Ascending to the top of the cellars stairs I wondered why I didn’t use my last wish and ask that genie to take me back to the moment before I wished to be transformed into Ivan Stan the man.
Was my resolve a male and female stubbornness to see my quest to the end? My female brain rattling around in that marvelous male specimen of Stan was known for being like a ‘dog with a bone’.
My reverie was interrupted when I heard psycho chick talking rather fast and frantic.

Suddenly the cellar door opened and to my surprise he said “Come on now lad, we can take it from here”. Standing in front of me was… bloody hell, a copper who tried hard to hide his smile as he averted his eyes from near nakedness. Those pink frilly knickers were playing havoc with my giblet bits and the need to scratch had become unbearable.

They handcuffed and took her away and sat me down with a cuppa tea and a blankee. I so wanted to sneak my hand under and re-arrange my strangled package but thought better of it. A tall gentleman sat down next to me introducing himself as the head of the investigation. Seems my male virginity was taken by a serial slicer and I was going to be her next victim, they were very sure of that.
They assured me the surveillance cameras had kept a watchful eye on everything! I was never in real danger.
The head lines flashed neon “Stan the Porn Dude” in my mind.
I had just starred in my first porn movie and as they say in the biz had some trouble making wood but I did fire up later hoping that made up for the lack of kindling.

Oh and then the worst thing that Ivan Stan the hunky man could possibly do happened, I started to cry. I wondered was I pre-menstrual?
As Stan my body functioned with male chemical electricity but my brain could it still be connected emotionally to my cycle?
“Fuck! ” I thought do women only get a break from PMT when the big ‘M’ comes around?
And call it Men- O- Pause? Men have bugger all to do with it.
There is an exception here when I remembered my Aunt Jane who didn’t mind who was listening when she spoke of her frigidity that was ruining her chances of finding a mate. When she announced she had gone through the ‘Change’ , I heard shouting whispers of her going from ‘men on pause’ to lots of ‘men on non-stop’.
Her introduction to her sexual appetite changed her from dried up grouch to greedy seductress overnight.

I was man outside quivering and inside I was over my stud role and needed a pedicure, a hot bubble bath and asked to be taken home forthwith. I lay in my bubble bath amused how certain items could float when a niggling thought that I had left something behind at psycho chick’s killing pad poked me unpleasantly.
What was left back there did come to light much later but that’s another story not for the faint hearted …