Ivan Stan is Not the Man

Time was getting on and as Ivan Stan I only had three more weeks to get things straightened out. I tried to calm my freaked out mind by a walk along the boulevard where I passed a mirror seeing myself as Ivan Stan the man.
Oh I was so handsome and what an amazing physique!
I made a mental note to look up the spelling of narcissist for my doco flick.

The cops didn’t think it strange at all when I requested to see my crazy ex-lover who had confessed I was her favorite dish to be with lots of fresh green salad and vinaigrette.
I followed the female prison officer who paid me not one bit of attention. Wrong!
As we waited to be buzzed through to the high security section she proceeded to rub herself all over me.
I was so surprised and truly affronted and squeaked out “I’m not that kinda guy” which she must have heard as “I’m really kinda shy” for she squeezed my bum and replied “It’s ok, I’m very shy too.”
So, men also get cornered by unwanted attention the same as us women walking past building sites and such with taunts of “Show us ya tits.”

Sitting across from my nemesis I admit I was scared out of my wits. Hand cuffs and all, I still wished they’d put a muzzle on.
She smiled just like the night we first met and said “Oh honey, so glad it’s you. I have the best news.”
I felt my pupils dilate so big I wanted to dive right into them, not wanting to hear another word said.
My mouth was incredibly dry with my questions rolling around wanting to get out and then she came right out and said “I’m pregnant and you’re the dad.”

This was it I had to think carefully and use my wish number two, very, very carefully.
Sitting there in a communal female hormonal sweating from my lips these words slipped out instead “I wish I had a cool drink.”
A tall glass of cold water appeared in front of me and nutcase threw her hands up in the air in delight at my magic trick.
Staring at the glass of water I was thirstier than ever but didn’t touch a drop, what a friggen fuckwit I was to ask for this instead of sorting out my fatherhood to ‘Madame Sucker in a Dad’.

In the taxi travelling back home musing on my one and only wish left, I was thinking about how I was now a dad and knowing in three weeks I would be back to my female form.
I cringed thinking about not doing the right thing by my own flesh and blood. Ivan Stan was going to be known as a drop kick that ran out on his kid.
I didn’t want to look in the mirror anymore for right now Ivan Stan was not my kind of man.

© K S Hardy 2010

Currently unavailable for purchase

I still feel the shame of this fateful day…..

If you don’t know Ivan Stan then here is a way to find out how a woman came to be a man.

Click here if you dare find out the whole messy affair

OR if your in the know then find out about the last wish of Ivan Stan

Feelings and words fall on to the page
Sometimes they bite back
Sometimes they tug on our sleeve
Sometimes they have a cheeky grin
They stay once a page has found them
Words are faithful to us even in the dark

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  • bearwings
    bearwingsalmost 5 years ago

    thats a compelling and frightening picture, really well put together, it gives a lot to think about

  • Hi ya Bearwings or can I just call you Bear or Wings?
    I am still coming to terms with how this affected me remembering it was only about a year ago….. :O)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • MissingYou
    MissingYoualmost 5 years ago

    This is a fantastic story….wow….You have an incredible mind:)

  • Hi love your new avatar Robin :O))
    And this was easy to write …all I had to was remember how it all went down a year ago …. ;O)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • TheWanderingBoo
    TheWanderingBooalmost 5 years ago

    simply brilliant! a great series…

  • Only two more chapters and Stan will be done…Thanks for coming along for the adventure Simon xx

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • Soaps
    Soapsalmost 5 years ago

    So very clever, ah ha, how will the last wish be used, stay a man forever? Or give the baby another mother? I loved that you wanted to dive into your own pupils, how cool is that, and look up narcisisst, you are so very clever as Ivan Stan. Yup, I guess men do get grabbed too. So so funny, and an amazing imagination.

  • Lux….it is all true …I tell you all true. It is like what I said in chapter one….I have many scars …emotional they may be but I was there with a humdinger of a manhood…..ohhhh just had a flash of a pastie in my mind. I ain’t ever going to the bakery and ordering one every again and that also goes for sausage rolls. :O)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • Tomi10
    Tomi10almost 5 years ago

    Brilliant as is the rest of this series…..You rock KS!! lol (how come I have never been grabbed on the backside by a strange woman?…mmmm….)

  • Hi Thomas…thanks for the encouragement. Well me thinks you just need get amongst the right women and then the butt grabbing will begin! ;o)

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • umbra
    umbraalmost 5 years ago

    another amazing stage of this story…..

  • Only 2 more chapters and my tale of a year ago will be done…

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • linaji
    linajialmost 5 years ago

    FEB 2010
    aHHHH iVAN…..

  • Hey Stan get your butt off that bed and look here….We’ve been featured! Nice one ..thanks ..xxxx

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • JaneSolomon1
    JaneSolomon1almost 5 years ago

    Fascinating! xx

  • ;o) Indeed ….and it is all true Jane….every single word. Phew it was certainly an adventure….

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • Lisa  Jewell
    Lisa Jewellalmost 5 years ago

    oh poo I wanted to fav this again…..poor Ivan he is in a dilemma…I don’t want him to end up a dead beat dad that is never seen again…sigh

    so brilliant babe, I was glued and all I want is more, I so wanted to be able to turn over the page..

    you are the clever cookie xoxoxo

  • Only two more and I can reveal how Stan that is me faired in the Daddy stakes……oh the memories are flooding back as I type this….Oh it will be with me for always me thinks…Ivan Stan…well it is also the name of my dad so I guess that also cements it…xxx

    – Arcadia Tempest

  • Trenchtownrock
    Trenchtownrockalmost 5 years ago

    This is fab writing..you painted this very well my friend..the entire scene played exceptionally..it has your fingerprints dancing all over this one.

  • Ohhh a dancing fingerprint of writing….Me like a lot….Thanks so much Chris! :O))

    – Arcadia Tempest

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