Dear whom it may concern,
I have decided to claim ownership over whatever is the largest macrocosm in existence.
I hereby own the omniverse that encompasses this universe in which we reside. I purchased it and nobody has authority to say otherwise because it falls within no other mans possession. Being the first ever man to claim ownership of the omniverse I think I’ll name it Spank, and declare myself the lawful master of all matter, biotic and abiotic, within it. This, basically, puts me in control of the omniverse, and inclusively, this universe. The effects of this are not yet apparent because I’m yet to map-out the logistics of how I will rule over all entities, but for now I will leave the sections already ruled over (most of earth) as independently run entities, which report to me when requested. Anyone who fails to report or does not recognise my authority will be punished, but not immediately as I am also yet to work out the logistics of punishing such entities.
Any queries on how I have obtained this purchase of the omniverse, and not to mention any unfathomable macrocosms which may encompass or encapsulate said omniverse, are to be directed to Samir’s Café Chirnside Park, where the financial transaction took place. To pre-empt any possible queries I will give a brief description of the transaction: A young waitress in Samir’s Café sold me a burger with the lot which included “Literally everything”. I chose to eat only the parts of “Literally everything” that were placed in front of me on a plate which I now owned, on a table which I now owned, in a café which I now owned. I paid my money with some confusion as I now owned the café; but resolved that this would complete the financial transaction and in turn, instantly make me the owner of the money once again. I chose to leave the money, and the café, in the control of the current owner so as to continue the illusion of possession amongst fellow humans.
As the ultimate macrocosm is itself unknown or perhaps undefinable, we will work under the assumption that it is the epitome of all existence in the form of God Himself, hence making me the owner, or at least partner, of God. Anybody who wishes to dispute the existence of god should not bother as I now own the rights to scientific reasoning, as science is merely god manifesting himself as knowledge.
Pretty much God
I once read a fridge magnet which said “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
I laughed at this fridge magent back then, and I’m laughing at it again today…