12-12-12 and I have writers block. I so wanted to write a masterpiece for this special day. As in previous years such as 11-11-11 and 10-10-10 I created an artwork and poem to celebrate the occasion. It has been for me in the past a time to reflect and think about the year we are in, looking back and than looking forward. 12-12-12 was believed to be the day the world would end! But here we are. It has arrived we still breathe in and out. Where in 1-1-12 I wrote about a quickening and the need for a new way of being, as 2012 draws to an end I feel more certain that the most important thing is to live the life we were born to live and to be the person we were born to be. What does this mean exactly? Is there anything more important then becoming more aware of who we are inside? And acting on what we believe, not just saying it. To break free of the bars of fear and spread our wings to fly out of the cage to a new ending.
Fear is the little death, the great inhibitor that imprisons us within a gold nightmare of unmasked delusions. Embracing with tenacity and living with courage the contours of dreams that leads us into mysterious caves of reason. Ah to be still is to embrace the silence that digs deep into the void and not shrink back with the discovery of what resides there. In a world where external referencing and the mythology of popularity guides so many feeling patterns, for those who dare to follow the unevenness of internal referencing and not shrink back, I believe the rewards are the greatest, in short self respect. Resilience is a strong face against injustice, and will not be victimised by it, but uses the power of clear thought to deconstruct and find the essence of learning that keeps us alive. To be able to live strategically, holding our hearts wide open as we step up to protect self without losing our humanity. It is indeed a gentle challenge that means the more that we seek and break the surface of things the more naked and vulnerable we become. There is a certain nobility in being able to let the sting of reality live inside us as the beautiful Phoenix rises up renewed out of the ashes of lived experience. The whisper of a mind that is perpetually engaged and never ceases to reach and see what it is meant to be.
In my work reality bites and challenges every day. I live on the raw razors nerve of vulnerability where life hangs in the balance. Where surviving is to fight always to empower the most vulnerable in our society. The big stories that have often shattered my sensitivity have also made me strong. The challenge of containing the trauma within the lack of support has made my inner landscape hold the the grief and has created a bigger heart, rather then a harder heart. Maybe seeing the dark corners and cracks of humanity is a way to really know those luminous parts where wild roses explode. Wild flowers do not move towards the sunlight they can grow in a cold dark place. I did go into ‘the woods of life to live deliberately and to suck the marrow out of life and not to find when I came to the end of my life that I had not lived.’
Take notice of this day 12.12.12 and live bold with sensitivity and vulnerability at our core. To see others, to be kind to those who are cruel and to be eyes for those who cannot see and feel for those whose hearts have grown hard. To be the voice of the voiceless and those that have suffered so much that they forgot who they are. To remind, to empower, to release the diamond core that shatters glass houses, to be fibre in the fabric of society that enables us to dance with exuberance to sing without inhibition and to live with appeal. To shake off the shackles of fear, of political correctness that only serve to control. To speak words that are boldly, unashamedly honest. Do I speak of utopia? Do I dream of an enchanted world? I hunger most for the sincerity of heart, the conversation of those driven by internal voices, the engagement of minds that still think from the inside out (internally referenced) I crave to break this writers block and return from my life of harsh reality to the buffer and the lens of creativity and find a cave where the modus operandi is decency. And yes the handbrake must come off in this Ferrari if I am to continue to live and breathe in these dangerous, yet tenderly beautiful times.
To all my beautiful friends wishing you a happy, engaged, beautiful, peaceful 12.12.12!
© Anthea Slade 2012
A mere reflection, a stream of consciousness and my attempt to break the crippling restriction of writers block.
On the 12-12-12 I wanted to write something significant, but all I write is this.