend, by their light, which forms the basis of
their argument is of a vicious, conniving Emperor who ruled
Kaenisbeth with an iron hand. 32
“The Emperor, according to historical records," they will assert with
haughty pride, "made up the aforementioned legends in order to rid
himself of what he saw as a plague of worthless do-gooders and
valiant hearted bumpkins. All of whom, or so it seemed to him, had
nothing better to do with their time than to thwart his every corrupted
move as he attempted to bend the masses of common folk to his vile
As further proof, these skeptics will go on to point out certain
discrepancies that exist between the Piccolo Rancido of legends and
the reality of the geographic features of Ordem. Such as the fact that
only one community exists anywhere near where Piccolo Rancido
would need to be, to be traveled to in such a manner as the legends
suggest. This community being the smarmy little village of Piccolo
“If it could, indeed, even be considered a proper village, not
having any recognized form of government.” the skeptics will continue.
Furthermore, the skeptics will drone on33 about how there is no
fissure or oasis within a hundred mile radius of the horrid little place.
What these dissident curmudgeons blunderingly fail to recognize is
that there could be multitudinous reasons for a fissure to disappear
from the landscape, several of which even come close to approaching
validity. There have, after all, been documented cases of mountains
sprouting out of what was, up to that point, perfectly flat ground.
Could it not be possible then for a mountain to sprout in what was, up
to that point, a perfectly hole like fissure; growing just high enough to
fill it in?34
Further research into the legends of Piccolo Rancido would show
other possibilities that might cause a change in the landscape
surrounding the blighted little patch of soil where lays Piccolo
Rywfgroaoop. One possible reason for a change, a person with a
logical mind should be able to discern right away: It is simple human
nature to think of ourselves as better than we are, until put to the
Allow me, please, to explain in further detail: The legends of
Piccolo Rancido are as ancient as the people of Ordine are arrogant, in
general. Therefore, my reasoning for the possible disappearance of the
fissure goes as such: Second thoughts. As in, vast multitudes of
previously trusting treasure seekers who, over the centuries, have
stopped and thought such things as
“Well, I don’t think one little beer would hurt.
“My, does not that Cheeto look yummy?”
“But, what if the legend was wrong about the wind?! Oh well, here goes nothi-i-i-innnnn…”
Another legend about Piccolo Rancido points directly to two of the
main reasons for taking the side in the argument that suggests that
the town of Piccolo Rancido and the village of Piccolo Rywfgroaoop are
one and the same. The first reason, only mentioned in passing, is the
Piccolo Rancidoian governmental policy regarding trash removal. That
policy, stated in simple terms, being:
Find a big hole; in the ground, preferably.
Fill it up with anything that you no longer want, yet can’t seem to pass off on neighbors or relatives as a present.
Said policy being one which suited the Piccolo Rancidoians for
many years before they had heard of an environment; as well as many
years afterward, when they continued their policy with added zeal, as
the whole thing sounded dreadfully inconvenient to have laying about
near their town: wild animals with ferocious appetites, nasty little
plants rooting themselves down wherever they pleased. They
shuddered, communally, just to think of it.
30 As if anyone were ever going to be interested in listening to them do so!
31 Exaggeratedly, for hours on end, as all skeptics always do.
32 Or, possibly, it was made out of steel with a chrome overlay. The legend
has always been a bit fuzzy on that
33 Until your ears bleed. Or, if you are the meaner sort, until their ears bleed.
34 Not that I, or anyone else with a modicum of sanity left to them, believe
that this is the case. Still, no matter how improbable, it is a possibility.