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Ivan Stan's Last Wish

Here was me a female in thought within the body of man hitting a bulls-eye my first launch of ovum seeking genetic coded wrigglers.
“How’s that for potent accuracy” I thought.
This gig as Ivan Stan had sure taken a turn around a corner I didn’t calculate.
I’d always prided myself in being organized with at least three or four backup plans.
So was this life teaching me not to be so anal in my strategies and teaching me that life should be a mix of plans and the unexpected?

To get a grip I tried to add some normalcy to my life and got into some major domestic bliss. It surprised me how quickly I got it done getting this man me to reach into places and lift furniture out of the way. This was indeed a good body that I cohabitated but the pervading thought was it wasn’t mine; I began to yearn for my feminine curves, bosom and hoo-hoo.

Another week passed leaving me with just two weeks and panic was starting to raise its ugly mug. Mum phoned to see how Ivan Stan was going for my ruse was he was house-sitting for me while I holidayed in Peru. Hearing my mum’s voice I wanted so badly to say “Mum, I’ve some news, you’ll be a grandma like you’ve wanted all these years but I’m not the mum to be, I’m the dad”
I could see her fall to the floor clutching her chest so I kept my mouth shut and muttered “no I haven’t got a postcard either, maybe they’re lost in the mail. “

Rita my girlfriend turned up late that night forgetting that I was out of town and met me instead as Ivan Stan. I could see she’d not had the best night out and had come to visit for a natter about her single status feeling like it was tattooed on heart.
Geeezzz… she took one look at me as Ivan Stan and I could see the wedding ring on her finger materialize. She’s my dearest friend, we know each others inner secrets and I felt so low down and mean as I kept a polite distance.
She got the hint and I knew she‘d later be lamenting “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get a bloke?”
I wanted to tell her straight that she goes for them dudes who have way too much baggage in their past.

A few days later a letter arrived from the cop dude who’d been instrumental in releasing me from my hostage situation from the ‘Bride of Frankenstein’.
Maybe my name should have been Frank instead of Ivan Stan.
The letter informed my Frankie bride was to have a medical exam to determine our baby’s gestation.
I read the letter and my eyes started to water with fear and bewilderment. Was it right to use my last wish to delete this chapter of my life and would I feel like I’d committed some kind of crime?

© K S Hardy 2010

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Ivan Stan has only one wish….if you have no idea what this is all about you may need to go back to when he had three wishes at the Start

And here is the end of Ivan Stan the Man

Feelings and words fall on to the page
Sometimes they bite back
Sometimes they tug on our sleeve
Sometimes they have a cheeky grin
They stay once a page has found them
Words are faithful to us even in the dark

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  • Lisa  Jewell
    Lisa Jewellalmost 5 years ago

    Oh fuckity what an ethical dilemma….I can see there is going to be a typical two camps set up over what Ivan should do.
    i can’t help but think – careful what you wish for it just might happen. A brilliant instalment, darling and of course I want more xoxox

  • And now there is what I had to revealed when I was Ivan Stan….coming up soon…
    Just have to gather myself to write it… :O)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • bearwings
    bearwingsalmost 5 years ago

    this just gets more contorted the further you go, keep going, its good reading.

  • Only one more chapter Trevor-bear and then my life of a year ago for a time when I was Ivan Stan will be completely revealed….hope I have the courage to do the writing…… ;O)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • Soaps
    Soapsalmost 5 years ago

    your writing is simply amazing, this story so clever, spellbinding, sad, feeling Rita’s pain, you can’t reach out. How on earth does this come to you……… what to do? Oh poo! Become a Dad or reclaim your hoo hoo! So funny you use that expression, that’s mine too. I loved the way you describe the words unspoken to your Mother…… outstanding my dear. Frankinstead, I hope he becomes the genetic Dad and lets you off?? Terrific write xxx

  • Well if I could of got a Frankinstead organ-niced then that would of been the best me thinks….Alas tis not what went next which is coming up in my last chapter hopefully quite soon…..I just have to compose myself to do this very heart-bending mummy and daddy plight write.. ;o)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • exposedbutloved
    exposedbutlovedalmost 5 years ago

    oh dear its taken a serious turn… no idea what to suggest….

  • Yep was not all fun and games and getting hog tied and using urinals…..but all is revealed in my last chapter coming up soon…xx

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • Solar Zorra
    Solar Zorraalmost 5 years ago

    Oh how awfully hillarious!! Ivan is already ready to give up his stuff and misses his/her hoo-hoo. This is great. This is epic KarenSue. :) Solar

  • Hi my icecream buddy… funny the things one missing when they are not there….And the epic well end with the last chapter coming up soon…
    I must get myself back to the twisters soon…..missing doing them but have had too much on my mind …thinking about my life back a year ago as Ivan Stan.. :O)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • autumnwind
    autumnwindalmost 5 years ago

    I did so many giggles and cannot get the phrase ‘bosom and hoo-hoo’ out of my head! lol wow, this is so awesome you left us with a cliff hanger here – hurry!! can’t wait for more!!! : )) xoxoxo

  • Hi ya Shar…the last chapter is waiting in the wings which is what the next post will be…..All my shenanigans as Ivan Stan really led me to think about all sorts of awful decisions…..and soon I can tell you what happened…..just got to get the courage to write it out….. ;O)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • Fuego1
    Fuego1almost 5 years ago

    Is there anything emotion you’ve missed in this funny but intelligent and provocative story?

    Must admit, like the others said, your use of the word hoo hoo here is outstanding.

  • You Hoo ;) there is something I have missed and that is going to be revealed in the next chapter which is the last of Ivan Stan…thanks for your really wonderful comment.. :)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • Obadiah-Qi
    Obadiah-Qialmost 5 years ago

    Oh to be a fly on the walls of your mind darlin ;)

  • Splat….that area is no insect allowed area….sorry.. ;O) …could make an exception though :)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • lianne
    liannealmost 5 years ago

    Oh the webs we weave… and the magic YOU weave in this delightfully satirical story. I’m not taking ANY sides here – I’ll let Ivan figure it out. I’ll just wait with baited breath for the decision in the next installment!! Fabulous Dahhhhling!

  • Ahhh Darlink ….the next installment is going to be the last and I will be able to reveal what I had to do……still haunts me to this very day….. ;O)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • bluewhite
    bluewhitealmost 5 years ago

    “but I’m not the mum to be, I’m the dad” is my favorite here. LOL

  • Quite a line to spit out to your mum or dad me thinks :) Tis also me fav as well… :)

    – Arcadia Tempest

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