metamorphasis

I feel as thought something is changing. I don’t mean to sound corny, but it is as though I were slowly going through some sort of metamorphasis. Very strange and very cool at the same time. I have had this back injury for a year now and I was terminated from my job of over 10 yrs in the mental health field because my employer could not accomodate me and I was not ready to come back to work. Long story, too many details, BUT the point is, I have been very depressed and felt as though I had lost my sense of purpose. ( I just thought of Steve Martin in the Jerk) I use humor to cope sometimes, sorry. Anyway, I have not felt this good about myself in a long time. No, I’m not great and I lack experience, but I have a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to feel better about me! I know that many of you probably don’t understand what I’m talking about, but trust me this invisable inury can be very depleting to the soul.

The good news? I am re-inventing my self now. I can’t get enough of this. I enjoy looking at other people’s work, although I admit I have a long ways to go. Still, It gives me something I need right now and something I haven’t had in a long long time.

I still have tremendous pain and still take drugs with horrible side-effects, and I still have insomnia, and still I can’t have the surgery I need(lost my insurance when I was terminated and am uninsurable), but It’s okay for right now! I can cope. I can get through this battle with something that gives me a sense of some sort of self-accomplishment, and that means the world to me right now!
Thank you for listening and thank you for giving me some incentive in this journey to I don’t know where.
I do know this, I have decided to give my name (angel) some meaning. I was given this name Angel (little angel)when I was born and it was supposed to be my first name…but I was in the hosp for 3 mos and the nurses’ re-names me Gail Angela. I am going to start a series of graphite drawings titled, Angels. I’m excited. Thanks
Gail (angel312)

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